


Tested

by berrystrawberry



Category: Free!
Genre: Comfort, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, POV Multiple, Sexual Content, Tags edited 4/9/14, Teenage Drama, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-11
Updated: 2014-05-06
Packaged: 2018-01-12 00:54:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 53,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1179979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berrystrawberry/pseuds/berrystrawberry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haruka and Makoto develop feelings for each other, and decide to deal with them in the worst possible ways. But no matter how hard they try to run away, their feelings insist in catching up with them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is written from Haru's POV, and the omake from Makoto's POV. Un-beta'd, so please let me know of any mistakes. Only the first chapter is a submission to the MakoHaru festival.

Haruka had no idea how it happened. He was used to spending most of his time with Makoto. He was used to Makoto getting him out of the bathtub; he was used to sharing everything with him, from drinks, to clothes or even a bed; and he was used to that warm smile that adorned Makoto’s face most of the time. But it was all changing, and it scared him.

 

Makoto’s smile was making him feel different. He was often entranced by it, and he realized it took his breath away. Simple things like cooking mackerel for Makoto and sharing food began to feel much more intimate, and he found himself craving that intimacy. Haruka didn’t understand why things he was used to, were feeling so different now. Or rather, he had a pretty good idea why, but he kept denying it to himself.

 

He wasn’t stupid. He might seem like he was completely oblivious to most things, but far from it. He was just good at keeping a poker face, and good at keeping quiet. So he knew. He knew his feelings for Makoto were turning into something more than simple friendship. Often when they walked side by side, he was overcome by a sudden urge to hold Makoto’s hand; or in the middle of Makoto’s normal chatter, he found himself staring at Makoto’s soft lips wondering what it would feel like if he kissed him; wondering if they would feel as warm and soft as they looked. He didn’t have any of those thoughts about any of his other friends, it was just about Makoto. The difference was quite noticeable for him, though he didn’t realize exactly when had things started to change, and he wished neither did Makoto.

 

Makoto had always been able to read him like an open book, but Haruka could only hope with all his strength that he wouldn’t notice Haruka’s feelings for him. The thought of him scaring his best friend away for his stupid feelings was unbearable. Makoto was the one person in his life he could always count on; the one person who would never leave his side and would put up with all of Haruka’s strange habits, even if he complained about them. Makoto was always there, so much that he became necessary for Haruka. Losing Makoto would be worse than losing the blood that pulsed through his body, and made his heart beat. Only thinking about it made him feel a hollow in his chest that made it impossible for him to breathe. He wouldn’t lose Makoto, not over this, not over anything. Not if he could help it.

 

\--

 

“Here, Haru. Listen to this one!” Makoto said eagerly, holding out one earbud for Haruka to listen to a song with him.

 

They’d been hanging out at the mall, and stopped at an electronics store. Makoto thought it would be a good chance to check out a present for the twin’s upcoming birthday. He’d been saving up for it for quite some time, so he could afford some little electronic device that supposedly had games and could take pictures (and they would have to share it, of course). Haruka had no idea what it was or how it worked, he was never interested in such things, but Makoto knew what his siblings liked and didn’t need Haruka’s help to find the right present. After buying the gift, they just wandered off to the music devices section where they were at the moment.

 

Haruka got closer to Makoto and let him put the earbud in place, his heart fluttered a little when Makoto’s hand made contact with his ear. They listened in for a bit, Haruka didn’t recognize the song, but he realized he liked the lyrics. He liked even more the fact that he was listening to a song that had such lyrics with Makoto really close next to him, that feeling of intimacy reappearing and leaving him breathless.

 

“It’s a love song.” Haruka said, not sure of what to say but thinking he needed to say something to try and escape the sudden atmosphere that surrounded them, even though he didn’t really want to escape it. Looking at Makoto he thought maybe that wasn’t an appropriate thing to say.

 

“Well… yeah,” Makoto replied, diverting his gaze from Haruka’s, blushing a little “it’s not what I usually listen to, but there’s something about this song that’s just…” He trailed off, unsure of how to finish his sentence, Haruka thought.

 

“Ah.” Haruka said, looking away to the side. He felt a little uncomfortable because his head was filled with thoughts of kissing Makoto, and he felt inappropriate. Not wanting Makoto to think he was uncomfortable for the wrong reasons, or rather not wanting him to find out the right reasons, he added. “That’s nice.”

 

Since when did he have such a hard time finding the right words to talk to Makoto? Love was making him a mess. He got a little scared when he realized he had just thought about his feelings for Makoto as love.

 

Makoto giggled a bit, breaking Haruka out of his little internal conflict, and soothing him with just his laugh. He probably saw right through Haruka’s distress and found it amusing. “We should be on our way now, before it gets too late.”

 

Haruka complied, and they walked out of the store side by side. He couldn’t help but think that was exactly how he wanted them to always be.

 

\--

 

Back at the Tachibana’s house, they were greeted by Makoto’s mother, as usual. What wasn’t usual though, was the twin’s gloom mood. They usually greeted them excitedly, asking to play and throwing themselves at Makoto and him. That wasn’t the case that day, they were both sitting in the couch, frowning.

 

“Ren, Ran, are you guys ok?” Makoto asked them, patting their heads and sitting in the couch between the two. Haruka stood there in silence, admiring Makoto’s gentleness towards his siblings.

 

“Onii-chan, it’s not fair!” Ran told him, folding her little arms across her chest. “Mom said she had a surprise for us for our birthday, but she won’t tell us what it is. I want my birthday to be today!”

 

“Me too!” Ren agreed, still frowning and pouting.

 

Haruka raised his eyebrows a bit, a little amused. _Leave it to Ren and Ran to be upset over such a thing_ , he thought. Makoto looked at him and chuckled.

 

“Well, if she told you what the surprise is, it wouldn’t be a surprise anymore now, would it?” Makoto reasoned with a soothing tone, trying to cheer them up. “Besides, it’s only a few days away, they’ll go by fast.”

 

“But why can’t it be today?!” Ren complained.

 

Makoto let out a little sigh. “Would an early birthday present calm you down until then?” He asked them, hopeful.

 

Their mood suddenly brightened visibly, and they were looking at Makoto with twinkling eyes while they replied in unison. “Yes!”

 

Makoto took the little device he’d bought them out of his pocket, and opened it putting it in his lap. “You’re going to have to share it, but you can play together with this. You can also take pictures, see?” Makoto said, taking a picture of Ran who was looking at him with a cute expression in her face.

 

“Let me try!” She said, taking the device from Makoto, and snapping a picture of him and Ren, who both looked surprised. Ran giggled. “You look funny!”

 

“My turn!” Ren beamed while taking the device from her. He turned to Haruka, and before he realized what was going on, Ren took a picture of him. “Ah! I photographed Haru-chan!”

 

That startled Haruka, and he looked to the side, embarrassed. Makoto looked at the picture Ren had taken and blushed a little with a smile on his face, which made Haruka worry about what kind of expression he had when Ren took that picture of him. He decided to leave, then.

 

“I’ll be going now.” He announced.

 

“Do you want me to walk you home?” Makoto asked.

 

Haruka looked at him, contemplating his offer, but he took notice of Ren and Ran who were still playing around with their gift and probably wanted Makoto to teach them how to use it, so he reluctantly refused.

 

“No, it’s ok. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

 

Makoto smiled up at him. “Of course”

 

Haruka felt his heart flutter happily at the promise, so he turned around and took his leave immediately. This was driving him insane.

 

\--

 

Haruka had a problem, a really big problem. Something happened he hadn’t accounted for, he hadn’t seen it coming.

 

They were at swim practice, and as usual, Makoto and him were the last two left. After his last lap, Makoto was waiting for him at the end of the lane to pull him out of the pool. This was normal, it was routine. But Haruka had been staring at Makoto for too long during swim practice; staring at his muscles in a way that made him feel like Kou. When Makoto was stretching his back, Haruka caught himself staring at him wantonly; glad that he was behind Makoto and he didn’t catch him staring. So when Makoto pulled him out of the pool, Haruka didn’t act normally.

 

He held onto Makoto’s hand longer than necessary. He wanted to feel his warmth a bit more, and his hand just felt nice; soft but firm around his fingers. He found himself leaning towards Makoto, his eyes locked in their linked hands and he tightened his grip, squeezing Makoto’s hand a little, rubbing his thumb through the back of Makoto’s hand softly; feeling him. Haruka averted his eyes from their hands for a moment, and found Makoto looking at him, surprised and flushed. Just then Haruka realized what he was doing, and released Makoto’s hand abruptly, looking away embarrassed.

 

“Sorry” He muttered to Makoto and headed for the showers quickly.

 

Did he really just do that? What the hell was wrong with him? That was dangerous; so very dangerous. Had he made Makoto freak out? It didn’t seem like it, he was merely surprised, so maybe Haruka hadn’t gone as far as he thought he had. Or maybe since Makoto only saw him as a friend, Haruka groping his hand didn’t seem like that big of a deal to him. Maybe to Makoto, it felt like something normal friends did, or at least normal to best friends like they were who practically spent every breathing moment together, and the only reason he was surprised was because Haruka hadn’t done it before, and not because Makoto had realized Haruka’s true intentions.

 

Haruka turned on the shower and let the water fall on him. That last train of thought made him feel both relieved and heart-broken. Relieved because he hadn’t messed up, not yet anyway, and heart-broken because he just confirmed Makoto didn’t feel the same way about him; he only saw Haruka as his best friend from childhood. That was good because it would keep Makoto oblivious to Haruka’s feelings, and bad because Haruka really did love him.

 

He felt a lump forming on his throat, and was vaguely aware of Makoto taking a shower next to him. He realized he had been spacing out longer than he thought, because Makoto had gotten into the shower after him but was already finished and heading back towards the locker rooms to change.

 

“Don’t take too long, Haru.” Makoto reminded him kindly, and Haruka nodded.

 

He splashed some more water on his face and got out of the shower as well. His mind going numb, he didn’t want to think about his unrequited love. It made him feel empty and he hated it. He focused on the good things instead; on the fact that Makoto was there with him and that was enough. When he entered back into the locker room though, he faced another big problem.

 

Haruka took his towel and started to dry off his hair. Next to him, Makoto was finishing drying himself up. Since Makoto was facing away from him, Haruka felt at liberty to stare at him; he stared at his naked muscled back and the way it flexed with every movement Makoto made. He felt heat rising to his cheeks. He wanted to touch Makoto’s back; to kiss it.

 

Makoto wrapped his towel around his waist and started to take off his swimsuit. With the movement, not only his back flexed in a sexy way, but the towel wrapped around his waist stretched closer to his behind, giving Haruka a great view of Makoto’s ass. When Makoto moved to peel off his swimsuit from his other leg, his towel lowered a bit and Haruka could almost see— _Oh no!_

 

Haruka had to turn around abruptly, realizing with horror the big problem he had; he had gotten hard. And he was still wearing his swimsuit; which didn’t help cover it at all. He took his towel and held it in front of him, hoping it would provide some cover, but being aware of Makoto’s presence wasn’t helping at all. He needed to get out of there. Fast. So he headed back towards the showers, leaving his towel behind.

 

“Haru?” Makoto called after him.

 

“I forgot to wash my hair.” Haru replied in a low voice over his shoulder, refusing to turn to face Makoto.

 

“No, you didn’t!” Makoto protested. “I saw you wash it. Haru! Now’s not the time to be going in there! It’s late! Haru!”

 

Haruka ignored him, grateful that his love for water covered up his real reason for going to hide in the showers. He left the water fall into him again, to calm him down and help him hide his little problem. He only hoped Makoto wouldn’t come and get him, but knowing Makoto, he would eventually, so Haruka had to calm down fast. He started taking deep breaths, counting backwards from 100 and eventually the water helped him relax; right on time, because just then, Makoto walked in.

 

“Haru! We have to go!” Makoto whined holding Haruka’s towel, and Haruka couldn’t help but think of how cute he looked making that face.

 

He got out of the shower again and got his towel back from Makoto.

 

“Sorry. Thanks.” He said as he took the towel and walked back towards the locker rooms; Makoto followed him.

 

_Stupid hormones._

 

\--

 

Lying down in bed at night, Haruka had a lot to think about. Makoto had made him feel different; hot all over. Only remembering it gave him goosebumps. He wanted to touch himself, his hand lingered over his stomach contemplating, but what good would that be? How would he be able to look at his best friend in the eye after doing that? It was hard enough to face him that afternoon after his little incident. He would have to avoid anything that would put him in that position again. He couldn’t, under any circumstances, face anything similar. He would risk losing Makoto’s friendship, and that was unthinkable. Makoto was everything he needed and more; he was all Haruka wanted.

 

Haruka also kept thinking about the little things he noticed from Makoto now. Every look that lingered longer than necessary, every gentle smile and every blush had a whole new meaning for him. He couldn’t help but wish all of those things meant something else. That maybe Makoto also thought of him as more than just his best friend, but he dismissed those thoughts faster than they came. Makoto had always been like that, sweet, caring and just perfect. It was Haruka the one who was changing, not Makoto. It were those new found feelings that made him think all of Makoto’s normal displays of affection could be more than what they really were. So he convinced himself that there wasn’t anything else from Makoto’s part, it was just his stupid feelings that made him see things in a different light; things that weren’t really there. Trying to twist Makoto’s actions in what he hoped they were, would only ruin their friendship.

 

He wouldn’t ask for more. Makoto was his best friend, he had always been there for him and hopefully, he would always be. Things were perfectly fine the way they were, and Haruka would never dare to ruin what they had. He would never risk pushing Makoto away or making things awkward between them. He craved for more, but not if “more” meant their relationship would change for the worst. Hence, he made up his mind.

 

He would keep enjoying Makoto’s company, loving him in silence, and keeping his feelings a secret for their friendship’s sake. After all, such feelings that would only jeopardize their relationship had to go away eventually… right?

 

But they didn’t.

 

\--

 

**_Omake_ **

****

Makoto sneaked into Ran’s bedroom at night, and silently took the DS he’d given the twins as an early birthday present. Once he was in his own bedroom, he searched through all the pictures they had taken; of their parents eating, of stray cats in the streets, of the twins and Makoto making funny faces to the one he was looking for: the picture of Haru that Ren had taken the day before.

 

His Haru was making such an endearing face, looking at the twins affectionately with a rare tiny smile. Makoto treasured that smile, and the fact that he was able to get it in a picture to look at as many times as he’d like to (or at least as many times as he was able to borrow it from Ren and Ran) just made him the happiest guy on Earth. He kissed the picture and drifted-off to sleep looking at Haru’s smiling face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it so far. The story will pick up but I will keep it simple since I literally have no experience writing. English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes, but I hope it wasn't hard to understand. Will update as often as I can, so stay tuned! If you want...


	2. Love advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto's side of the story could practically mirror Haru's, and the latter seeks love advice that just manages to give him more questions than answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un-beta'd. If you spot any spelling or wording mistakes, please do let me know and I'll fix it. Written from Makoto's POV at first, then switches to Haru's and back to Makoto's towards the end. I hope it doesn't get confusing.

Walking towards Haru’s place to pick him up for school, Makoto felt like an idiot; he knew he shouldn’t be this eager to see his best friend, yet somehow he couldn’t help it. It should be easier now to control himself, after his slip the other day at the electronics’ store. He wasn’t able to control his emotions properly on that moment and he almost ruined everything. When he heard that song, a song he had heard so many times before while thinking of Haru, he couldn’t help but want to share it with him. He didn’t stop to think, he just saw the opportunity and took it. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ It wasn’t until Haru kindly reminded him it was a love song that he realized he messed up. For a moment, Haru’s uncomfortable expression made him panic, and he was just about to start rambling his apologies when Haru’s mood shifted back to normal; probably finding it odd that Makoto liked such music and not knowing what to think of it.

 

But it was close, dangerously so; so close that he should’ve been trying his best not to slip again, instead of walking eagerly to his best friend’s house with a dumb smile in his face. Hiding his feelings from Haru had been a lot more difficult than he originally thought it would be. At first, he was under the impression that it was just a crush that developed in the spurt of the moment; because things had been going so well with their friends, and he and Haru felt closer than ever. Makoto thought, since everything had been resolved with Rin and they recovered such a precious friendship, he just confused things. He believed the sudden thoughts of him and Haru in romantic situations that came to his mind were just a result of the happiness that took over them after regionals, and would eventually fade away. Boy was he wrong.

 

Time passed and it only got worse. Haru looked like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders, and he was smiling more as a result. There was a new sparkle in those deep blue eyes of his, his face looked livelier and he was even more talkative at times. Makoto, being the dummy that he was, started thinking of those signs as if they had anything to do with him. But he was just fooling himself, because he knew Haru; and he knew there was no way Haru would feel that way about him. Though it was still nice to pretend when Haru was paying more attention to him and spending more time together with him, it meant something in Haru had been ignited the same way it had happened to Makoto. That he could feel just the same— _Stop!_ Makoto forced those thoughts out of his mind. He had made a decision and he would stick by it. A romance with Haru was impossible so he wouldn’t pursue it; not at the risk of losing his best friend. He loved Haru, and continuing to be by his side like they had been up until that moment was all he would ask for.

 

He arrived at Haru’s house and ringed the bell out of habit, but he knew there would be no answer, so he let himself in through the back door. Haru was having breakfast, something that wasn’t unusual those days. Makoto wouldn’t admit how much he missed pulling Haru out of the bathtub, because a very small part of him was glad for it. Seeing Haru on his swimsuit at practice was one thing, but seeing him on it in the privacy of his bathroom, even though Makoto should’ve been long since used to it, sparkled all kinds of feelings in him. So part of him was glad he didn’t have that chance to make things weird in the morning with his blushing and stuttering.

 

“Good morning, Haru. You could’ve opened the door for me for once!” Makoto said, feigning being hurt as he sat down next to Haru.

 

“It’s too much effort.” Haru shrugged. _I knew you would let yourself in anyway_ his expression said, Makoto could understand it clearly and he giggled a bit. It was so like Haru to say simple things required too much effort. Frankly, Makoto found it endearing.

 

“Well, at least I don’t have to fish you out of the bathtub anymore. You’re making progress, Haru.” Makoto wondered if Haru would notice the little twinge of disappointment in his reply, but the boy in question just looked away from Makoto, suddenly staring intensely at his breakfast with the faintest blush tainting his cheek. _Is he doing it deliberately?_ Makoto asked himself and he couldn’t be sure, since he couldn’t think of a reason why Haru would intentionally deprive himself from spending more time in the tub. Haru certainly wasn’t one to worry about being late for school. Makoto decided to tease him anyway.

 

“Haru’s finally realized it’s important to be early for school? I’m glad!” Makoto grinned.

 

Haru just gave him that look; one Makoto recognized very well, the look that said _Makoto you dummy_ ; though somehow it looked cuter, and it made Makoto feel warm all over.

 

They walked to school together, Makoto welcoming the warmth that engulfed him every time he was together with Haru. It was early, the day barely starting, and he was already having a great one. This was alright.

 

\--

 

At lunch, Haruka sat down in his usual spot with Makoto, Nagisa and Rei. They were all chattering happily about trivial things. There was a certain excitement in the atmosphere that wasn’t unusual those days, considering the fact that they were closer than ever, and even if Rin swam for a different school and team it was a joy that they could swim together again; all five of them. Haruka hummed contently while chewing on his mackerel. He noticed in the corner of his eye the looks Makoto was giving him and tried to hide his blush.

 

He had to do something about it; he couldn’t just keep thinking of Makoto that way and feeling that way about him, because he knew he would eventually slip and everything would be ruined. But what could Haruka do? He didn’t know; he wasn’t someone who cared enough about romance or stuff like that (not until that point anyway) to know anything about it. In fact he didn’t care much about anything that didn’t have to do with his friends, swimming and mackerel. So he needed to ask someone what to do, but who? None of his friends were experienced in that subject, and there was no way in hell he would bother his parents with his predicament. The only person he ever talked to about things that bothered him was Makoto, and he couldn’t be the one he asked for obvious reasons. But he needed help; he needed to know what to do and he needed the answers he didn’t have.

 

Out of all his friends, the only one he considered could be of help was Rei. He was always reading all types of books, right? Some time in his life he should’ve read something about “How to fall out of love with your best friend” or something. If there was a book like that, Rei would know about it.

 

“Waaah! That’s spicy, Rei-chan!” Nagisa complained, snapping Haruka out of his thoughts.

 

“That’s what you get for stealing from other people’s food, Nagisa-kun!” Rei reprimanded him.

 

“It’s not stealing! Mako-chan and Haru-chan eat from each other’s food all the time! And how can you even eat that anyway?!” Nagisa pouted, tears rolling down the corners of his eyes.

 

“You have to eat small bites and combine it with rice.” Rei explained, adjusting his glasses. “If you eat a big portion, that’s what happens.” He said, pointing at Nagisa’s tearful face with his chopsticks.

 

“That’s mean, Rei-chan. You should’ve said so before!” Nagisa complained.

 

“Why do I need to tell you how to eat _my_ food?” Rei asked exasperated.

 

 “Because you’re Rei-chan!”

 

“How does that make any—”

 

“I need something to drink.” Nagisa cut him off. “I’ll get drinks for everyone so we can all share Rei-chan’s lunch!”

 

Makoto giggled a bit, Haruka sighed and Rei protested. But Makoto stood up and offered to help Nagisa carry all the drinks. Haruka knew it wasn’t because he wanted them to share Rei’s lunch, Makoto was just like that. He wouldn’t let Nagisa carry all of the drinks if he could help him. It was one of the many things Haruka loved about Makoto; how caring he was towards his friends. That last line of thought reminded him of his dilemma; he needed to ask Rei what to do as soon as possible. When Makoto and Nagisa were out of sight, Haruka moved closer to Rei.

 

“Rei.”

 

“Yes, Haruka-sempai?”

 

“I have… an assignment. Some homework about… a novel… and I have to answer some questions.” Haruka thought about it on the spot, and he hoped Rei wouldn’t see through his lies.

 

“You want my help? I am perfectly capable of tutoring you. We can organize a study section—”

 

“No, not like that” Haruka interrupted before he would get ahead of himself. He didn’t want Makoto finding out about this “assignment” since he’d know it was false. “I just need you to… answer a question for me.”

 

“Oh… okay. What question is it?” Rei looked confused, so Haruka tried to come up with something convincing.

 

“You see… there is this story about a guy who’s in love with the wrong person. He wants to know… what he should do to fall out of love… Amakata-sensei asked us to write him love advice to help him move on... to write him a letter with the things we think he should try. I know nothing of that kind of stuff so…” Haruka trailed off, and his excuses sounded horrible to him, but Rei bought it.

 

“That’s pretty simple!” Rei pushed up his glasses. “When you say he fell for the wrong person, you mean he fell for someone who’s already taken, am I correct? That seems to be the most common tendency in both literature and reality.”

 

“Yeah… something like that.” Haruka didn’t want to give him too much details, and he figured that piece of information wouldn’t make any difference for what he needed to know. Adding that he fell for the wrong person because that person was his best friend who didn’t feel the same way was unnecessary.

 

“I figured as much. The theory says he has to distance himself from the object of his affections. He should move away from her and avoid places where he could run into her. Distance helps you forget.”

 

Haruka frowned; _that wasn’t good_. Rei didn’t seem to notice and continued on.

 

“It’s also said that meeting up other people and dating someone else will help him move on. He has to find someone who he can spend time with and will occupy his thoughts. If you think about it, it makes sense; because distance will help him forget, and dating another woman will help him think of other possibilities for the future when he remembers his unrequited love.”

 

Haruka stared at Rei blankly thinking he was joking, but suddenly remembered Rei wasn’t one to make jokes. He didn’t know what to say. Rei mistook his silence for incomprehension.

 

“I-in short: Distance and dating.” Rei said a little embarrassed, probably thinking he got carried away.

 

Haruka still didn’t know what to say, so he just nodded. “Thanks.” His expression gave nothing away.

 

Just then, Makoto and Nagisa returned with all their drinks and Haruka was submerged in thoughts. _Well, that didn’t help at all_. He didn’t even humor the idea of being away from Makoto. The whole point of him wanting to get rid of his feelings for Makoto was so that he wouldn’t lose him and their friendship wouldn’t be ruined. That would be completely pointless if he just ended up being away from Makoto all the same. Even if distance was the only way he could get over Makoto, he wouldn’t do it. Nothing, absolutely nothing was more important for Haruka than being with Makoto, even if it wasn’t in the exact same way he wanted. That only left him with the other option: _dating_. Now that was a big problem.

 

Haruka was in love with Makoto, so that meant he was gay, right? Though he couldn’t be sure. Makoto was the only one he had ever fallen for; the only one he had ever felt that way about. He couldn’t be certain if it was just Makoto or if he would be attracted to guys in general. He could just be Makoto-sexual if that was even a thing; it could be his thing. That was a big dilemma; as if finding someone to date who wasn’t the person he loved wasn’t enough of a problem already.

 

Honestly, who could he ever date? Who would put up with Haruka and still love him for who he was? He knew he was difficult. It would take a special sort of person who could understand him; someone like Makoto. No, that wasn’t right, it wouldn’t take someone like Makoto, it would take Makoto himself but that was only wishful thinking. He couldn’t have Makoto. And there was only one Makoto, he was one-of-a-kind, and finding someone like him was impossible; Haruka knew it. So _if_ he was ever going to go through with the dating thing he had to lower his standards.

 

But that still left the question, who? The whole idea was completely wrong, but it would feel a thousand times more wrong if he were just to pick a random person to date; someone who he didn’t even know and didn’t care about. He was sure it was bound to be disastrous then. He had to at least have some sort of attraction, or some sort of interest, _something_. But Haruka was never interested in anybody; no one but Makoto. The only other person who had gotten at least an ounce of his interest compared to Makoto was Rin. And even then it was completely different. With Makoto, Haruka yearned closeness, his kisses, his scent, all of him. With Rin there was none of that. It was a special friendship because he was the one who had taught him what swimming was really about, and when Rin lost that meaning, even if it wouldn’t have been Haruka’s fault, he still felt obliged to make him remember; to bring back his friend who taught him so much and who made him want to be better. But it was just that, friendship. Maybe friendship was enough?

 

But hell, what was he even thinking? He was worried about what his feelings for Makoto would do to their relationship, then what about what dating Rin would do to theirs? It couldn’t be a friend, yet it had to be someone he cared about… _Too much trouble_. Then there was the thing that Rin might not even be gay; and even if he was, he certainly was not interested in Haruka that way. It really was a terrible idea, and he didn’t even know why he was considering it.

 

“Haru, are you ok?” Makoto’s gentle voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

 

Haruka looked around and realized the others had left, class might’ve been about to start. But Makoto stayed, waiting for Haruka like always; there for him, even when he didn’t understand (or at least Haruka hoped he didn’t understand) why was he acting so strangely and syncing himself out. This brought a smile to Haruka’s face. Could’ve Makoto been even more perfect?

 

“Yeah. Thanks for waiting.” Haruka meant it. It was just usual for him then to voice his appreciation of the little things Makoto did for him.

 

Makoto’s face softened, and he gave Haruka the cutest of smiles and replied.

 

“No need to thank me for that, I gladly wait for Haru;” His face suddenly changed into one of worry, “even when you make me late!” and he pushed Haruka back inside towards the general direction of their classroom.

 

Haruka couldn’t help but smile at that, and he knew Makoto was smiling too. They walked back to the classroom together, his troubles forgotten for the moment.

 

\--

 

It was finally the twins’ birthday, and time for their surprise. Makoto’s parents gave him some money and permission to skip school for the day, so he could take the kids to the amusement park that just opened and they had been begging to go to. They sent the twins with him because they wanted to have enough time to decorate the house for the surprise party and welcome all of their little one’s friends. So of course, Makoto asked Haru to go with him.

 

Haru always had a soft spot for Makoto’s siblings. He even sometimes embarrassed himself playing along with them just to make them happy. Naturally, the twins loved Haru as well. Makoto didn’t think Haru realized how much he spoiled them, but then again, so did Makoto. It brought a smile to his face when he thought about the fact that Haru spoiled him too, more so than he did the twins.

 

“Onii-chan you’re spacing out!” Ran scolded him.

 

Makoto blinked in confusion. He had both twins held by the hand and they were in front of Haru’s house to pick him up to go. Since Makoto was taking long (not really but the twins were impatient), Ren rang the doorbell to Haru’s house repeatedly. Makoto chuckled.

 

“That’s enough, Ren. We can go through—” Before he could finish telling them to go through the back door, Haru opened his door ready to go.

 

“Ah! So that’s what it takes to get you to open the door!” Makoto teased him with a grin.

 

Haru rolled his eyes and replied. “Nice to see you too.” Makoto’s grin widened.

 

“Haru-chan! Onii-chan! Where are we going?” Ran asked impatiently.

 

“You’ll see when we get there.” Makoto told her.

 

“Then let’s go already!” Ren started jumping.

 

“Okay, okay.”

 

Makoto kept holding Ran’s hand and Haru now held Ren’s. They walked to the bus station together, and Makoto wondered why that day, of all days the day when they went out with his siblings, felt like a date; a date with Haru (and the twins). The thought both scared him and excited him at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rei's lunch... I don't even know if there's a dish like that, I just made it up. Oops! This chapter came out earlier than I expected, but I can't promise every chapter will be updated as regularly. Though I am looking forward to writing the next one.


	3. Surprise!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys throw themselves out there, but then chicken out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still un-beta'd, so please if you spot any mistakes let me know so I can fix them. Written entirely from Haru's POV.

They arrived at the amusement park, and the twins’ expression said it all. It reminded Haruka of when Makoto made the same adorable surprised face. Like that one time when Haruka announced him he was going to swim in the relay. Or when he confessed how happy it made him to have done so. Or when he finally told Makoto he was glad he was there for him; even though he didn’t dare look at his face in that moment, he could imagine it clearly. All those moments Haruka loved and treasured like no other. But this wasn’t about Makoto, this was about the twins. And he should’ve been avoiding such thoughts about how much he loved Makoto anyway. _Distance and dating_. Rei’s words resounded in his head.

 

“Onii-chan!!” Both Ren and Ran shouted out happily and clung to Makoto.

 

Makoto smiled warmly. “You like your surprise?”

 

“Yes!” Ren said.

 

“Of course!” Ran replied with an expression that said: _isn’t that obvious?_

 

Makoto chuckled. “Well, then. Happy birthday Ren and Ran.” He patted their heads and stroked their hair a bit.

 

They all looked happy, and Haruka couldn’t help but feel happy as well. They were family for him too.

 

“Shall we get going?” Makoto asked looking at Haru, who nodded in response and they all started walking towards the park’s entrance.

 

Haruka could very well say he was having a great time. Ren and Ran wanted to get on every ride they possibly could, so Makoto and him also got in every ride with them. Even though Makoto screamed a lot, even louder than the twins, he looked like he was having fun; and if Makoto was having fun, then so was Haruka. Much to Makoto’s embarrassment, Haruka decided to buy a picture they had taken in one of the roller coasters. Haruka wanted to have a memory of that day, and a picture in which Makoto was clinging to him and screaming seemed pretty damn cute to him. But overall, Makoto was handling all the rides very well; nobody would’ve realized what a scared-y cat he really was. That was until, of course, the twins decided they wanted to go into the haunted house.

 

“I’m not getting into that thing!” Makoto complained.

 

“Come one, onii-chan! For our birthday!” Ran pleaded with her puppy eyes. Haruka wondered if Makoto would fall for that.

 

“Y-you guys can go in with Haru! I’m sure he doesn’t mind going in with you. Right, Haru?” Makoto looked at Haruka with pleading eyes, pretty similar to Ran’s puppy eyes. And Haruka would easily fall for that. But before he could agree, Ren replied.

 

“No fair! It’s only fun if it’s the four of us together! Pleeeaaaaaasseeeeee!”

 

“R-ren, Ran… I-I really can’t…” Makoto fidgeted nervously.

 

Haruka remembered what Makoto did every time he got scared out of his mind: he hid behind him. Haruka considered that maybe he made Makoto feel safe, and the thought gave him all sorts of feelings. So he tried to convince Makoto.

 

“It’s only once, Makoto, and I’ll be there with you the whole time; it’ll be over before you know it.” Haruka extended a hand to Makoto, encouraging him to come with him and looking at the twins. Makoto would know he was asking him _for them_.

 

Makoto hesitated, considering Haruka’s words and looking at his siblings’ pleading eyes. But after a pause he sighed and took Haruka’s hand. “Don’t leave my side.” He pleaded.

 

“I won’t.” Haruka smiled, and thought the promise to not leave Makoto’s side was certainly not limited to the haunted house.

 

“Yay!” The twins gloated.

 

The haunted house was ridden in a small cart designed to hold four people: two in the front and two in the back. The twins got in the front seat and Makoto pulled Haruka with him to the back seat. Before the ride even started, Makoto had already hidden his face in Haruka’s shoulder and held on tightly to his arm. Haruka chuckled amused, he couldn’t deny he found this side of Makoto adorable, and he didn’t mind the closeness at all. Even with his eyes closed and face hidden, Makoto screamed at every sound that startled him and every gush of wind that was meant to simulate a ghost passing by. The twins started giggling, finding their big brother’s behavior hysterical; and eventually, Haruka was laughing too.

 

“Stop laughing at my expense! Waaaaah!” Makoto complained before another sound startled him, but he seemed more relaxed. His scream was light-hearted.

 

“But onii-chan’s too funny!” Ran yelled back from the front seat.

 

Haruka had to agree, and he really couldn’t hold back his laughter though he did hide his face, not used to laughing so freely. It wasn’t like it was the first time he saw Makoto scared like that; in fact, he was used to it. But there was something about the moment that just made him want to laugh. It reminded him of that day when he was with Makoto, Nagisa and Rei at that restaurant, and Rei accidentally ordered three plates. Even though the situations were different, the atmosphere was pretty similar. Haruka also took notice of what seemed to be relaxing Makoto: his laughter. But just then, the ride ended with a long drop and the four of them screamed since it was unexpected. At the end of the drop, the four were laughing.

 

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Haruka asked Makoto.

 

“It wasn’t bad at all.” Makoto told him with a smile and they locked gazes. Haruka was entranced by Makoto’s eyes that twinkled with something he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

 

“Let’s go again, then!” Ren said, getting off the cart and interrupting the moment.

 

“Once enough!” Makoto replied, and the twins started giggling again.

 

They wandered off to get something to eat and some snacks afterwards, and since the twins saw them sharing a popsicle they decided they wanted to share one too. Makoto looked pleased by that. When it was a little late afternoon, Makoto announced they had to go back home. The twins complained because they wanted to stay until it was night to see the fireworks display, and Makoto had to promise they would return in time to see it.

 

When they got back to the Tachibana house, they were greeted by a chorus of “Surprise!” and a lot of kids Haruka didn’t recognize. He assumed they were Ren and Ran’s friends. While the kids played and ran around, Haruka contemplated everything contently. There was a place for him there, he was part of that family and he was sure Makoto was as happy to have Haruka, as Haruka was to have Makoto. That much was enough; that much was great. If he could keep Makoto and his family like that in his life, he was sure he’d be happy. But there was still a problem that wouldn’t go away just because he was ignoring it. He still needed to get over his love for his best friend, but day by day it only seemed to grow stronger. _Distance and dating_. Haruka couldn’t believe that was his answer, but he didn’t have any other ideas, so he would have to try something eventually. Anything to keep Makoto by his side and not scare him away.

 

The party went smoothly, and after they sang happy birthday to the twins and everyone was gone, Haruka helped Makoto and his parents clean up. That was until Ren and Ran remembered a certain promise Makoto made them. Makoto apologized to his parents, but since it was the twins’ birthday, they agreed without complain. It was the little one’s day after all. Naturally, Makoto asked Haruka to go with them and so they all went to the lake nearby the amusement park where people gathered to watch the fireworks display. Once there, Haruka was thirsty, so he told Makoto he’d go get something to drink but Makoto insisted he would go with him. His parents and the kids went to go get a spot and Makoto told them he’d find them. They had to walk quite a bit to get to some vending machines in a store nearby so Haruka could buy a water bottle. They walked back at a slow pace and Haruka was really pleased with the way the day had gone. He had spent an amazing day with the guy of his dreams, and said guy was still walking beside him with the cutest of smiles in his face. As if sensing Haruka was watching him, Makoto looked his way and smiled wider. Haruka couldn’t help but return the smile. They were by the lake then, but not much people were nearby. Makoto suddenly stopped and held Haruka’s gaze; he just couldn’t look away.

 

“Thank you for everything, Haru. I had an amazing day today, and I am happy I was able to share it with you.”

 

Haruka felt his heart beat faster and his cheeks get hot. The way Makoto made him feel was indescribable. It could only be felt, not explained. Then the fireworks started, illuminating the skies and reflecting on the lake, and the moment was perfect. But even with the spectacle in the skies, Haruka couldn’t keep his eyes off of Makoto, and Makoto didn’t look away either. It was like they were having a silent conversation. With one look they shared their happiness and all the emotions that day brought forward. It was similar to that sight they saw when they swam in the relay, but better. More intimate, because it was just Makoto and him. Suddenly, as if there was a something pulling them together, an invisible force attracting them to each other, Haruka leaned to Makoto and Makoto leaned to him.

 

It all happened pretty quickly, he didn’t have time to think about what he was doing. One moment he was lost in Makoto’s eyes, and then he was lost in his lips. Kissing Makoto felt natural, like it was a body reaction compared to breathing. He could feel Makoto’s breath tingling in his face, and the feeling of Makoto’s lips on his was unlike anything he’d ever felt or even imagined. For a while he wondered if Makoto’s lips would feel as soft and warm as they looked, and he had just confirmed they were even better. They were soft, and warm, and moist and made his body shiver all over. Haruka brought one of his hands to Makoto’s face and parted his lips a bit, tentatively brushing his tongue against Makoto’s lips, and the taste was so very wonderful it made him feel light-headed. Makoto gasped a little bit and Haruka took the chance to deepen the kiss and push his tongue into Makoto’s mouth. He was lost, so completely lost in the kiss. There was nothing else in the entire world; there was only Makoto and him kissing each other. He didn’t want to stop; he didn’t want to leave Makoto’s lips and he didn’t want the sensation of their tongues touching each other slowly in a dance where they set the pace to end. But Haruka was pulled harshly back to reality when he heard the sounds of people clapping and whistling.

 

They jolted back startled and pulled away from each other, but realized nobody was paying attention to them; they were just clapping at the fireworks display that was still taking place. Haruka turned back to Makoto, who was staring at him wide-eyed. Haruka felt like the water had been drained from his body. What had he just done?

 

“I-I-I’m sorry, Haru! I really… really didn’t mean it!” Makoto was apologizing.

 

That stung Haruka. Makoto hadn’t meant to kiss him; he probably just went along with Haruka not wanting to hurt his feelings. Haruka had to think of something fast. He could almost feel Makoto slipping away from him. _Distance and dating_ were the only words that came to his mind at that moment, and before Makoto could figure him out and push him away, Haruka had to do something. He said the first thing that came to his mind to save himself.

 

“I’m going to ask Rin out.” He said with the blankest expression he could muster at the moment, and as soon as the words left his mouth he regretted them.

 

“Huh? Eh..? What?” Makoto asked, obviously confused.

 

Haruka had to look away from him. He was going to lie to Makoto with a straight face, and he knew he couldn’t do it looking him in the eye.

 

“That kiss… it wasn’t what you think. I don’t know where it came from…” He trailed off. For some reason it hurt to lie like that. He didn’t want to, but he had to if he wanted Makoto to stay by his side.

 

Makoto was silent, and Haruka still didn’t dare look at him. He was afraid he would figure out his lie and call him out on it. After a long pause, Makoto responded.

 

“Rin? You… like Rin?” Makoto sounded incredulous, and Haruka feared he didn’t believe him.

 

“Yes, I do.” Haruka lied.

 

“But Haru… he’s…” Makoto didn’t finish whatever it was he was going to say.

 

Haruka had to look at him then, because for some reason he couldn’t interpret Makoto’s silence nor figure out what he was about to say.

 

“He’s what? A guy? So what?” He replied defensively, frowning. He didn’t want to think Makoto would see him differently because he was gay, and he would end up distancing himself from Haruka all the same. Makoto never gave the vibe that he was a homophobe, so Haruka never considered that maybe the reveal that he was gay would cause Makoto to pull away from him. _I should’ve thought about this better_ he thought to himself. But before he had time to panic, Makoto replied.

 

“No! That’s not what I meant. It’s great if you’re gay, I just… never imagined… you and him…” Makoto was having a hard time explaining himself.

 

Haruka was just a bit relieved by that. But his chest ached, longing for Makoto. “I guess… I didn’t either, but it is what it is.”

 

“I see.” Makoto looked… sad? He couldn’t tell, because he didn’t dare hold his gaze for longer than a few seconds.

 

Haruka sighed and fought the urge to get closer to Makoto. He held his water bottle tightly and suddenly wanted to strip and dive into the lake; wanting the water to comfort him and provide an escape.

 

“I-I’m sorry about the kiss. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. Please, don’t see me differently, Haru. I’m still your best friend.” Makoto pleaded.

 

Haruka felt he was the one who needed to say those words, but it was somewhat a comfort that Makoto didn’t want things to change or become awkward between the two. _I really didn’t mean it_ resounded in his head. The aching in his chest still wouldn’t let up.

 

“Will you change? Now that you know about my… sexuality?” Haruka couldn’t help but ask.

 

Makoto took a second to reply. “No, of course not. _That’s_ not a problem to me at all.”

 

Haruka sighed in relief, though the way Makoto said it made him think something else might be a problem. But he decided not to give it much thought. He had Makoto’s word and he trusted his best friend more than anything. When he looked at Makoto, he looked expectant, so Haruka felt he needed to give him an answer too.

 

“I don’t see you differently. It was just… a spur of the moment kind of thing, I guess. It happens.” He looked away again; still afraid Makoto would catch his lies and see how much the kiss really meant for him.

 

The fireworks had ended, and there was an awkward silence between the two before Makoto broke it.

 

“Let’s go look for my parents. They must be wondering what took us so long.”

 

“Okay.”

 

They walked back in silence. Suddenly, the calm and happy atmosphere that surrounded them before was completely gone, and left instead one of confusion. Funny that one kiss, which was supposed to bring two people closer, just managed to kill whatever magic there was. But Haruka thought it was for the best, because whatever magic there was only came from his part since Makoto _really didn’t mean it_.

 

Haruka had managed to hide his feelings from Makoto, had managed to make him promise he wouldn’t change and managed to confirm they would still be best friends no matter what just happened. So why did it feel so wrong? Why did it feel like he had just made the worst mistake of his life? Why was he already full of regret? Things were going the way he planned, and he even got a bonus. Makoto had been his first kiss, and nobody could take that away from him. That was more than he ever expected to get, and more than he could’ve asked for. That much was enough.

 

Or so he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may end up being longer than I anticipated, but at least I know where I'm going. There's a few bumps in the road ahead, but I promise a happy ending. <3


	4. Wait... what?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka was not ready for the crap he got himself into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still un-beta'd, so let me know of the wording and spelling mistakes you spot. Makoto's POV at first, then switches to Haru's POV.

As expected, Makoto didn't get much sleep that night. The more he tried not to think about Haru asking Rin out, the more he thought about it. And just like when he was a little kid, if he faced anything scary he would have trouble sleeping and nightmares. That was what Haru dating Rin, or anyone else for that matter, was for him: scary. He couldn’t compare it to anything other than the unpleasant feeling he got when he faced the unknown; and it made him just as restless. He was glad it was Saturday morning so he didn’t have to go to school, as he was sure he would’ve skipped had it been a class day. And skipping two days in a row with no excuse was a big no-no. He didn’t feel like getting out of bed at all, the memories from the night before still haunted him.

 

It hadn’t all been bad, of course. In fact, up until after the kiss the day had been going perfectly. Kissing Haru had been one of, if not the, best experiences of his life; it had been simply magical. Deep down, he knew it wouldn’t last long, but he never thought it would last so little. One moment his dream had come true, and the very next it had been crushed completely. The saying “don’t raise me up if you’re just going to let me fall” suddenly made perfect sense. But it wasn’t Haru’s fault; Makoto really couldn’t blame him. Haru didn’t even know Makoto was in love with him. For him, the kiss had been a spurt-of-the-moment kind of thing, not something to give Makoto hope or make him fall in love even more with him. That was all on Makoto.

 

Still, Haru’s revelation really felt like it came out of nowhere. Yes, the relationship between Haru and Rin was a bit complicated, but he always thought it had to do with the fact that they were friendly rivals. Rin was special to Haru but he never thought it was in that way. But perhaps, it never felt that way to him because he was in love with Haru. So his own feelings might’ve stopped him from seeing Haru’s. If he had been paying more attention it might’ve lessened the blow, since he thought it would’ve helped to have a little warning beforehand. But what was done was done, and there was nothing he could do about it other than cope with it as best as he could.

 

He wouldn’t be able to kiss Haru anymore. And even though the fact that he got to do it at all should’ve been gratifying enough, it didn’t feel that way. Because maybe Rin would get Haru’s kisses from then on; and the thought just made his heart tighten in his chest and his eyes begin to water. _So this is what having a broken heart feels like, huh_. He thought to himself.

 

Even when he would’ve rather spend the whole day locked in his room, he knew he couldn’t do that. Eventually his parents would worry and think he was sick. It was tempting to just pretend he was and use it as an excuse to stay in his bed but he didn’t want to worry his parents or siblings unnecessarily. So he got out of bed reluctantly and tried to look as normal as he could, going through his chores, homework and even playing with his siblings. Luckily, the day passed in a blur, and soon Sunday was going the same way.

 

It was the first time since he could remember that he had spent a whole weekend without Haru for no reason in particular. He thought he needed time and space to deal with his situation, but he already missed Haru. He had also promised Haru he wouldn’t change with him now that he knew about his sexuality, so he had to get it together sooner rather than later; but that was all easier said than done. As if on cue, his mother knocked on his door.

 

“Makoto?” She called him.

 

“Come in.” He called back, straightening in his seat and pretending to be doing homework.

 

She opened the door just enough to poke her head through it. “Haru-chan’s here.”

 

Makoto froze and he felt his heart-beat quicken. Was he ready to face Haru? He had to be, he couldn’t just send his best friend away.

 

“Y-yeah! Tell him to come in.” He felt his voice shake a bit but his mother didn’t seem to notice.

 

She nodded with a smile and went to tell Haru Makoto was waiting for him.

 

Suddenly Makoto felt completely nervous. What should he say? What could he say? He had to act normally; he wouldn’t want Haru to figure him out. He was right to keep his feelings hidden from his best friend, so he had to keep doing it as best as he could.

 

The door opened slowly, and Haru walked into his bedroom closing it behind him. Suddenly, all of Makoto’s worries seemed silly. No matter what had happened, Haru was his best friend; the person he felt most comfortable with. The person who made him feel safe and confident. That much wouldn’t change. Just seeing Haru made him feel such relief that he wondered why he hadn’t gone to see him sooner.

 

“It’s nice to see you, Haru.” Makoto greeted with a genuine smile.

 

“You too.” Replied Haru, but there was worry in his face.

 

“Take a seat!” Makoto gestured towards his bed. “I-I was just going through our English homework. I haven’t gotten the chance to finish it yet.” Though he hadn’t even started it, and he wasn’t going to explain why.

 

Haru took a seat on Makoto’s bed and just stared at him. Makoto could tell Haru had questions for him, and he didn’t want to have to answer them since he would have had to lie. So he rambled about homework.

 

“Makoto.” Haru interrupted him.

 

“Y-yeah?”

 

“Is everything okay?” Haru asked him, but his tone and expression said he already knew the answer.

 

“Why do you ask?” Makoto evaded the question, wanting to lie to Haru as little as possible.

 

“I didn’t see you or hear from you yesterday, and it seemed like I wouldn’t today either. It’s strange.”

 

That was Haru’s way of telling him he missed him, and Makoto couldn’t help but smile at that. It felt nice to know Haru would notice if he wasn’t there; to confirm once again he was as important to Haru as Haru was to him. He stood up from his chair and walked towards his bed to sit next to Haru. He owed his best friend an explanation, so he thought he should stay as close to the truth as possible. He just had to leave out the “I’m so in love with you it hurts” part.

 

“I guess… after Friday night, I didn’t know how to face you. Even after what you said, I didn’t know if you wanted to see me after we… k-kissed.” Makoto said with a blush.

 

Haru frowned, bothered by something. “Is it because I’m gay?”

 

“No! Of course not!” Makoto denied quickly. The idea that he could ever be bothered by Haru’s sexuality, when he was in love with him, was completely ridiculous. But Haru didn’t know that, and it was in Makoto’s best interest that he didn’t find out. “I just… I didn’t want you to feel weird around me after what happened. I wanted to give you space.” Makoto answered as honestly as he could; or as honestly as he _would_.

 

“I didn’t ask for any space.” Haru still looked bothered, though not as much as before.

 

Makoto sighed. He had to let his best friend know he was honest when he said he didn’t mind his sexuality. That what prompted him to stay away for the past two days had nothing to do with what Haru was. He had been so distracted by his own problems that he didn’t stop to think about how Haru would feel. He felt selfish. So he looked at Haru in the eyes and made sure to hold his gaze. Slowly, he raised his hands to put them on each side of Haru’s face and looked at him directly. Bringing their faces close enough to feel his breath but not close enough to touch. He wanted to convey Haru his honesty, he wanted him to understand him in the way only Haru could and be reassured.

 

“You’re my best friend, Haru. Something like that could never make me see you differently, and would never keep me away from you. Please, believe me.” Makoto said trying to make sure Haru would see the truth through his eyes.

 

Haru looked at him with bright eyes and remained speechless for a few moments; taking in Makoto’s words. Then after a couple of seconds, Haru nodded a bit in understanding. And before Makoto’s feelings would make him do something crazy, he pulled away, feeling dazed. He gave Haru a warm smile.

 

“Thank you.” Haru murmured.

 

“Anytime.” Makoto replied with a grin.

 

And just like that, things were better. At moments like that it was so easy to forget about everything else and just spend time with Haru; doing homework, playing videogames and enjoying his best friend’s company. It was easy to forget about his unrequited love and about Rin. It was easy to allow himself to forget.

 

So he forgot.

 

\--

 

Haruka was faced with yet another predicament: he had to ask Rin out. That was what he hated about lying. He would find himself making up more lies to keep up his original lie and the outcome could be messy. If after he told Makoto he would ask Rin out he didn’t do it, Makoto would definitely be suspicious. Not only that, but after Haruka admitted to Makoto he was gay and kissed him, Makoto could very well figure out Haruka’s real feelings if he didn’t keep up his pretense of liking Rin.

 

Turning the fish upside down he took comfort in the fact that it was Rin, and things had never been that way between Rin and him. In fact, Haruka was 100% sure Rin would just laugh at him and tell him to stop being creepy. Rin would definitely turn him down, so it wasn’t like he was going to have to actually date Rin, he just had to make it seem like he tried. Granted, if he wanted to get over Makoto he would have to start dating eventually, but at least his supposed interest in Rin had bought him some time to figure something out. He didn’t know how those things worked, but he was pretty sure he couldn’t just say one day he liked someone, and the next week start dating someone else. So he had time to get over his pretend liking of Rin before he had to go back to the _distance and dating_ thing. Though he didn’t even know why he kept thinking about the distance part. It was clear as day he would never distance himself from Makoto.

 

He finished cooking his breakfast and headed to the table to eat while waiting for his best friend to pick him up for school. They had joined practice at Samezuka that day, so he had a chance to bring up the subject to Rin. Even though he wasn’t particularly eager to embarrass himself in such a way, it was better if he got it over with as soon as possible.

 

Suddenly, he couldn’t wait for Makoto to arrive. He wanted to see his smile, to reassure himself that whatever it was he had to put up with was completely worth it. Even if all he could have was Makoto’s friendship, it was more than worth it. Whatever it took to keep him by his side.

 

The doorbell rang and Haruka smiled a bit, turning slightly to face towards the general direction of the back door from where Makoto would come in in a few seconds.

 

\--

 

Haruka spent as much time as he possibly could in the pool. Feeling the water, welcoming it, letting it relax him and work its magic on him. Being underwater was like an escape; a really comforting and safe escape. So he held onto that for as much as he could, or for as much as they would let him, because the moment he got out of the pool he would have to face Rin. He turned, and twirled, and floated on his back until it was time to go. The other guys had already showered and changed, they were just waiting on Haruka.

 

“You guys can go ahead.” Makoto told Nagisa and Rei after he helped Haruka out of the pool. “I’ll wait for Haru.”

 

That was normal, so they agreed and left. Haruka looked around to see if Rin was still there, and saw him telling good bye to Nagisa and Rei before he started walking towards Makoto and him. That was his chance.

 

“Makoto, you can go ahead with them. I’ll catch up with you later.” He nodded his head towards Rin in a suggestive manner. Makoto would understand. Even though he had thought about confessing to Rin in front of Makoto, he decided against it. For some reason it just felt terribly wrong, and Makoto didn’t really have to see him making a fool of himself. He just had to think he tried.

 

“Oh! O-okay.” Makoto replied. “I’ll see you later, Haru. Good luck.” He smiled, but it seemed off. He walked away before Haru could think too much of it.

 

Makoto and Rin said their good-byes to each other, and then Rin looked at Haru confused. He looked back to Makoto who was walking out of the pool area and back to Haru who was still in his swimsuit.

 

“Leaving without you? Talk about rarities.” He joked.

 

“Go with me for a walk.” It wasn’t even a question, and Haruka didn’t even bother to wonder if he was doing it right.

 

“Huh? Why?” Rin asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

Haruka just shrugged.

 

“Tsk. Fine, you’re such a pain.” Rin complained.

 

 _If you don’t want to come, don’t do it_. Haruka wanted to say, but refrained from doing so. After he showered, Rin walked with him towards the bus station. Not much of a walk but that would do. It wasn’t like Haruka would need an awful lot of time to bring up the subject.

 

“Rin, I like you. Let’s go out.” Haruka said with a flat tone.

 

“Huh?!” Rin looked at him incredulously.

 

Haruka just stared at him indifferently, as if he had just said the sky was blue. As expected, Rin burst out laughing.

 

“Is that how you ask someone on a date? You suck!”

 

Haruka shrugged indifferently. He got the answer and reaction he expected, though he was still expecting Rin to call him creepy.

 

“Fine, I’ll be your boyfriend.” Rin suddenly said.

 

 _Wait… what?_ Haruka looked at Rin abruptly. Rin had to be making fun of him. But there was something in his eyes. The glint he got whenever he was in competitive mode; whenever he wanted to out-do Haruka and prove he was better.

 

“What?” Haruka asked, still not sure what Rin really meant.

 

Rin shrugged and his eyes were mocking. “You obviously got the hots for me, not that I could blame you. So I’ll be your boyfriend. Be grateful.”

 

Okay, Haruka definitely knew then Rin was just making fun of him. There was no way in hell he meant what he said. Haruka narrowed his eyes.

 

“You’re mocking me, aren’t you?”

 

Rin burst out laughing again. “Well, you started it! What? Are you angry that I’m beating you at your own game?”

 

Haruka rolled his eyes. Rin knew exactly how to get on his nerves. Even though it was a relief that Rin took it as a joke, he still didn’t like to be made fun of.

 

 “You’re annoying.” Haruka told him.

 

Rin suddenly stopped and looked at Haruka as if he had just figured something out. “And you’re not much of a jokester.”

 

Haruka paused his walking too, and looked at Rin in confusion. Had he really just realized Haruka wasn’t one to make jokes? Sudden realization hit him and he froze. Rin had figured out he wasn’t really joking when he asked him out.

 

“Huh. It was like that after all.” Rin said.

 

Haruka didn’t know what to say. In his urge to hide his feelings for Makoto and not to creep him out, he hadn’t really thought about what would happen to his friendship with Rin if he were to take him seriously. The thought never occurred to him, he was completely sure Rin would just laugh it off. Clearly, he was wrong. He underestimated Rin’s intelligence.

 

“Well, I’ve been wondering about… I guess it can’t hurt to try with you.” Rin was serious and calculating. As if he had just thought about a new training regimen.

 

There was something about Rin’s tone that unsettled him, and Haruka couldn’t help but feel like he had yet again made a huge mistake. Rin got closer to him.

 

“Just don’t fall in love with me, dumbass.” Rin told him in a soft tone.

 

And before Haruka could say anything, before he could tell Rin that wouldn’t be a problem since his heart was already taken, Rin silenced him with a kiss. Haruka’s eyes went wide and he froze. _What the hell_.

 

Kissing Rin was completely different from kissing Makoto. Haruka didn’t react, didn’t kiss back. He just let it happen. It wasn’t bad, but it just felt _wrong_. He didn’t want to explore Rin’s mouth the way he had wanted to explore Makoto’s. He didn’t feel like he never wanted to let go like he had felt when he kissed Makoto. In fact, it was awkward and uncomfortable and he wanted it to stop. Thankfully, Rin didn’t feel like being too invasive and pulled away.

 

“What a crappy kisser you are. Something else I’m better than you at.” Rin replied smugly.

 

 _Makoto’s a better kisser than you_ , Haruka’s competitive side wanted him to say. But he was too shocked by what had just happened to say anything at all.

 

Rin smirked. “See you later, boyfriend of mine.” And he walked away waving over his shoulder.

 

 _What the hell did I get myself into?_ Haruka thought to himself. He still couldn’t figure Rin out. He was definitely mocking him and trying to out-do him, but Haruka couldn’t figure out why he was doing it or how far he was going to go with it. He didn’t know if Rin would take the boyfriends thing seriously to prove a point. That was one of the many things that irritated him about Rin, how unpredictable he was. It was his own fault for telling Makoto he liked Rin. He should’ve told him he liked random guy 101 from their class and be done with it. Now he was trapped in Rin’s little game and unable to get out of it because he had to keep up the pretense that he had a crush on him. _Fucking fantastic._

 

Settling himself in the bus to go back home, there was only one person he could think of. The only person he yearned for and the one who he wished he had kissed. For some reason, Haruka felt like he was betraying him. The only one he loved.

 

 _Makoto; if only you loved me the same way I love you._ Those were his thoughts as the bus started moving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That particular scene.... was annoying for me to write, honestly. But that's the whole point, so I guess I'm doing it right. ._. I hope I can keep updating regularly to get to the good stuff fast. >.>


	5. Distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru struggles with the consequences of his actions and Makoto helps him take his mind off of it. But you can only avoid something for so long...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than usual. As always, let me know of the spelling and wording mistakes since I have no beta. I prefer to use Kou over Gou, but Rin and Nagisa use Gou, and the rest of the gang switch from Kou to Gou sometimes. Sorry if it's annoying. Written from Kou's POV at first, then Haru's, then Makoto's and back to Haru's.

“Whaaaat?! You and Haruka-sempai?!” Kou asked her brother shocked; and shocked was an understatement!

 

Rin just nodded and shrugged. Kou could tell he was annoyed, but she didn’t care. If he had suddenly decided to drop a bomb such as that one, he had to put up with her reaction and questions. “I’m dating Haru, by the way” was certainly not what she expected to hear a morning before school, while she visited her brother on his dorm to pick up a book about physical training to help the Iwatobi swim club boys. She didn’t even know they were a thing for crying out loud! She doubted anyone did, really.

 

“Since when?!” She practically yelled.

 

“Tsk, you’re so loud. Since yesterday.”

 

“Tell me more!”

 

“Why do I have to?” Rin snapped at her.

 

“Why did you tell me if you didn’t want me to ask you more about it?!” Kou snapped right back at him, annoyed. Certainly her brother didn’t expect her to just drop it. He couldn’t be that silly. Then again, he was Matsuoka Rin.

 

Rin rubbed the back of his neck and looked away with a shrug. “I just wanted to see what it felt like to tell you.”

 

“Ehhh?” Kou was certainly confused. “Stop being weird and out with it!”

 

Rin let out a heavy sigh. “Yesterday after swim practice he asked me out and I said yes. Happy?”

 

“Just like that?” Well, that was anti-climatic and not exciting at all, Kou thought. “That’s random.”

 

Rin smirked. “That’s Haru. I still don’t even know if he was serious or not.”

 

Rin didn’t seem bothered by that, to Kou’s surprise. Surely, if a guy asked her out and she didn’t think he was serious or suspected he was mocking her she would just say no. That made Kou wonder if Rin himself was serious about dating Haru or not. After all, it was no secret to her that her brother was still confused about his sexuality.

 

“How do you feel about Haruka-sempai?” She asked him, and that was totally a normal question to ask your big brother… but Rin thought otherwise.

 

“Don’t try to have a girl talk with me! It’s creepy!” He complained.

 

Kou rolled her eyes and exclaimed “Boys.”

 

As she considered what her brother told her, something else came to her mind: Makoto. She was sure Haruka-sempai and Makoto-sempai were the ones who had a thing going on. In fact, thinking they had a thing was what made her give up her crush on Makoto; because she thought that even if he and Haruka didn’t become official, he was gay either way. But maybe she was wrong? Did that mean her crush on Makoto wasn’t so hopeless after all? Could she have a chance?

 

“I have to tell the boys!” Kou exclaimed, getting to her feet in a hurry to get to school. Suddenly, she had to find out by herself how serious Haruka was about her brother. If he would confirm or deny it once she broke the news to the rest of the boys.

 

“Hey! Don’t get so excited!” Rin shouted after her.

 

“Yeah, yeah. Love you, brother!” She exited his dorm and closed the door behind her.

 

At the same time, Seijuro Mikoshiba exited the dorm right across from her brother’s and greeted her with a big smile.

 

“Good morning, Gou-kun! What a pleasant surprise.” He said.

 

Her joy of seeing him was always over-shadowed by her annoyance at his nickname for her. But she did find a way to get back at him.

 

“Sorry, Captain. I’m in a hurry. See you later!” She ran off hiding her smile at his cute pout. She figured out he didn’t like it when she called him “Captain” anymore. Because he liked to consider them as acquaintances and that title was too formal; besides she knew his name. So she would keep calling him Captain until he stopped calling her Gou-kun.

 

Thoughts about Seijuro and his nickname and his cute pout were out of her head the moment she remembered the mission she had. To find out if Haruka was serious about her brother in order to see if she had any chance with Makoto.

 

\--

 

Haruka was in a hurry to just dive in to the pool at practice. He always was, but that day he was particularly eager because he wasn’t having the best of days. He didn’t know how to or if he should bring up the subject about Rin to Makoto. Not only because he wasn’t sure himself what the hell had just happened, but also because lying like that to his best friend and guy he loved, even if justified, felt completely _wrong_.

 

Makoto didn’t ask him about it either, which was a relief. As always, Makoto must’ve noticed something was bothering Haruka and didn’t want to pry on it. Just giving him time and space until he was ready to share whatever was on his mind. Just thinking about the way Makoto took care of him and looked out for him engulfed Haruka in such a pleasant feeling that his eagerness to dive into the pool just increased, if that was even possible.

 

But he was stopped dead on his tracks by an annoying call of his name that he would’ve ignored, had it not been for Nagisa who was walking in front of him and stopped to look at the person who was calling out Haruka’s name.

 

“Haruka-sempai! Haruka-sempai!” Kou was running towards them, moving one of her arms in the air and holding a small book in the other one.

 

Even though she was only calling out for him, the rest of the boys also stopped to wait for her just a few feet from the pool. Haruka frowned and looked away to the water. He thought whatever it was Kou wanted to tell him could wait and he could just dive in right then. But Kou had already caught up to them, panting and looking like she was about to burst. Haruka sighed.

 

“Did you tell them?” Kou asked him with a blush on her face and twinkling eyes.

 

That caught him off-guard. Tell who? And tell them what? He frowned a bit while he voiced his confusion. “What?”

 

Kou pouted a little bit. “The boys! Didn’t you tell them you and my brother are boyfriends now?!”

 

Haruka’s eyes widened, stunned. Had Rin told her about yesterday? Why had he done that?!

 

“Ehhhh?! Haru-chan is dating Rin-rin? Whaaaat?” Nagisa complained, looking from Haruka to Kou.

 

“T-that’s quite an unexpected thing to say, Kou-san.” Rei added, obviously taken off-guard by Kou’s question. Makoto was strangely silent.

 

Haruka looked at Nagisa and then at Rei who both had an equally confused expression on their faces, but he didn’t dare to look at Makoto. He then turned to Kou.

 

“Who told you that?” He asked her.

 

“My brother did! I visited him this morning to get this book to help you guys with your training.” She said while she raised the book she was holding in her hands. Haruka frowned.

 

“Is it true, Haru-chan?!” Nagisa asked him.

 

Should he deny it? No, he couldn’t do that. If he did that the entire pretense that he actually liked Rin would go to shit. He honestly couldn’t believe what he had stupidly gotten himself into.

 

“Ah.” He affirmed with one curt nod and looked away to the water again, annoyed.

 

“Ehhh?!” Nagisa, Rei and Kou yelled in unison.

 

“But Haru-chan, why? He has strange teeth, he will hurt you! Besides, I don’t believe it! It’s so sudden!” Nagisa kept complaining. He surely wasn’t fooled.

 

“It’s not that sudden!” Kou tried to reason.

 

“It is pretty sudden.” Rei interjected, lost in thought. His expression worried Haruka; he didn’t want Rei to link his out-of-the-blue relationship with Rin to the conversation they had some days back.

 

“See? Even Rei-chan agrees! Don’t you too, Mako-chan?” Nagisa addressed Makoto. Haruka still didn’t dare look at him.

 

“Now, now. They’re our friends. Let’s just wish them the best and get to practice.” Haruka could hear Makoto’s nervous smile in his tone.

 

Both Nagisa and Rei looked at Makoto with concern. Then their expressions changed as if they were feeling inappropriate.

 

“I-I’m very sorry, Haruka-sempai.” Rei apologized. “I hope everything goes well with you two.”

 

“Ne, ne, Haru-chan. Be careful with those teeth. And practice kissing! Mako-chan, you should practice with him!” Nagisa tried to give him dating advice, and Haruka tried to ignore the warm feeling the mention of kissing Makoto gave him.

 

“He can’t practice with Makoto-sempai! That’s not how it works!” Kou told Nagisa looking bothered.

 

“Then you can practice with me, Haru-chan!” Nagisa got closer to Haruka making a kissy-face.

 

“Nagisa-kun! That’s not what Kou-san meant! If he has a boyfriend now he can’t go around kissing other people!” Rei reprimanded Nagisa.

 

“Why not?” Nagisa pouted.

 

“What do you mean _why not_?” Rei was blushing exasperated.

 

Haruka then felt a warm hand in his shoulder. He looked back to see Makoto with a smile on his face that didn’t quite reach his eyes, but it made him feel better nonetheless.

 

“Let’s start practice, Haru.” Makoto told him; ignoring Rei and Nagisa’s small argument.

 

Haruka instantly relaxed. Glad that he would finally be able to get into the pool, and glad that he had Makoto; his guardian angel, his safe harbor. He thanked Makoto silently and reminded himself that whatever distress he had to go through, whatever teasing he had to endure, if he got to keep Makoto by his side, it was all worth it.

 

He dived into the pool with Makoto and allowed himself to forget, even if just for a little bit, about the whole mess with Rin.

 

\--

 

They were on their way back to Haru’s home from practice, and Makoto couldn’t stop thinking. He wanted nothing more than to tell his mind to _shut up_ , but it wouldn’t listen. The whole issue with Haru and Rin was driving him nuts, because it was all so confusing. He usually was pretty good at figuring Haru out, but even he got it wrong sometimes. And that was one of those times when he felt lost.

 

Haru didn’t look happy at all. In fact, he was certain Haru was distressed and pressured. But pressured by what or who? He didn’t know how it was for Haru, but he could imagine if Haru felt for Rin even an ounce of what Makoto felt for Haru, then he should’ve been dancing with joy at getting the one he loved to date him. But Haru wasn’t happy, and that scared him. He didn’t like to see his best friend like that, and he didn’t want to add to the pressure he felt by assaulting him with questions. But he did want to make sure Haru was hanging in there, and if there was anything Makoto could do to help. Watching his best friend carefully, Makoto dared to ask him.

 

“Haru, is everything alright?” It was a stupid question and Makoto knew it. He didn’t have to ask that to know something wasn’t alright. But he didn’t want to just go directly with a “what’s wrong?” that would make Haru feel like he was obligated to answer. That way, Haru could just shrug off the question with a simple “yes” and Makoto would know he wasn’t ready to talk about it just yet.

 

They were walking slowly, and Haru looked at him for a moment before averting his gaze and looking ahead.

 

“Sorry I didn’t tell you about Rin. I didn’t even think he took me seriously.” Haru frowned.

 

So that was it. Those few words from Haru suddenly cleared everything up. Rin probably started teasing Haru and that made him uncomfortable. He couldn’t imagine how hard it must’ve been for his best friend. To finally work up the courage to confess his feelings, something Makoto had never been able to do, only to be mocked. The thought angered Makoto. How could Rin do something like that? After all that had happened, after all he had put Haru through, he still had it in him to keep hurting him. Makoto clenched his fists. He really hated when anyone hurt Haru. He wished he could protect him from everything and everyone. But things weren’t that simple; Rin was also their friend, and no matter the amount of anger Makoto felt at that moment he couldn’t hold a grudge against him for long. Right then, his only concern was Haru. He knew the pain of unrequited love, and that was probably how Haru was feeling before Gou-chan’s sudden outburst earlier. He wanted to comfort his friend.

 

“Don’t stress over it; you know how Rin is. He’s told Gou-chan about you guys so he must feel the same way about you. That’s a good thing, right?” Makoto really tried to sound enthusiastic for Haru’s sake, but he couldn’t help the lump that formed in his throat.

 

Haru looked at him with a sadness that Makoto thought could mirror his own, and he instantly knew there was nothing he could say that would make him feel better. It was time to drop the subject. But he still had to do something, anything, to try and cheer Haru up. Then it hit him. He clapped his hands enthusiastically.

 

“You know? It’s been a long time since we last went _there_?” He smiled at Haru hopefully, and as expected, Haru’s reaction was immediate.

 

He stopped his walking and looked at Makoto with twinkling eyes. “Do we have the money?” He asked.

 

“I think we do. I don’t have to save up for Ren and Ran’s birthday present anymore so I’ve been contributing my share.” Makoto made a mental calculation of how much they could have and he was pretty sure it was enough. Granted, they would spend all their savings but it was worth it.

 

“Let’s go check.” Haru told him, taking a hold of his hand and pulling Makoto faster towards his house.

 

Once there, they immediately went up to Haru’s bedroom and pulled the little box of savings from under his bed. Makoto put in a couple of bills he had in his pocket and they started counting. Yes, they indeed had enough and even a little more to spare. They looked at each other smiling.

 

“We’re going to the water park?” Haru asked Makoto with bright eyes, and Makoto knew that all he wanted was for Makoto to say it.

 

“We’re going to the water park.” Makoto confirmed, smiling.

 

Mission accomplished. Haru’s mood had finally brightened and as a result, so did Makoto’s.

 

\--

 

In the blink of an eye it was Saturday. Haruka hadn’t spoken to Rin in the last couple of days so he eventually relaxed; glad that Makoto had given him something to look forward to.

 

The day was going so great that it reminded Haruka of when they took the twins to the amusement park for their birthday. So he did his best to avoid thoughts of it being more like a date because they were alone and how it could end with a kiss, and focused on the water instead. That was, of course, more difficult than he expected it to be; especially when Makoto seemed to have some admirers.

 

He couldn’t describe the annoyance he felt at the girls who were ogling at Makoto. Well, it was really only one girl who was ogling at Makoto, but she had a friend, so Haruka found her annoying too. He kept trying to tell himself that it wasn’t his place to get jealous over Makoto, but he couldn’t help how he felt. Furthermore, trying to reassure himself that he shouldn’t get jealous just lead him to think about how he should get used to it because Makoto would eventually start dating, and that was something he definitely didn’t want to think about. He wasn’t ready for that yet, and he doubted he ever would be.

 

Haruka managed to lose the girls and take Makoto to one of the pools that was less crowded. There he could finally relax again and enjoy the perfect combination of the water and his best friend’s company. They swam, and raced, and splashed each other with water. One time, Makoto got distracted looking at some kids who had floaters exactly like the ones Ren and Ran had, and Haruka took the chance to dive underwater and hide from Makoto in one corner of the pool. When Makoto turned around he was confused at his best friend’s absence.

 

“Haru?” Haruka heard him call and waited underwater.

 

He had his eyes opened under water and could see when Makoto was approaching where he was, most likely looking for him. When he had passed by him, Haruka got close behind Makoto and pulled his legs. As expected, Makoto freaked out.

 

“Waaaaaah!” Makoto yelled and Haruka surfaced. “Haru! Don’t scare me like that!” Makoto splashed him playfully, trying to act angry but having a smile that betrayed him.

 

Haruka smiled too but it was concealed underwater since he was still nose-deep in water. Makoto was adorable. Just then, he saw in the corner of his eye the same girls from before as if they were searching for something, and Haruka thought he had a pretty good idea of what they were searching for.

 

“Let’s go to the water slides.” He told Makoto and dragged him out of the pool in the direction of the slides.

 

“O-okay.” Makoto agreed, though Haruka could tell he was confused about Haruka’s sudden hurry to get out of there.

 

Unfortunately for Haruka, he didn’t manage to escape in time. The sneaky little bitches caught up with them and got in line after them to one of the slides. Haruka couldn’t hide his annoyance, and of course, Makoto noticed.

 

“Haru, we can get back to the pools if you want.” Makoto told him, confused by Haruka’s attitude.

 

Haruka considered it since he didn’t even manage to get away from the annoying girls, and he would’ve much rather be somewhere he could dive in water with Makoto. But they would just follow them anyway, so Haruka thought it was best if he waited until after they got out of the slide so he could lose them again.

 

“No, it’s fine.” Haruka responded.

 

Makoto chuckled a bit. “If you say so.”

 

But those two seemed to have a plan of their own…

 

“Umm, excuse me?” The blue-haired girl, who was the one who Haruka caught staring at Makoto, called for them.

 

Haruka all but glared at her but naturally, she wasn’t even looking at him, she was looking at Makoto.

 

“Yes?” Makoto replied in a friendly manner, making Haruka frown.

 

The girl blushed at having Makoto finally acknowledge her, and Haruka’s annoyance grew by the second.

 

“Well… I was wondering if we could get in with you? Four people can get in those tubes, and my friend and I are kind of scared to go in by ourselves.” She told Makoto with an apologetic smile.

 

_Then just don’t get in if it scares you!_ Haruka wanted to snap at her, but Makoto the traitor just had to be all friendly and empathetic towards someone who was “afraid” of slides with long drops.

 

“Sure! Don’t worry about it. Slides like this one aren’t _that_ scary.” Makoto smiled, and Haruka just wanted to drag him away.

 

“Not _that_ scary? That’s not very comforting!” She laughed.

 

“Sorry, sorry.” Makoto apologized with a smile.

 

She extended her hand to him. “I’m Kaede, by the way. And this is my friend Ayumi.”

 

Makoto shook her hand. “Nice to meet you Kaede-san, Ayumi-san; I’m Makoto and this is my friend Haru.”

 

The Ayumi girl looked at Haruka with a hopeful smile, but he looked away and he swore he could feel himself pouting. He tried to control it, really. The two girls giggled for some reason.

 

“Could it be Haru-kun is also a little scared of the slide?” Ayumi asked him still smiling, and when Haruka looked back at her she was too close for comfort.

 

“Ah! I’m sorry Kaede-san. I just remembered Haru and I have something to do!” Makoto interrupted and then turned to the couple who was in front of them in the line. “Excuse me, could they get in with you?” He pointed towards the girls. “They’re a little scared and we have to go.”

 

The couple was nice enough to accept, and Makoto thanked them while dragging Haruka away. “I’m sorry Kaede-san and Ayumi-san, but have fun!” And then they were off.

 

Haruka was of course glad Makoto had done that, but he was confused by his motives to do it. He looked at Makoto questioningly.

 

“Ah, sorry about that, Haru. You just seemed too uncomfortable. If you really want to get in we could go back later.” Makoto told him apologetically, and Haruka couldn’t help but smile.

 

“No, it’s fine. Let’s go to the rapids pool.” Haruka lead the way, secretly pleased with the way things had turned out.

 

And the day was spent like that. From pools, to slides, to snack breaks, and they didn’t see the girls again, thank god. And no matter how much he tried not to think about it, Haruka couldn’t shake off the thought that he did indeed feel like he was in a date with Makoto.

 

\--

 

The sun was setting, and Haruka and Makoto were walking out of the water park. Both of them were smiling contently, though feeling a little tired.

 

“Did Haru have fun?” Makoto asked him, and the smile on his face told Haruka he already knew the answer.

 

“Don’t ask if you already know.” Haruka told him.

 

Makoto giggled. “I am glad you did. I did too.”

 

The atmosphere was a little bit too familiar, and Haruka knew he needed to get rid of those thoughts immediately, but he didn’t know how. He just looked straight ahead to where they were walking and tried as best as he could not to look at Makoto. Or at least not look at him for too long.

 

Then, as if his issues just insisted in catching up with him, Haruka was reminded of the very reason why Makoto had brought him to the water park in the first place. He was reminded of the huge mess he had gotten himself into that he had managed to avoid and forget about for a few days, but clearly he couldn’t keep avoiding it.

 

Looking ahead he just spotted the one person he absolutely didn’t want to see, and who looked right back at him with a surprised expression that told him he wasn’t expecting to find Haruka there either. Makoto took notice of him at the same time and stopped his walking.

 

“Rin?” Makoto asked, as if he wasn’t sure he was seeing the right person.

 

But he wasn’t wrong, it was indeed Rin. _Oh crap._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is that a cliffhanger? Sorry, but the chapter was getting too long! I'll start rocking the boat now before the ship sails, so the next chapter could take me longer than usual since it's a challenge for me. But I'll try to get it out this week.
> 
> Also, I didn't take into consideration the school year and the climate in Japan to make a proper timeline. Oops.


	6. It's complicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru learns what it feels like to want what he can't have, and have what he doesn't want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another pretty long chapter... As always, un-beta'd. Feel free to correct me, please, I appreciate it. Some parts are from Haru's POV and others from Makoto's. I think it's easy to see which one is which, but if it's confusing let me know!

Haruka couldn’t believe his luck, or lack thereof he should say. Why there of all places, of all times did he have to run into his supposed boyfriend. Granted, he knew he couldn’t avoid him forever, but he preferred it if he didn’t have to face him right then when he was just having thoughts about kissing and dating his best friend. Rin began to approach them slowly, and Haruka felt Makoto tense beside him.

 

“Tsk. I should’ve known if there was a water source nearby you wouldn’t be too far away.” Rin said rolling his eyes.

 

“Hello, Rin.” Makoto greeted him. Haruka, however, wasn’t so casual about it.

 

“Rin, what are you doing here?” He asked him with a slight frown.

 

“Jeez, Haru, don’t look so happy to see me.” Rin rubbed the back of his neck. “But since I’ve ran into you here, can we talk?”

 

No, of course they couldn’t talk right then with Makoto there. What was Rin thinking?

 

“U-umm, I guess I’ll go ahead and wait for you at the station, Haru.” Makoto said.

 

Haruka was glad for his understanding, but before Makoto started to walk away, Rin stopped him.

 

“Nah, stay here, Makoto; I won’t take long. Besides, you’d just find out about everything anyway.” Rin told Makoto.

 

“O-okay.” Makoto agreed, and Haruka couldn’t think of a reason why he would’ve agreed.

 

Haruka turned to Rin and braced himself waiting for him to speak.

 

“Were you actually serious when you told me you wanted us to go out?” Rin cut straight to the chase, and Haruka cursed himself.

 

Why did they have to have this conversation in front of Makoto? He wanted nothing more than to talk in private with Rin, clear everything up and pretend it never happened. But with Makoto there, it was impossible. Haruka turned to Makoto, wanting him to understand that he needed to have this conversation with Rin privately.

 

“Makoto” he called him, but Makoto wasn’t looking at him. He was looking at Rin thoughtfully.

 

“C’mon, Haru, you don’t need Makoto to translate this for you. Yes or no, it’s a pretty goddamn simple answer.” Rin said annoyed.

 

Haruka turned back to Rin then, since for some reason Makoto was ignoring his secret pleads. He would regret this later, no doubt about it, but for now it seemed like it was the only option he had.

 

“Yes.” He said simply.

 

But Rin didn’t look convinced. He sighed heavily. “If you don’t want this just say so, dumbass; I’m not too sure of it myself.”

 

Rin was giving him an out, and Haruka wanted it so badly. But then he thought better about things. Hadn’t he already decided that he needed to date someone else in order to get over Makoto? Didn’t he decide that said person had to be someone he cared about to some degree? Rin was willing to be that person, and even with the promise that he wouldn’t fall in love with him. Haruka felt like a lab rat, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel offended about being a subject of Rin’s experiments. After all, he was also going to use Rin, and the less serious Rin was about him the better. It would be easier that way when they decided to end it.

 

So Haruka made up his mind. He couldn’t keep on doing nothing about his feelings for Makoto and going on “dates” with him. He had to start somewhere, and even though he was reluctant to take the first step, since the first step was always the hardest, this was a road he was determined to walk in. In order to keep Makoto by his side, in order to not taint a friendship such as the one they had, he would accept Rin’s help.

 

“I’m serious.” Haruka finally said, a little more convincingly now that he had made up his mind.

 

Rin looked at him reluctantly, but after a few seconds of just staring at him, his face went from skeptical to that mocking look that annoyed Haruka so much.

 

“Well, fine. If that’s what you want, I’ll indulge you.” Rin got much closer to Haruka. “But remember what I told you.”

 

Haruka looked at him and simply nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. Then Rin suddenly leaned in to kiss him. But Haruka was too aware of Makoto’s presence for that, so he turned his face and Rin ended up pressing a light peck to the corner of his mouth, which Haruka didn’t return. It was uncomfortable.

 

“You definitely are a horrible kisser. I’m gonna have to teach you.” Rin winked at him mockingly, and Haruka glared fighting the urge to tell him he’d had better. Then Rin turned around and walked away, waving over his shoulder. “See ya’ around.”

 

When Rin had walked out of sight, Haruka turned his gaze to Makoto, who was looking ahead absent-mindedly with a frown in his face.

 

“You’re not a bad kisser at all, Haru.” Makoto said still absent-mindedly, and Haruka felt his face flush and heart beat quicken at his words. Makoto then finally looked at him, and whatever he saw in Haruka’s face made him realize what he had actually said. “I-I-I’m so… W-well I didn’t mean to—” Makoto started stammering, then took a deep breath and exhaled in defeat. “Well, you aren’t.” He finally said, shrugging as if he had just stated a common fact but blushing.

 

Haruka had to look away to hide his small smile. Makoto had enjoyed their kiss, and that was something he never expected to hear from him. Haruka was feeling really pleased with himself.

 

“It’s probably just Rin’s fault.” Haruka shrugged.

 

“You think Nagisa was right? About his teeth?” Makoto teased.

 

“Definitely” Haruka simply replied.

 

“Then you better be careful.” There was a serious warning underneath Makoto’s teasing tone, and Haruka just found it incredibly amusing.

 

They looked at each other, and then chuckled a bit light-heartedly. On their way back home, even though it felt normal, Haruka couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was off. Makoto looked a little tense, and Haruka just couldn’t stop thinking that he may have made another huge mistake.

 

He just hoped things wouldn’t change with Makoto.

 

\--

 

Makoto certainly knew things would change, but he didn’t expect to feel so… lonely. He still got to spend time with Haru like he was used to, but there were times when Haru went out with Rin to god knows where, and that meant time he didn’t spend with Makoto. Makoto just thought he would be able to handle it better, but each and every time Haru told him “I can’t, I already told Rin I would go with him somewhere” Makoto felt a wave of sadness rush through him all over again.

 

And it wasn’t like Haru ditched him all that often. In fact he rarely did so, but Makoto was so used to his company, and so hopelessly in love with Haru that he couldn’t help the way he felt. It was like the more time he spent with Haru, the harder it became. But no matter what he was determined to stay by Haru’s side, and he could tell Haru was determined to keep him by his side as well; it was a mutual non-verbal agreement. Still, the issue remained; he wished there was something he could do to cope with his heart-break better. This was why he was glad when Kou approached him just before leaving school after swim practice.

 

“Makoto-sempai?” She called him as he was exiting the locker room with Haru.

 

They were walking together out of habit, but Makoto already knew they would part ways as soon as they exited school. Makoto would go home, and Haru would go see Rin. Makoto was already sulking at the thought that he would have to go straight home to do homework, and try really hard not to think about what Rin and Haru might be up to.

 

“What’s up, Kou-chan?” Makoto asked her.

 

“I-I was wondering if you would like to go get an ice cream with me.” Kou was blushing a little bit, and didn’t make eye contact as she asked him.

 

“Right now?” Makoto asked, hoping that it was so he would have something to do to keep his mind busy.

 

“If that’s okay?” Kou finally looked at him with a tiny smile.

 

“Of course it is!” Makoto said with enthusiasm and Kou’s smile brightened.

 

“Where are you going?” Haru cut in.

 

“Well, I was thinking of going to the little stand that’s by the beach? I like the view nearby.” Kou told them.

 

Makoto nodded in agreement at her question. Anywhere would’ve been fine with him, really.

 

“Maybe Rin and I should come too.” Haru offered, and Makoto didn’t like the idea. He remembered all too well how awkward and miserable he felt the day they ran into Rin right outside the water park, and he wasn’t eager to re-live something like that again. Ever.

 

But Kou giggled. “I’m sorry, Haruka-sempai; but my brother hates that place! Sometimes I ask him to come with me just to see him get angry. His reaction’s pretty funny.”

 

“Ah” was Haru’s simple reply as he looked to the side.

 

“Maybe next time?” Kou nudged Haru with her shoulder.

 

Haru looked at her with a question in his eyes that Makoto interpreted as _Will there be a next time?_ But he didn’t voice it. Instead, he limited himself to agree with a curt nod.

 

They reached the school gates then and had to part ways with Haru.

 

“See you later, Haru. Be careful.” Makoto said his good-bye.

 

“Tell my brother I said hi!”

 

Haru nodded once more and was on his way. Makoto couldn’t help the feeling of loneliness that crept up to him seeing Haru’s retreating form; going to Rin, away from Makoto. Each and every time it was more than he could handle.

 

“Should we go as well?” Kou interrupted his thoughts, and Makoto was glad for it.

 

“Sure” he told her with a smile that she returned.

 

They didn’t limit themselves to go get ice cream. They also took a walk to the beach because Kou wanted to admire the view she liked so much. Then they went to some stores nearby where Kou wanted to check out some sparkling key-chains and other accessories. Overall, Makoto was having a good time. He had a lot less time to think about what Rin and Haru might’ve been up to when he had Kou-chan to talk to and follow around. But a lot less time didn’t mean no time at all.

 

Between pauses of conversation, he couldn’t help but wonder if Haru was having a much better time with Rin at that moment, and the possible implications made his heart tighten.

 

\--

 

Haruka was in a faulty mood. The thing between Makoto and Kou rubbed him the wrong way for some reason. Maybe he was jealous; maybe it annoyed him how a simple friendly invitation seemed so much natural for them, than a date request had been for Rin and him; maybe it was a combination of both. Whatever the case, he wished he could be there with Makoto and Kou instead of here knocking on his boyfriend’s dorm room door.

 

“Yo” Rin said as soon as he opened the door.

 

“What did you call me for?” Haru asked sharply.

 

“I’ve told you so many fucking times I don’t need a damn reason to want to see my boyfriend.” Rin was annoyed.

 

He was right. He had indeed told Haruka time after time that when he called him, it was because that was what boyfriends did. But Haruka wasn’t in the mood to humor him. Rin exhaled loudly and leaned in for a kiss. It was awkward and forced; like all their kisses had been.

 

They were failing horribly at this relationship thing. Every time they tried to do any “couple’s stuff”, like having a date, or kissing, or holding hands, it was simply forced. They couldn’t do it naturally; it felt rehearsed. None of them had any experience in that sort of thing, so they were both at a complete loss.

 

“Bah, this isn’t working.” Rin said as he pulled away.

 

Haruka looked to his side feeling awkward and inappropriate. Like he shouldn’t have left Rin kiss him.

 

“You try too hard, that’s the problem.” Haruka told him in a flat tone, and it was true. Rin was always annoying him with stuff like _I wanna know what it feels like to do this_ or _boyfriends are supposed to do that_ , and at first, Haruka was glad for the guidance, but when it was made clear that Rin had no idea what he was doing either it became tedious.

 

“How the fuck am I supposed to know what’s trying too hard?” Rin snapped.

 

It was a fair question. One Haruka didn’t know the answer to either. Rin had wanted to take control, and Haruka had let him. But maybe it was time that he contributed to the relationship in some way, rather than let himself be dragged by whatever Rin said they should do. Granted, he had no clue what to do either, but maybe if he at least let Rin know what he liked and what he didn’t like then they could have a little bit of progress.

 

What didn’t he like? Any of the “couple stuff” they had tried. Not when it felt like he was receiving directions from a script and it made his relationship with Rin so difficult. What did he like? What they had before. Just having Rin’s old self back and competing against him; pushing each other to be better. Even if it wouldn’t feel any different from being just friends it didn’t matter; clearly, the “adjustments” they did to their relationship weren’t working anyway.

 

Haruka let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t know. But let’s not put any pressure on each other like that.”

 

Rin looked at him puzzled. “What do you mean?”

 

“I mean it was easier when we were just friends. So let’s go back to that and go from there.” Haruka explained.

 

“But then that’s not any different than being just friends.” Rin was skeptical.

 

“So?” Haru defied with a small frown. Those things should come to them naturally, and if they didn’t then they could just stop this farce once and for all.

 

Rin considered it, and after a few seconds he replied. “I guess you’re right.” He rubbed the back of his neck and asked Haru “Wanna race?”

 

Haruka rolled his eyes but agreed with a “Sure.” Swimming with Rin was better than kissing him or holding his hand or watching a movie with him while attempting (and failing) to cuddle.

 

Part of him told him that’s not how things were supposed to be, but he knew very well why that was. So he couldn’t really expect much. He raced Rin and things felt more normal between them than they had since they began dating. He didn’t feel like he wanted to get away from there as soon as he could, so he guessed he could call that “progress”.

 

Still, there were some thoughts in the back of his head that he couldn’t seem to shake off. The thought of Makoto slipping away from him into someone else’s hands, which left him feeling like he was going to choke.

 

\--

 

It was getting a little late, so Makoto decided to escort Kou to her home before dinner time. He was really glad for what she had unconsciously done for him, so the least he could do was make sure she got home safely.

 

“Thank you for the invitation, Kou-chan. I had a good time.” Makoto sounded genuine enough. Even though he couldn’t quite stop thinking about Haru and Rin altogether, it wasn’t as bad as other times.

 

“It was no problem, Makoto-sempai. Thank you for coming with me.” She said while blushing a little. “Are you sure you don’t want to come in? My mother wouldn’t mind if you joined us for dinner.” Kou offered again.

 

“No, it’s okay. My family is waiting for me to have dinner with them.” Makoto declined politely. “But I hope we can do this again some other time.”

 

And he really did. Makoto thought maybe that was what he needed to do when Haru wasn’t available: to spend more time with his other friends too. Maybe next time they could invite Nagisa or Rei to come along, or maybe both. He would still miss Haru, he knew that, but he wouldn’t feel all that lonely. Kou seemed pretty happy about that idea.

 

“Well, of course!” She agreed, giving Makoto a smile he returned. Then she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. “See you tomorrow, Makoto-sempai.”

 

“See you, Kou-chan.” Makoto said his good bye.

 

\--

 

Haruka got home feeling defeated. There was uneasiness in his heart that made him restless, and he couldn’t figure out why. Like something was going to happen that he won’t see coming, and he had no way of stopping it. But trying to think about the unknown just gave him a headache, so he wanted to do nothing but take off his shoes, put his things away and get dinner started; he was starving. On his way to the kitchen, though, he was met with a pleasant surprise waiting for him at his table.

 

“Makoto?”

 

The guy in question raised his eyes from the notebooks in front of him and greeted Haruka. “Ah, Haru, welcome home!” Makoto said with a smile.

 

Haruka felt a little taken aback by his best friend’s greeting. It was something he had thought about sometimes, but he didn’t allow himself to harbor any hope: Makoto waiting for him at their home, every day for the rest of his life. He could feel his love for Makoto pouring out of him, so he avoided his gaze and looked to the side.

 

“Thanks… what are you doing here at this time, though?” Haruka asked Makoto.

 

“Ah, well, I haven’t had time to finish my homework yet, so I thought we could do it together.” Makoto answered him.

 

“Were you busy?”

 

“Kind of. I just got home in time for dinner.” Makoto explained.

 

Haruka’s stomach growled at the mention of dinner, so he started walking towards the kitchen. “Did it take you that long to just get an ice cream?”

 

Makoto chuckled a bit. “Not really, we just got side-tracked. Gou-chan wanted to check out some accessories and stuff so I went with her.” Makoto stood up from the table and followed Haruka. “Do you want me to help you?” He offered.

 

Haruka accepted. Dinner would be ready faster if he had Makoto to help him. Even though he was clumsy, his extra set of hands was of great help. While they waited for dinner to finish cooking properly, Haruka leaned on to Makoto.

 

It was like he needed comfort, and Makoto’s body was offering it to him. Haruka rested his forehead in between Makoto’s shoulder blades and inhaled softly, closing his eyes. Being that close to Makoto made Haruka feel safe.

 

“Haru? Are you okay?” Makoto asked him in a shaky voice.

 

“Yeah. I’m just a little tired.”

 

“O-okay.” Haruka felt Makoto relax in front of him.

 

At that precise moment he realized it felt natural; it felt right. He didn’t have to force himself to be drawn to Makoto, he just was. Haruka realized he had been fooling himself. He wasn’t making any progress with Rin at all, and it scared him to know why that was. Dating Rin was supposed to help him get over Makoto. But instead, he couldn’t bring himself to act a certain way with Rin, because he only wanted to be like that with Makoto. His plan wasn’t working. At all.

 

“Dinner’s ready, I think.” Makoto interrupted his thoughts.

 

“Ah.” Haruka said as he reluctantly separated himself from Makoto.

 

Makoto was close to him. Close enough for him to touch, to kiss, and to lean on. But still, Haruka couldn’t do any of that, and it was killing him. Even if Makoto was so close, Haruka had never felt any further away from him. The difference between this and what he had with Rin almost made him want to laugh without any humor. Haruka wanted Makoto yet he couldn’t have him, and he had Rin yet he didn’t want him.

 

Why did things have to be so complicated?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that wasn't as hard to write as I thought it would be. MakoHaru moment at the end, I couldn't help myself. I love these two too much :3 Next chapter should be up early next week, I hope.


	7. Smart and dangerous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei is too smart for his own good, and Makoto makes a desperate choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same as always, still un-beta'd. Starts with Haru's POV, continues with Makoto's and ends again with Haru's.

“I have plans. Sorry.” Haruka hated each and every time he had to tell Makoto that. One, because it meant he had to go meet up with Rin again, and two, because he really did in fact preferred to spend time with Makoto instead. Even if Rin and him had taken a step back and decided to go slowly, it didn’t help Haruka gain any enthusiasm at all.

 

Makoto nodded in understanding, and tried very hard to hide his disappointment. He did that a lot, and Haruka wasn’t fooled. By some miracle of the heavens Makoto Tachibana always enjoyed spending time with Haruka. But he figured Makoto just wanted to support his relationship with Rin even if it meant spending less time together, thing that Haruka was still uncomfortable with.

 

“Nagisa, Rei?” Makoto turned his attention to his other friends who were walking ahead of them to the swim club practice, absorbed in an argument over how falling asleep in public places was not beautiful.

 

“Yes, Mako-chan?” Nagisa replied.

 

“I was wondering… would you guys like to go with me to a movie today after school?”

 

“Yes!” Nagisa replied without thinking about it twice. “There’s a new horror movie I’ve been dying to go see!”

 

“Nagisa-kun! It’s a school night, and I very much prefer not to have to watch any movie of that genre.” Rei scolded Nagisa without any real annoyance.

 

“Y-yeah, Nagisa. I don’t want to watch a horror movie either. I am sure we can find something we can all enjoy.” Makoto said with a nervous smile.

 

“Eh!! You guys are no fun!” Nagisa pouted.

 

“So is that a yes?” Makoto asked him hopeful.

 

“You betcha!” Nagisa laughed, and Makoto laughed with him.

 

“But it’s still a school night.” Rei tried to reason.

 

“Don’t worry about it, Rei-chan! If you get sleepy you can sleep on my shoulder in the theater. I don’t mind!” Nagisa teased him.

 

“N-Nagisa kun! I told you that’s not beautiful!” Rei was exasperated.

 

“Now, now, Rei. We’ll go right after school so we can get back early. I promise we won’t be late.” Makoto said.

 

Rei seemed somehow relieved by that and agreed. “Alright, Makoto-sempai.”

 

Haruka was confused by Makoto’s plans. Didn’t he just ask him if he could come over after school so they could do their homework together since Makoto didn’t understand something about their Calculus class very well?

 

“Makoto, what about homework?” Haruka asked suspiciously. He always felt a little possessive of Makoto.

 

“A-ah, don’t worry, Haru. I will be back in time to finish it. Maybe when I get back you’ll already be home?”

 

“Yeah, maybe.” Haruka replied and looked away.

 

“What? Haru-chan’s not coming?” Nagisa seemed disappointed.

 

Haruka sighed. If Nagisa hadn’t been so absorbed trying to get a rise out of Rei, he would’ve heard when he told Makoto about his plans with Rin. “No, I’m going to see Rin.” Haruka reluctantly added.

 

“Awww!” Nagisa complained.

 

At that moment, Rei turned his attention completely to Haruka with a look of suspicion and worry. Haruka avoided his gaze, but he already knew what was coming. Rei was a smart and observant guy. Once they got to the lockers room, Haruka tried to change out of his uniform as quick as possible so he could avoid Rei, but as expected, Rei changed just as quickly and followed him out of the locker room and into the pool area, leaving Nagisa and Makoto behind.

 

“Haruka-sempai, may I have a word?”

 

“What is it?” Haruka turned to him with a sigh.

 

“Not right now. Nagisa-kun and Makoto-sempai will be here soon. After practice I’d like to speak to you in private.”

 

“I’m going to see Rin after practice.” Haruka said, hoping it’d be the last time he had to explain that.

 

“I won’t be long.” Rei promised.

 

Seeing there was no seeming way he could escape that, Haruka nodded in agreement. Though he secretly hoped Rei really wanted them to speak in private, and Nagisa wouldn’t allow the conversation.

 

Swim club practice was uneventful. Except for the fact that Kou approached Makoto once again asking him to accompany her to get shaved ice this time, but Makoto ended up inviting her to the movies with the rest of the group instead, and she happily accepted. Haruka was starting to wonder what Kou’s deal was, and he couldn’t help the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach at the possibilities.

 

Once practice was over, Haruka trailed behind in the locker room with his thoughts made a mess. Nagisa pulled Makoto outside to get better signal on his phone so they could check what movies were available at the theater, leaving him and Rei in the locker room by themselves.

 

Rei cleared his throat.

 

“What did you want to talk about?” Haruka asked him, though he had a really good guess.

 

“Haruka-sempai, that love advice you asked of me some time ago, wasn’t really for an assignment, am I correct?” Rei asked him with furrowed brows.

 

“Yes, it was.” Haruka lied.

 

“Haruka-sempai, please don’t think so little of me. Not long after we spoke you got into a relationship with Rin-san that nobody saw coming. Not even Makoto-sempai, I am sure of it. You don’t seem happy about your relationship either. In fact, you seem uncomfortable and—”

 

“What’s your point, Rei?” Haruka interrupted him. Rei was too observant for his own good.

 

“My point is you shouldn’t take my word for it! I was talking about a hypothetical case when I told you that! If you would’ve given me the whole information, I might’ve been of actual help!” Rei was agitated.

 

“Rei, this isn’t what you think.” Haruka tried to lie, but Rei wasn’t fooled for a second.

 

“I can’t be responsible for you being unhappy in a relationship you clearly don’t want, Haruka-sempai. That’s not a burden I can bear. Please, let me correct my mistake.”

 

“I told you, you’re wrong.” Haruka looked away.

 

“If you would just tell me—” Rei began but Haruka cut him off.

 

“Just drop it, Rei!” Haruka said. He didn’t feel like having this conversation, and it was futile since even though he followed Rei’s advice, he didn’t blame him for anything.

 

“Haruka-sempai…” Rei said with sadness.

 

Haruka let out a heavy sigh. “It’s not your fault, I can assure you that. But if you want to help me, just promise me something.” Haruka looked at Rei directly until he nodded with uncertainty. “Whatever it is you think you’ve figured out, please don’t tell any of it to Makoto.”

 

Rei was taken aback by the request, but then promised. “I promise I won’t tell Makoto-sempai anything. But you promise me something in exchange, please.”

 

“I’m listening.” Haruka simply said.

 

“You’ll re-consider what I’ve told you.” Rei pleaded; convinced he was right and wanting Haruka to let him help.

 

“Okay.” Haruka sighed, knowing there was no point in him denying anything anymore, but comforted that the issue would remain between him and Rei.

 

At that moment, Nagisa barged back into the locker room.

 

“Rei-chan! Hurry up, we’re leaving!”

 

“O-okay!” Rei replied, picking up his things, giving one last nod at Haruka and exiting behind Nagisa.

 

Haruka picked up his things as well, and true to his word, considered each and every one of Rei’s words; the possibility of telling everything to Rei and accept his help to amend Haruka’s own mistakes.

 

He considered them. But he knew deep inside he wouldn’t do a damn thing about it.

 

\--

 

Makoto was feeling good after the movie. Well, at least better than he would be had he stayed at home.  His friends at least looked like they were enjoying themselves, and that gave him enough enjoyment as well. Rei, though, seemed to be having an internal conflict of some sorts. He’d been immersed in his thoughts most of the time, and while he usually put a lot of thought into everything he did, Makoto couldn’t help but feel something was off; that he shouldn’t look like he was calculating at what angle he should bring a pop corn up to his mouth. And Makoto wasn’t the only one who noticed.

 

“Rei-chan! Stop spacing out!” Nagisa pouted.

 

Rei tensed and blushed. Makoto chuckled a little bit and tried to divert Nagisa’s attention from Rei so he wouldn’t feel uncomfortable.

 

“Say, Nagisa. Want to see who has better luck?” Makoto pointed at the plushie machine.

 

Of course, that caught Nagisa’s attention. “Ohhh! I’ll win, Mako-chan!” The blond one exclaimed while he skipped towards the toy machine.

 

Surprisingly, Makoto got better luck. He managed to get a pink little dolphin plushie on the first try. It reminded him too much of Haru; of the fact that he wasn’t there with them and was somewhere else with his boyfriend. Therefore, he looked at it with a sad smile before offering it to Kou, who happily accepted the gift and held it to her chest with a smile.

 

“Damn it! So close!” Nagisa complained after his third try.

 

But that was because he was determined to get a penguin plushie that was stuck between two bears, instead of trying to get another toy that was easier to catch.

 

“Nagisa-kun, if you would aim for another stuffed animal you would have better chances of getting it and you wouldn’t waste your money so unnecessarily.” Rei reprimanded him.

 

“But I want that penguin!” Nagisa pouted cutely at Rei, who was seemingly caught off guard by Nagisa’s reaction and had to look away from him, flushed.

 

Hence, Rei helped him get it. They had to take the two teddy bears as well, but that meant everyone went home with a new plushie. Though whatever was bothering Rei, didn’t seem to go away.

 

“Makoto-sempai” Rei called Makoto.

 

“What’s the matter, Rei?” Makoto replied.

 

Rei seemed to be debating whether he should say something or not. “Would you mind accompanying Gou-san to her home by yourself? I’d like to check something with Nagisa-kun on our way home.” He finally said, though Makoto had a feeling that wasn’t what he originally meant to say.

 

“Sure, no problem.” Makoto agreed. “You guys take care.”

 

Nagisa looked at Rei with concern, but didn’t say anything. “See you tomorrow Mako-chan, Gou-chan!” Nagisa said his good-byes.

 

“It’s Kou, guys.” Kou exhaled but waved back at them.

 

That left Makoto to walk Kou back home. It was earlier than he expected it to be, so he took his time. At this rate, he’d be home in time for dinner, although he didn’t know if Haru would. Haru; his thoughts yet again shifted to his best friend. It wasn’t right. Haru had a boyfriend, and said boyfriend was a good friend of both of them. But Makoto didn’t know what he could do to stop loving Haru. He knew he had to do something; he knew he had to move on, but the answer escaped him.

 

“Thank you for walking me here, Makoto-sempai.”

 

Makoto looked up to realize they had already gotten to Kou’s house and he felt a little guilty for spacing out.

 

“It’s no problem, Kou-chan. I hope you had fun with us tonight.” He said with a smile, trying to make up for his lack of attention.

 

She smiled at him warmly. “I did. Just like I did the day we went to get that ice cream.” She said, also blushing now.

 

Makoto laughed. “Well, it was more than just an ice cream, but I had fun too.”

 

“Guilty.” Kou replied and they both laughed.

 

“Well, see you tomorrow then, Kou-chan.” Makoto said but Kou stopped him.

 

“Makoto-sempai, wait! There’s something I want to tell you.” She said with an expression that Makoto couldn’t quite read. “If I don’t say it, I feel like I might explode.” She laughed.

 

Makoto smiled at her. “You can tell me anything.”

 

Kou’s expression brightened and she seemed determined. “Okay, here goes.” She took a deep breath. “The truth is… I like you, Makoto-sempai. I really like you a lot. I have for quite some time, but I never said anything because… well, that doesn’t matter now. But I wish you like me too. Will you be my boyfriend?”

 

Makoto stared at her wide-eyed and confused. Of all the things he could’ve thought Kou wanted to say to him, that certainly wasn’t one of them. She liked him? She wanted him to be her boyfriend? But why? How could that be? How could he have missed the signs? He knew the answer as soon as he formed the question: because of Haru. Because he was so hopelessly in love with his best friend that he failed to notice anyone else; Haru had all of his attention. Haru, Haru, Haru! It was always about Haru. Why couldn’t it be Kou? She was cute and funny, and he liked spending time with her. Why did he have to be thinking of Haru when Kou had just confessed to him? Why couldn’t he fall for her? But wait… who said he couldn’t? Kou was a nice girl. If Makoto accepted, he could probably fall for her eventually and forget about Haru. Right? But maybe they needed time? Maybe it was too soon? He was confused, and doubtful, and while he considered all of this, Kou’s expression saddened and she tried to apologize.

 

“I-I’m so sorry Makoto-sempai. I guess it was too sudden. I shouldn’t have put you on the spot like that. I’ll… I’ll…” She started to back away slowly.

 

Makoto had to stop her. If she left now, he wouldn’t get another chance. He didn’t know what to say, but he hoped deep down that if he accepted Kou he could return her feelings some time.

 

“Wait, Kou-chan! Yes.” Makoto said abruptly. “Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend.” That wasn’t what he wanted to say. He wanted to ask her for some time, but he was afraid she wouldn’t give it to him. He was afraid he’d hurt her feelings.

 

Kou looked at him wide-eyed and blushing, and Makoto knew he shouldn’t give her false hope, but he really thought it wasn’t false hope. Kou kept looking at him happy and expectant, and Makoto knew he should say something.

 

“Any guy would be lucky to be your boyfriend.” If she was expecting a confession, Makoto couldn’t give it to her, so that was the best he could manage. It seemed to do the trick.

 

Kou giggled and threw herself into Makoto’s arms, hugging him. He hugged her back trying to show as much enthusiasm as she had, but feeling like a fraud. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all…

 

Kou pulled away from the hug and looked at Makoto in the eye, then her eyes focused on his lips. She stepped on her tip-toes to get closer and Makoto gulped. Rejecting her was out of the question. He closed the remaining distance and pressed his lips to hers. It was a chaste kiss; innocent and pure. And Makoto couldn’t help but compare it to his kiss with Haru. How much he had felt when he met Haru’s lips for the first time; how much he didn’t feel kissing Kou. He was overcome by guilt so he tried to kiss her back with enthusiasm but he barely moved his lips. There was no spark, nothing.

 

Makoto kept thinking of Haru and the more he did, the more his guilt increased.

 

\--

 

“I thought we were over this.” Haruka complained with a sigh.

 

“For fuck’s sake, Haru. Can’t you at least humor me once in a while?” Rin snapped.

 

That was normal for them. To be arguing like a couple of idiots. But ever since they had decided to take things slowly, their arguments weren’t awkward; just normal. Until today, of course, when Rin got the brilliant idea that he should introduce Haruka as his boyfriend to his mother. That was something Haruka was sure Rin just wanted to do because he either wanted to know what it felt like, or he thought that’s what he should do. It made Haruka feel pressured because he felt like he had some expectations he should meet. Rin knew he hated that.

 

“We agreed!” Haruka retorted, not willing to humor Rin but walking after him towards his house all the same.

 

“Yeah, well I am sick of it. You’re my goddamned boyfriend and I want to feel as such.” Rin almost snarled.

 

Haruka didn’t know why he put up with this anymore. The relationship with Rin wasn’t going anywhere. They both knew it. They were just in it for their own selfish reasons, taking advantage of the other. The only thing he had achieved was to keep his real feelings a secret from Makoto. But getting over Makoto? No, not even close. Which meant whatever it was he had with Rin was failing.

 

“Why get your mother involved? There’s no need for that.” Haruka snapped.

 

“Why are you so against it? What the fuck are you scared of?” Rin challenged.

 

Haruka narrowed his eyes. “I’m not scared of anything.” He replied defensively. “But we’re not exactly a couple of love birds. Do you really want to let your mother know that _this_ is what we have?”

 

At that, Rin stopped; because he had to agree. There was no way his mother would be proud or even approve of a relationship where what they did the most was fight. “Tsk.” Was Rin’s simple reply and he continued walking towards his home.

 

“Rin!” Haruka called after him. Had Rin not heard what he just said?

 

“I got it, okay? I won’t fucking tell her anything! But we’re already here so let’s just say hi.”

 

Haruka relaxed a little bit, though he retained his annoyance. Rin had this special talent to put him in a faulty mood. But that was nothing compared to what he faced once they got to the front of Rin’s house. Rin stopped, and Haruka froze beside him.

 

There, on the doorsteps, was the love of Haruka’s life kissing another; kissing Kou. Haruka’s whole world shifted, and he swore he could hear the sound of his heart breaking into a million of tiny little pieces.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no! :/ It's becoming more difficult to write this, but wanting to solve this mess is my motivation to keep writing. I hope I can get another chapter out by the end of this week.


	8. Match-makers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei and Nagisa want to play match-makers, but Makoto and Haru don't make it easy for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un-beta'd, so please, excuse my grammar mistakes. Point them out, please, I will correct them right away. This chapter is written from Haru's, Rei's and Makoto's POV's. Hope it's easy to tell which one is whom.

“Hey! What the hell is this?!” yelled Rin, echoing Haruka’s thoughts.

 

Haruka himself though, had lost the ability to form words. He was still shocked and feeling miserable beyond imagination. There was a lump in his throat that refused to go down and his eyes stung. More than that there was that incredible pain in his chest leaving him with an empty feeling; chills running down his body.

 

“Haru!” Makoto exclaimed when he pulled away from the kiss with Kou.

 

“Brother! What are you doing here?” exclaimed Kou.

 

“This is my house! I can come here whenever I fucking want, don’t change the subject! What the hell did I just see?” Rin snarled.

 

Kou frowned, obviously offended by Rin’s tone. “You just saw Makoto-sempai and me kissing. He’s my boyfriend now.” She said defensively.

 

Haruka locked eyes with Makoto who was looking back at him with a guilty expression. Like he had done a terrible thing and Haruka was inclined to agree at that moment.

 

“What the hell? Since when?” Rin pressed.

 

Kou was definitely annoyed. “Since now. Stop making so much drama about it.” She rolled her eyes.

 

Rin seemed to be trying to regain his cool and trying to tone down his attitude. Haruka wasn’t sure why, and he didn’t have the will to figure Rin out; his chest still hurt. “I’m not making any drama!” Rin defended himself narrowing his eyes. “You’re my _sister_ , this is _my_ house, and I’ll be damned if I’d just let anyone get close to you like that without giving them a piece of my mind.”

 

Kou smiled. “It’s not _anyone_ , brother. It’s Makoto-sempai, and we’re together now.” She said, clinging to Makoto’s arm.

 

“I don’t give a damn.” Rin said, and Kou sighed.

 

Makoto finally averted his eyes from Haruka and addressed Rin. “I-I’m sorry, Rin. I didn’t mean to disrespect you or Kou-chan.” He apologized, looking defenseless; vulnerable.

 

“You don’t need to apologize, Makoto-sempai. My brother is just a drama queen, you should know!” Kou reassured him jokingly.

 

“No, he should.” Rin told Kou. “And don’t fucking call me a drama queen. I’m looking out for _you_.”

 

“Sorry. I know.” Kou smiled warmly at her brother.

 

Haruka was still glued to his spot; feeling so completely out of place.

 

Rin walked up to Makoto. “Makoto, if you dare hurt my sister or try anything shady, I will have your head.” He threatened him.

 

Makoto just looked at him with a serious expression, and nodded solemnly.

 

Kou giggled. “Brother, if there is someone who wouldn’t do that, it’s Makoto-sempai.” She turned to Makoto and said “He’s an angel” with a smile.

 

That was too much for Haruka. He wanted to leave, so he turned around and did just that.

 

“Yeah, yeah… hey! Haru!” Rin called after him but Haruka ignored him.

 

“Something wrong?” Haruka heard Kou ask.

 

“Tsk. Nothing, we were just arguing...” Haruka heard Rin answer before he was completely out of earshot.

 

Makoto… _his_ Makoto had gotten a girlfriend. He had thought about it before, but he hadn’t allowed himself to dwell on it. Haruka thought if that were to happen, it would be on a far distant future. He thought he would have time to adjust to the idea, but clearly he had been wrong.

 

And he certainly didn’t think it would hurt as much as it did.

 

\--

 

“Rei-chan, what’s wrong?” Nagisa asked worriedly as soon as they reached Rei’s place.

 

Rei had given much thought to the situation. He had promised Haruka that he wouldn’t say anything to Makoto, but his promise didn’t include anyone else. Even though it was true Haruka clearly didn’t want him to tell anyone, Rei didn’t promise that. And he couldn’t just leave things that way. No matter what Haruka had said Rei felt he was responsible. That’s what led him to seek Nagisa’s help. Despite the fact that Nagisa was really loud and spontaneous, he was trustworthy and reliable. Rei knew he could trust him, because he valued his friends more than anything and he didn’t mess around with things he shouldn’t mess around with. Even Nagisa had his limits, and Rei knew those limits.

 

“Nagisa-kun, I’ve caused a great amount of trouble to one of our friends.” Rei said with a sigh, feeling the huge burden on his shoulders.

 

Nagisa looked at him surprised and reached a hand out to Rei, touching his shoulder in comfort. “Come on, Rei-chan, I’m sure that’s not the case.”

 

But Rei looked at Nagisa with desperation so that he would understand how serious the situation was. That Rei indeed felt he had made a huge mistake that caused not only trouble but unhappiness to his sempai and friend that he admired and respected so much.

 

Nagisa tilted his head in confusion, probably thinking Rei incapable of hurting anyone. Then he smiled at Rei reassuringly. “What do you think you did wrong?”

 

Rei proceeded to explain everything to Nagisa. From the day Haruka had approached him with the excuse that he needed love advice for an assignment; to how only a few days afterwards they found out he was dating Rin; and how Haruka didn’t look happy at all with said relationship. He also explained to Nagisa the conversation he had with Haruka earlier that day, and his promise not to tell anything to Makoto.

 

“So you think Haru-chan became Rin-chan’s boyfriend because you told him to?” Nagisa asked.

 

“I _know_ he did, Nagisa-kun.” Rei replied, convinced he was right.

 

Once again, Nagisa put his hand on Rei’s shoulder and tried to comfort him. “Stop beating yourself over it, okay? We’ll figure something out.” Nagisa winked at him.

 

And Rei let himself feel comforted. He knew he could trust Nagisa, and was immediately glad he had decided to tell him everything. Whatever he couldn’t figure out by himself, they could figure out together.

 

Nagisa brought a hand to his chin and looked thoughtful; cutely so. “But if you’re right then that means Haru-chan likes someone else that isn’t Rin-chan.”

 

“Y-yeah.”

 

“We should find out who is it he likes first!” Nagisa said with a glint of mischief.

 

But Rei just thought of the chemistry he sensed, and he was sure everyone else did too, between Haruka and Makoto. How Haruka was drawn to him in a way he didn’t seem to be to anyone else, and he couldn’t imagine Haruka having feelings for anyone other than Makoto. “I think we won’t need to look too hard.” Rei said resolutely.

 

Nagisa looked at him with surprise at first, but then his expression softened in understanding. “You noticed too, right?” Nagisa said with a smile.

 

“Honestly, I would be surprised if anyone didn’t notice.” Rei replied, and then frowned. “It’s a pity that they have never done anything about it.”

 

“That’s because Mako-chan and Haru-chan are both dummies! We should make them kiss!” Nagisa replied cheerfully.

 

Rei allowed himself to smile a little at his friend’s enthusiasm. “If only it were as simple as playing match-maker. There’s Rin-san to think about now as well.” He frowned again.

 

Nagisa was taken aback as well. The prospect of any of his friends getting hurt saddened him. “What should we do, Rei-chan?” Nagisa pouted.

 

Seeing Nagisa’s reaction made Rei’s heart ache, and he felt responsible. He needed to figure out how to sort out this mess not only for his sempai’s sake, but for Nagisa’s as well. He analyzed the situation thoughtfully, and decided he needed to know more before he decided to do something.

 

“We should figure out first how does Rin-san really feel about Haruka-sempai.” He said more to himself than to Nagisa. “But how do we do that?”

 

“Leave it to me!” Nagisa said cheerfully, interrupting Rei’s thoughts.

 

“W-what are you planning to do, Nagisa-kun?” Rei asked worriedly.

 

“Don’t worry, Rei-chan. Just trust me, okay?”

 

And so Rei did. He didn’t know what Nagisa might do; maybe something obvious, maybe something stupid, but he trusted Nagisa. “Very well, Nagisa-kun. We have a plan.”

 

Nagisa was jubilant with their complicity. “Rei-chan!” He yelled, throwing his arms around Rei.

 

“Hey!” Rei protested, but he too was pleased that they at least knew where to start.

 

\--

 

The next morning for school, Haru was waiting for Makoto outside of his doorsteps to walk together. It wasn’t like it was the first time Haru did that, but it was rare. It usually meant Haru was looking forward to something, or was worried about something. But in any case, seeing his best friend put a smile in Makoto’s face.

 

“Good morning, Haru.” Makoto greeted him.

 

“Good morning.” Haru nodded his greetings and they began walking together.

 

As they were on their way Makoto was talking about how they all ended up with new stuffed animals after the movie, when Haru interrupted him.

 

“Makoto.” He said with a serious expression.

 

“Y-yeah?” Makoto suddenly felt nervous.

 

“What did you do about homework?” Haru asked, and Makoto immediately knew that wasn’t what he was going to say, but didn’t mention it.

 

“It took me quite the effort. I stayed up late trying to figure it out, but I managed.” Makoto explained.

 

“I thought you were coming over.” Haru looked at him suspiciously.

 

“Rin said Haru was upset, so I didn’t want to bother you.” Makoto said honestly, though leaving out the part that he didn’t want to talk about what Haru saw when he got to Rin’s house.

 

“You never bother me.” Haru answered, looking away.

 

Makoto simply smiled. Every time Haru said something like that to him, something that showed he actually wanted Makoto’s company, he felt loved. It was silly, and wrong, but Makoto couldn’t help the way the small things his best did friend made him feel.

 

Though he remembered he now had a girlfriend, and Haru had a boyfriend too, and he frowned at the sidewalk thinking just how messed up that was.

 

\--

 

“All I’m saying is next time we should watch a horror movie. And Haru-chan should come with us too!” Nagisa argued at lunch break.

 

Rei couldn’t understand his friend’s appeal towards horror movies. A film whose main purpose was to cause distress and frighten those who watch it could never be beautiful. Rei had embarrassed himself enough in front of his friends already. He understood, however, why Nagisa hadn’t said Rin should join them as well. It wasn’t necessary to remind Haruka about the boyfriend he had who he didn’t want in front of the guy he did want. Talking about his relationship with Rin made Haruka uncomfortable, and it seemed like Nagisa had noticed as well for him to decide to avoid anything that might bring it up. Rei smiled at Nagisa’s thoughtfulness.

 

Makoto sighed. “I’m not compromising to that, Nagisa.”

 

“I agree with Makoto-sempai. We had a good time last night without the need to watch such things, Nagisa-kun.” Rei added adjusting his glasses.

 

Nagisa pouted in defeat. He was outnumbered and Haruka didn’t side with him claiming it was too much effort. The discussion was getting him nowhere.

 

Just then, Gou entered the rooftop and greeted them. “Hello, everyone!” She said with a big smile in her face.

 

“Gou-chan! You’re with me, right? We should totally watch a horror movie next, right? Please, say yes!” Nagisa bugged her.

 

“I won’t agree to anything if you keep calling me Gou! It’s Kou!” She reprimanded him and Nagisa kept pouting.

 

From the corner of his eye, Rei noticed Haruka tensing and shifting uncomfortably and wondered why that was.

 

“Makoto-sempai, would you come with me for a second?” Gou asked Makoto in a flirtatious tone that threw Rei off.

 

Makoto looked at her confused for a moment, then he seemed to realize something and replied. “Y-yeah! Sure!” He stood up and walked away with her, while Gou clung to his arm.

 

“What was that about?” Nagisa asked just as confused as Rei felt.

 

“They’re dating now. Last night Kou told Rin Makoto and her are together.” Haruka answered them in a flat but bitter tone.

 

“Ehhhh?” Both Nagisa and Rei said in unison.

 

Haruka just shrugged, stood up and left the rooftop to god knows where. Rei looked at Nagisa hopelessly, and he could see the worry in Nagisa’s eyes.

 

“Rei-chan, what do we do now?”

 

Rei considered it for a moment. Did this change anything? No, not really. True, it would be ideal if Haruka and Makoto could finally sort things out and get together, but the pressing issue was that Haruka wouldn’t have to be unhappy in a relationship he didn’t want because of a bad advice Rei gave him.

 

“This doesn’t really change much. In any case, we still need to find out how Rin-san feels about Haruka-sempai.”

 

“But Gou-chan and Mako-chan…” Nagisa didn’t finish his sentence and Rei knew exactly why.

 

One of their friends would end up getting hurt, and that was something none of them were comfortable with. Rei couldn’t help but feel responsible. If only he hadn’t been so naive as to think a high school teacher would give such an illogical assignment; if only he hadn’t indirectly told Haruka he had to date someone else; if only he would’ve encouraged him to fight for the one he loved then maybe all of this could’ve been avoided. Now, there was a huge mess involving 4 of his friends and it was undeniable that someone would end up getting hurt.

 

“Rei-chan, stop that.” Nagisa reprimanded him.

 

“Nagisa-kun?” Rei asked in confusion.

 

“Let’s focus on what we can do, okay? Don’t blame yourself, _it’s not beautiful_.” Nagisa said, changing his voice in the last phrase to imitate Rei.

 

Rei didn’t bother to reprimand Nagisa for imitating him badly, and left himself be soothed by his friend’s words instead. He knew he could count on Nagisa.

 

\--

 

Makoto was sitting on the edge of the pool watching as Haru swam. The others had left already, but he stayed with his best friend. There was something bothering Haru; even if Rin hadn’t told him they had argued Makoto would’ve noticed something was up. But he couldn’t help but feel there was more to it; that Haru’s distress wasn’t solely because of whatever argument he had with Rin. Hence, Makoto watched him swim, left Haru get lost in the water where he looked so beautiful… so free.

 

Haru swam towards where Makoto was and stood in front of him, nose deep in water. Makoto smiled at him.

 

“Tired already?” Makoto asked.

 

Haru simply shook his head in reply, but raised his head from the water to say something. “Makoto.”

 

“Yes, Haru?” Makoto asked, prompting his friend to continue on; to tell him whatever it was that was bothering him.

 

Haru extended his hand towards Makoto, and he knew Haru didn’t want to get out of the pool completely. So Makoto, without moving from his sitting position, took Haru’s hand and helped him sit right next to him in the edge of the pool.

 

“You and Kou?” Haru asked.

 

_Anything but that!_ Makoto was expecting Haru to tell him something else; something that might give Makoto a hint to what was going on in Haru’s mind. He didn’t expect Haru to turn the table on him instead and ask about his new girlfriend.

 

“Y-yeah. It’s still kind of new to me so I’m not used to it yet.” Makoto replied scratching his cheek.

 

“I didn’t even know you liked her.” Haru said and Makoto noticed the accusing tone in his statement.

 

“There are things you don’t know about me, Haru.” Makoto said honestly, though what Haru didn’t know about him had nothing to do with his feelings for Kou. Because he didn’t like Kou like that yet, he accepted to be her boyfriend in hopes he could fall for her eventually.

 

Haru raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”

 

_Like the fact that I’m in love with you._ Makoto thought while he looked into Haru’s eyes. Their gazes locked briefly and Haruka’s eyes widened a fraction; like he had realized something and it scared Makoto how much he was telling Haru with his eyes. Quickly, he put his hand on Haru’s back and pushed him into the pool. Haru landed in the pool with a splash, and when he resurfaced he glared at Makoto.

 

“Like the fact that I was going to do that!” Makoto answered laughing.

 

In one quick movement, Haru grabbed Makoto by his ankles and pulled him into the pool. Makoto yelped when he got into the water. He had gotten mostly dry so the sudden contact with the water was a bit cold and unexpected.

 

He resurfaced and splashed some water at Haru. “Haru! That was my trick!” Makoto complained, but he was laughing.

 

Haru was smiling too, and for a moment they just looked at each other smiling; and it was comfortable. It was like Haru’s eyes were made for Makoto to look at and lose himself in them. And for the millionth time Makoto confirmed that his heart belonged completely to Haruka Nanase.

 

“There you are!” The moment was interrupted by Kou who was walking towards the pool with a towel in her hand. “I knew you couldn’t have left without saying good-bye.” She smiled, addressing Makoto.

 

“Of course.” Makoto returned her smile. Though in truth, he just stayed behind with Haru and hadn’t even thought about Kou. He still didn’t know how things would develop from then on.

 

He got out of the pool and helped Haru out as well. Kou offered him the towel and Makoto looked at it confused. She laughed.

 

“I brought it for you!”

 

“T-thanks, Kou-chan.” Makoto took the towel and realized since Kou was his girlfriend now she would be doing that sort of thing for him. He wondered what sort of thing he should do for her but couldn’t come up with anything.

 

Kou smiled at him again and then her expression changed as if she had just realized something. “Haruka-sempai!” She called after Haru who was walking towards the locker room already.

 

He stopped his walking and looked back at Kou, a question in his face.

 

“I think it’s already _next time_.” She winked at Haru.

 

Haru turned completely towards her and looked even more confused. “What?”

 

“When I asked Makoto-sempai to get an ice cream with me you asked if my brother and you could come with us. Remember?”

 

Makoto didn’t like the way this was going.

 

“You said Rin didn’t like that place and that next time we could come.”

 

“Yes! How about a double date with the four of us? Wouldn’t it be fun?” Kou beamed.

 

Makoto certainly didn’t think it would be fun at all. A date with Rin and Haru? Where he had to watch them kiss? Maybe hold hands? No, he couldn’t do it. But before he could come up with an excuse to decline, Haru was agreeing.

 

“…okay.” It was clear to Makoto Haru wasn’t looking forward to it at all. Why did he decide to agree was beyond him.

 

“Great! How about tomorrow, is that okay with you both?” She looked from Haru to Makoto.

 

His girlfriend was excited about it; his best friend was agreeing with it. What other options did Makoto have, honestly? None.

 

“Yeah, tomorrow’s fine.” Makoto said and tried to put on a smile on his face, though he knew Haru would realize it was phony.

 

He was already dreading the next day with all his might.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Rin didn't explode as much as I intended him to, but I thought he would trust Makoto enough to try to keep his cool. :3 
> 
> There's a side of Nagisa that I want to explore more. The Nagisa who noticed Makoto's fear and tried to make him smile; the Nagisa who genuinely apologized to Rei when he told Makoto and Haru he had gone to see Rin; the Nagisa who opened up to Haru about his fear of screwing up the relay. He's still the cheerful and bubbly Nagisa we all love and adore, but that caring and thoughtful side is something I want to write a little more about. Just giving you guys my take on it for how I wrote Nagisa this chapter, and for future chapters. I hope he doesn't seem too OOC for some people.
> 
> And the next chapter is one of the chapters I pictured since the very beginning. Hopefully I can get it out soon, I'm eager to write it.


	9. Double date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru just wishes he was in Kou's shoes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un-beta'd. I got excited and finished this earlier than I expected, so there are bound to be mistakes. I apologize beforehand, but let me know so I can fix them! This chapter changes from Makoto and Haru's POV's.

Makoto had just finished getting ready when his phone rang. He grabbed his phone and saw it was Kou calling him. He hoped and prayed she was calling to cancel the whole thing; that maybe Rin didn’t like the movies either and decided not to go. Though he already knew Rin did like to go to the movies but he just hoped for _something_. Anything!

 

“Hello?” Makoto answered a little out of breath.

 

“Makoto-sempai, I’m on my way.”

 

“On your way… where?” Makoto asked confused.

 

Kou giggled. “To your place, silly! We’re picking you up.”

 

“Kou-chan, I should be the one who—” Makoto started but Kou interrupted him.

 

“Nonsense. My brother’s coming with me and you live close to Haruka-sempai, so it’s fine.”

 

“Okay.” Makoto said, dreading what was to come.

 

“See you soon.” She blew at kiss at him and then hung up.

 

Makoto clenched his phone in his hands in defeat. He had spent way too much time forcing himself not to think about Rin and Haru in the sort of situations he was surely going to see them in that night. He wasn’t ready for that and, honestly, he doubted he ever would be. But he had to face it, and the thought terrified him.

 

Makoto got out of his bedroom then and decided to go to Haru’s to wait for Kou and Rin there. Maybe a few minutes alone with his best friend would help him somehow. He wanted to see Haru, preferably without Rin. He said good bye to his parents and the twins and headed for the door. But when he opened it, he found Kou on his doorstep about to ring the doorbell. She looked surprised for a moment and then smiled.

 

“Hello, Makoto-sempai.”

 

“Makoto, sweetie, do you have enough money?” His mother asked him, approaching them.

 

“Y-yeah. Don’t worry about it. Thanks, mom.”

 

“Well, hello there!” His mother greeted Kou.

 

“Hello!” Kou greeted back.

 

“M-mom, this is Kou-chan. She’s Rin’s sister. You remember Rin, right?” Makoto introduced Kou to his mother.

 

“Oh, Matsuoka-kun! Sure, I remember. Nice to meet you, Kou-san.” She said with a smile.

 

“Nice to meet you too.” Kou looked a little awkward.

 

“We’re leaving now, mom.” Makoto was suddenly in a hurry to leave.

 

“Okay. Be careful guys, and have fun!” Makoto’s mother said and they waved back at her.

 

Makoto closed the door behind him and started walking towards Haru’s house, letting out a sigh of relief.

 

“Do your parents know that I’m your girlfriend?” Kou asked as they walked away.

 

“No. I’m sorry, Kou-chan. I haven’t told them yet.” Makoto admitted.

 

“Oh? Why not?” Kou asked, confused.

 

Makoto just felt he needed to wait before he let his parents know about his relationship with Kou. He wanted to give it some time. “I just want them to get to know you first, so I don’t take them by surprise.” That was true enough.

 

Kou raised her eyebrows a bit and smiled. “I can respect that. It’s kind of sweet of you.”

 

Makoto was relieved. He worried he had offended Kou and that was the last thing he wanted. He just needed time to get used to the relationship they had before he broke the news to them. He was still having a hard time adjusting to it, and he thought when he finally told his parents he had a girlfriend he should sound enthusiastic, and not as someone who had a huge burden on his shoulders. They got to Haru’s house, but before Makoto could ring the doorbell, Kou stopped him.

 

“Hey!” She grabbed his arm and made him look at her.

 

“Yes?”

 

Kou pulled him towards her and stepped on her tiptoes to get closer, looking for a kiss. Right, they were a couple so they were supposed to kiss. Makoto kept forgetting about the things they should do and he kicked himself inwardly. He got closer to Kou and lowered himself a bit to meet her lips. The moment their lips met, the door opened revealing Haru and Rin who were on their way out.

 

“Tsk. This again?” Rin complained, rolling his eyes.

 

“I-I’m sorry.” Makoto stuttered his apologies.

 

Kou pouted. “I’m not. Just get used to it, brother!”

 

Makoto looked at Haru but he wasn’t looking at him. Haru was looking away, seemingly annoyed. Makoto then realized he couldn’t have a moment alone with Haru like he had intended to. He couldn’t have whatever comfort he was counting on before they had to go on this date, and suddenly the whole situation started to sink in.

 

This was not going to end well for him.

 

\--

 

To say Haruka was annoyed was the understatement of the century. He was mad; _furious_. He was overcome by a jealousy he couldn’t control the moment he opened the door of his house and saw Kou and Makoto kissing, but that jealousy only seemed to grow stronger and stronger by the minute. He had accepted to go on this stupid date because he thought if he said no, Makoto and Kou would go by themselves either way, but why did Kou have to be so clingy to Makoto? Why did they have to smile at each other like that? Why did Makoto have to focus all of his attention on Kou and not spare Haruka a glance ever since they arrived at the movies? Luckily, Haruka knew how to keep a poker face, but on the inside he was unrecognizable. He knew Makoto would realize something was wrong with him, _if he bothered to look at Haruka_!

 

He felt Rin take a hold of his hand and it did nothing for him. In fact, he wanted to pull away just like he did every time. But why did it have to be so difficult for him, when Makoto seemed to have it easy? He had no problem putting his hand on Kou’s back, or letting her cling to his arm, or holding her hand. It looked natural for them, and the realization made Haruka growl inwardly. Makoto was comfortable enough, but there he was as awkward as ever with his boyfriend.

 

“Want something?” Rin offered when they got in line to get some snacks.

 

“No” Haru replied simply and didn’t let go of Rin’s hand.

 

It was stupid, and childish, and forced, but if Makoto was doing so well with his new girlfriend and Haruka wasn’t with his not-so-new boyfriend, then he’d just let them know how badly things with Rin were going. And _fuck it_ , he was _jealous_. He wasn’t okay with the fact that it was affecting him so much, yet Makoto wasn’t even a bit bothered by Rin and him. Then again, why was he expecting Makoto to get jealous? It wasn’t like Makoto felt the same way about him.

 

Admitting it to himself still felt like a slap to the face, but still he hoped he could affect Makoto in some way. They had shared a first kiss, they were childhood best friends and they had a bond too special and too strong for words. That much would never change, he was sure of it, and he was still foolishly clinging to that as a last bit of hope. _Stupid_. If he wanted to accomplish something he had to stop that.

 

Why did he get so mad at Rin for trying to force things? Haruka was the one who had started it all with an invitation that was the embodiment of forced. And if he was honest with himself, there was absolutely no way in hell that he could fall out of love with Makoto just like that. So if he had to keep holding Rin’s hand, or acknowledge Rin when he offered him his seat, or even kiss him back, he would do it. At least for tonight he’d be a good boyfriend. Well, scratch that, he could never be a good boyfriend to Rin, but he would force himself to try. For his jealousy, to not let Makoto know how things with Rin really were and to try and remind himself that Makoto wasn’t his, he would just let things with Rin happen. At least for tonight.

 

“What’s this movie supposed to be about?” Rin asked Kou who was seated on his other side.

 

“Brother, this is a date. What could it be other than a romantic movie?” Kou rolled her eyes.

 

“You say that like you’ve been on so many dates before.” Rin reprimanded suspiciously.

 

“That’s just the kind of stuff you’re supposed to know!” Kou said smugly. “Right, Makoto-sempai?”

 

“Y-yeah.” Makoto replied with a smile. A fake smile, Haruka noted. Makoto didn’t know about that kind of stuff. He was sweet, gentle and caring by nature, but that by no means meant he had any experience in dating. And before he got together with Kou, Makoto hadn’t shown any interest in dating at all. Haruka knew that much.

 

What had changed? And why didn’t he notice it? The questions brought sadness to his heart that combined with his jealousy made him squeeze Rin’s hand a little harder than necessary.

 

“Hey! Be careful.” Rin complained.

 

Haruka just frowned and looked away, refusing to apologize. The room’s lights went off and the movie started, but it didn’t hold Haruka’s attention at all. He tried to catch Makoto’s eye instead. He wanted to know what his best friend was thinking; how was he feeling. The phony smile put him off and he wanted to figure out why. Had Makoto noticed how Haruka was feeling? Or was there something else bothering him? He wanted to reach out to Makoto, but he couldn’t at that moment.

 

Kou and Rin were in between the two of them, literally and figuratively, and Rin insisted in stealing a few kisses from Haruka every time he looked his way. It was frustrating. The more he held on to Rin’s hand and the more kisses he got, the more he wished it was Makoto.

 

When he had decided to force himself to try and be a good boyfriend, he didn’t expect it to leave such a bitter taste in his mouth. Haruka let out a frustrated sigh, regretting all this foolishness.

 

\--

 

Makoto couldn’t seem to focus on anything he wanted to focus on. Not on the movie, not on his girlfriend who was resting her head on his shoulder. All his attention went against his will to Haru and Rin kissing just a couple of seats away from him. He didn’t want to look but that didn’t mean he didn’t see anything. It was like even if he set his gaze on the screen, the whole room was a blur and the highlight of it was _them_ in Makoto’s peripheral vision. Soon it became too much. A lot more than he could handle and he stood up from his seat. He needed to get out of there even if just for a little while.

 

“Makoto-sempai?” Kou asked him in a soft voice as to not disturb the people nearby.

 

“I-I finished my drink, so I’m going to get another one.” Makoto replied in an equally soft voice.

 

“You can drink from mine, my cup is almost full.” She offered.

 

“Yeah, thanks… but I also want a snack. I won’t be long.” He promised and hurried out the door.

 

Once outside he headed straight to the restrooms, glad to find them empty. He got in front of a sink and felt tears spilling from his eyes without his permission. He knew tonight would be difficult, but boy was it _difficult_. Not only was the one he loved having displays of affection with someone else, as if that wasn’t enough to break someone, but he also felt like a fraud. He was supposed to be on a date with his girlfriend, yet all he could do was focus on her brother’s boyfriend. It was all a lot more complicated than he intended it to be and it just made the tears keep falling from his eyes. He loved Haru so much that it literally hurt.

 

There, in front of the mirror he wondered if he would ever be able to return Kou’s feelings. The answer seemed pretty obvious to him right then: No, he wouldn’t. He couldn’t imagine ever loving someone else the way he loved Haru. But Haru had a boyfriend, and that fact had never seemed more real and more painful than it had tonight. So maybe it was a good thing; maybe he could convince himself once and for all that Haru couldn’t return his feelings. But he couldn’t see it as a good thing; not when it hurt so much.

 

He splashed some water on his face in hopes of washing away the tears from his face. Makoto was glad nobody had walked in on him. He was sure if a guy saw him in that state he would think of him as pathetic; and he’d probably be right. Makoto slapped both hands on his face and took a few deep breaths to try and calm himself a little. He wasn’t ready to go back in there, but he was taking longer than necessary. He had to. He tried to put a smile on his face but it looked so pitiful that he gave up on that, and exited the restroom after letting out a heavy sigh.

 

Makoto went to buy a chocolate bar as to not return empty-handed, since that would only raise questions he didn’t want to answer.

 

“You took too long. I was about to come and get you!” Kou said with a pout when Makoto sat next to her. He had made it just in time, then.

 

“Sorry, there was a line.” He lied, offering her a piece of his chocolate bar.

 

She took it happily and offered him from her drink, and Makoto took a zip. He put his arm around her in an apologetic manner; to apologize for his behavior and his lies. Kou didn’t deserve that. Her resulting smile was comforting, and Makoto felt perhaps he was taking advantage of Kou, but he needed the comfort.

 

He’d take what he could get.

 

\--

 

It took everything Haruka had in him not to get off his seat and yank Makoto away from Kou. They were sharing snacks and drinks and looking very couple-like. Sharing was supposed to be _their_ thing; his and Makoto’s. Did they ever look like a couple to other people when they shared stuff? He was possessive of that, and again he squeezed Rin’s hand harder in anger and Rin complained loudly. He heard Kou shush him. Haruka wanted to be in Kou’s place, with Makoto’s arm around him. He wanted Makoto to be in Rin’s place, their hands linked together. He felt bitter. Thankfully the movie ended, and they all stood up to walk outside.

 

“Where should we go now?” Kou asked.

 

 _Home_ , Haruka thought. He wanted nothing more than to take Makoto away.

 

“We better go grab a bite. I’m starving.” Rin said, and Haruka frowned.

 

“That’s a good idea!” Kou smiled. “I guess you’re not so hopeless with dating after all, brother.” She teased him.

 

Haruka tuned out their conversation. Not in the mood for sibling squabbles, as amusing as they had been in previous times.

 

They went to a fast food restaurant, and since they didn’t serve any mackerel Haruka didn’t want to eat anything. Besides, his stomach was feeling restless. And dinner proved to be even worse than the movie had been.

 

At the table, he was sitting in front of Makoto and Kou, rather than next to them, so he just saw plain and clear what they did. Rin at his side didn’t even spare them a glance, too preoccupied with his food. That made Haruka regret not buying anything to eat, since it left him with nothing to do but look at the pair in front of him.

 

Kou was annoying. Since Makoto had insisted in paying for her food, but didn’t buy anything other than a drink for himself, she kept on forcing him to eat from her food. Makoto clearly wasn’t hungry, but since she kept insisting and kissing him on the cheek pleadingly, Makoto complied. Stupid Makoto just had to please everyone. Haruka was angry. He didn’t want to look at the stupid couple, sharing their stupid food and giving each other stupid smiles. He stood up abruptly from the table and stormed outside, ignoring Rin’s calls of his name.

 

Once outside, Haruka was glad for the fresh air but he longed for some water he could dive into. Sadly, there were no pools, or ponds, or anything even remotely close to a water source nearby, and he felt hopeless. He started pacing back and forth to try and clear his head. Everything that had happened tonight had just accumulated and he was about to snap. Kissing Rin had left a bitter taste in his mouth. Not because Rin was a bad kisser, but because the situation in which the kisses happened had been the worst yet. Deep down, Haruka felt he had allowed it out of spite; because Makoto and Kou looked happy, because he wanted to appear as happy as they had looked. He felt as stupid as he thought the stupid couple was.

 

Haruka wished he could have the warmth and sweetness of Makoto’s lips back on his; to calm down this restlessness, and to erase that bitter taste from his mouth. Frankly, he just wanted to kiss Makoto because he loved Makoto; plain and simple. He yearned for his best friend, but he was inside the restaurant with his girlfriend; the one who now had his kisses. Haruka couldn’t take it; it was too much to bear and he felt like he was going to cry.

 

Just then, Haruka felt someone walk up behind him.

 

“Haru? I’m sorry, they insisted I come get you.” Makoto’s voice came from behind him.

 

Haruka turned around and faced Makoto, not sure what his expression said but Makoto seemed to believe he knew what it said.

 

“I’ll… go tell them you’ll come back in a bit?” Makoto offered, looking worried. He started to walk away but Haruka stopped him.

 

“Makoto.”

 

“Yeah?” Was Makoto’s short reply before Haruka pulled Makoto towards himself and stole the kiss he so very much yearned for.

 

After a short moment of surprise and hesitation, he felt Makoto kiss him back. His lips moved in sync with Haruka’s, filling him with such joy that his worries all but vanished. Haruka wanted to see Makoto’s face, so he opened his eyes and looked at him through half-lidded eyes. Makoto’s eyes were closed, his cheeks flushed and the expression on his face was truly lovely. He looked so beautiful to Haruka, and he wished he could see Makoto like this more often. _Always_. He closed his eyes again and continued to kiss Makoto. Savoring his mouth, his tongue and everything Makoto was offering him. Haruka’s lips stopped before Makoto’s did and he let himself enjoy the feeling of Makoto kissing him. When Makoto’s lips finally stopped, Haruka pressed a last chaste kiss to Makoto’s lips and rested his forehead on Makoto’s chin.

 

Makoto put his hands in Haruka’s shoulders and pushed him away gently, looking down in shame. But Haruka couldn’t bring himself to feel offended by the act, nor did Makoto’s expression made him regret what they had done. It felt right, and the kiss had been amazing.

 

Haruka started walking back towards the restaurant. He murmured a “Thank you” to Makoto, and headed inside where his boyfriend and Makoto’s girlfriend were waiting.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sniff sniff* Babies had enough for one night, so you can't really blame them for that at the end! And I confess, I cried a little when I was writing that scene with Makoto in the bathroom. .-. So if I tortured you, at least know I tortured myself even more. Next chapter should be up by the end of this week, hopefully.


	10. Unanswered questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of their kiss. And also, Nagisa has some words of wisdom to share.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse my un-beta'd writing. I try. ;-; Written from Makoto, Rin and Haru's POV.

“Is there something wrong?” Kou asked Makoto as they walked towards the bus station.

 

“No, everything’s fine.” He smiled at her.

 

What else was he supposed to say? That he had just kissed his best friend? That he enjoyed it more than anything else they had done that evening? Makoto was a liar and a cheater, and he felt confused and miserable.

 

Why had Haru done that? He had been kissing Rin and Makoto thought he was happy with him. Well, Haru didn’t look exactly _happy_ , but he had to be comfortable enough with Rin to be holding hands with him and kissing him. So why had he kissed Makoto as well? It was just way too confusing. Was it on a whim like their first kiss had been? Did Haru not know what it implied now? They were both on a relationship with someone else; they couldn’t just go around kissing other people. Haru knew that much, Rei had mentioned it to them the day they all found out he was dating Rin. Haru knew it wasn’t right.

 

His actions raised a lot of questions in Makoto. Because when their lips met, he felt his love for his best friend wasn’t unrequited. It made his heart beat with a spark of hope that he shouldn’t allow himself to feel. Makoto loved Haru, but his feelings for him wouldn’t just harm their friendship now, they would also harm Kou, Rin and Haru himself. His love and the hope he felt were like a betrayal to all three of them and Makoto felt guilty beyond imagination. It was out of place, and he should let Haru know it wasn’t okay. He shouldn’t do that anymore. Maybe Haru did think it was harmless, but it wasn’t harmless for Makoto.

 

They arrived at the bus station and Makoto was planning to accompany Kou home, but Rin stopped him.

 

“No need for that, I’ll be with her.” He told Makoto.

 

Makoto looked at Kou wondering if she was okay with that. He felt he needed to make up to her for what he had done, even if she didn’t know what he did.

 

“Yeah, it’s okay.” She answered his unspoken question and smiled. “I had a great time tonight, Makoto-sempai. Thank you for everything.”

 

Makoto instantly felt dishonest. Kou was thanking him for their date, completely oblivious to the fact that Makoto had kissed someone else behind her back. And the worst part was that he didn’t feel sorry, because deep down he didn’t regret the kiss. He wanted to apologize to her, to come clean about everything but he couldn’t do that. “I’m glad you did.” Makoto said instead, forcing himself to smile.

 

“I hope we can do it again some time.” Kou said returning his smile, getting closer to him for a kiss without waiting for a reply, and Makoto leaned forward to meet her lips. He didn’t compromise, but he was unable to deny her anything at that point.

 

Kou held his face between both her hands and prolonged the kiss, keeping Makoto’s lips on hers. Rin cleared his throat and they pulled away. The fact that Makoto was glad for the interruption made him feel all the more guilty. Kou frowned at her brother, putting her hands on her hips and tapping her foot.

 

“I know you’re not telling me not to kiss my boyfriend after you’ve been kissing yours all the evening!” She reprimanded him.

 

“What? No, I wasn’t!” Rin tried to deny it with a small blush on his face.

 

“What was the movie about?” Kou challenged him.

 

“That doesn’t have to do with anything. The movie sucked!” Rin defended himself.

 

Denying it was futile. Both Kou and Makoto had seen them kissing in the movies, and Kou just rolled her eyes at him. Makoto’s shoulders dropped in defeat. Under different circumstances, the Matsuoka siblings quarreling would’ve been amusing, but he couldn’t bring himself to smile when the topic was Haru and Rin kissing.

 

“Tsk” Rin turned to Haru to get a kiss, and Makoto turned away from them and started walking towards his own bus. He had enough for one night; enough for a lifetime if he was being honest with himself.

 

“Hey! Makoto! Wait for Haru!” He heard Rin call after him and Makoto turned around with an apologetic smile since he was sure they weren’t kissing anymore.

 

“Sorry. I wasn’t leaving without him.” Makoto scratched his cheek nervously.

 

“Of course he wasn’t, brother. He probably just had enough of you two kissing!” Kou told Rin.

 

She said it teasing, obviously, but Makoto was put off by how true her words were. Haru walked up to him, and after waving good-bye to their lovers, they walked together towards their bus and sat next to each other. There were so many things Makoto wanted to say to Haru, but they all had to wait. He felt if he started talking right now, he wouldn’t be able to hold back his tears. He was a mess. So Makoto didn’t say anything.

 

_Not tonight._

 

\--

 

Of all the people Rin could’ve expected to be waiting for him at his dorm when he got back to it Sunday afternoon, Nagisa was nowhere on the list. But there he was, leaning on Rin’s dorm room door, poking at his phone with a pout. Rin wondered if that meant Ai wasn’t back from his house yet, or if he had just ignored Nagisa. He secretly wished it was the latter, just for the shits and giggles.

 

“What are you doing here, Nagisa?” Rin asked when he was in front of his blond friend.

 

“Rin-chan! You kept me waiting too long!” Nagisa complained.

 

“Like that’s my fault! You didn’t even tell me you were coming.” Rin replied defensively. He would’ve been there earlier to meet Nagisa if he had told him anything sooner, even though he wouldn’t admit it out loud.

 

Nagisa’s stomach growled. “Now I’m hungry since I missed lunch. You have to treat me something!” He pouted.

 

“It’s not my damn fault you skipped lunch either!” Rin said exasperated, opening the door to his dorm to put his bag with clean clothes away. The room was empty, so Ai wasn’t back yet. _Damn it_.

 

“Don’t be mean, Rin-Rin! I came all the way out here to see you and this is what I get?!”

 

“I didn’t say I wasn’t going to treat you, dumbass.” Rin rolled his eyes, gesturing with his head towards the door in signal for Nagisa to follow him.

 

Nagisa brightened, and threw his arms around Rin for a hug. “Rin-chan you’re the best!”

 

“Yeah, I know. Now let go.” He was embarrassed.

 

The school’s cafeteria was open, so they didn’t have to leave campus. Rin ordered them a pizza, and despite the fact that Nagisa asked to be treated, he gave Rin half of the total. They ate in silence, which was strange. It was true that Nagisa was chomping down the pizza like it was the last thing he would eat in his entire life, but it was Hazuki Nagisa. Having his mouth full wouldn’t make him fall into silence at all, Rin knew that much. Something was up.

 

“Hey, Nagisa. When are you gonna tell me what did you come here for?”

 

“That’s cold, Rin-chan. Can’t I just visit you because I want to?” Nagisa pouted.

 

Rin raised an eyebrow. “Are you telling me there’s nothing you came here to say?”

 

Nagisa gulped the mouthful he was eating and took a long zip of soda. “Well… I didn’t say that.”

 

Rin rolled his eyes. “Then shoot, moron.”

 

Nagisa raised his hand and shaped his fingers in form of a gun, pointed at Rin and said “Pow!” Then he winked at Rin.

 

Rin glared at him. “Fucker”

 

“I just wanted to see how Rin-chan’s doing.” Nagisa said with another wink. The smile Nagisa had on his face would’ve looked friendly on anyone else. On Nagisa, though, it looked serious. _Too serious_. That little shit was up to something.

 

“I’ve been doing alright. Why do you ask?” Rin asked suspiciously.

 

“That thing with Haru-chan… it worries me.” Nagisa responded.

 

“What thing?” Rin asked confused, both at what Nagisa said and at his expression. It really didn’t suit him.

 

“You two being gay for each other so suddenly!” Nagisa pouted. That was more like him. But wait… _what did he just say?!_

 

“Nagisa, what the fuck? Could you keep your damn voice low?!” Rin snarled.

 

“Why? Nobody here knows you have a boyfriend?” He asked with pretend innocence. Pretend, because there was nothing innocent about that little devil.

 

“My personal life is nobody’s business.”

 

“That’s true. But when you have someone special who makes you happy, you’d want to share it with the whole world, wouldn’t you?” Nagisa asked.

 

“Where are you getting at, Nagisa?”

 

“How do you really feel about Haru-chan?”

 

“Not this shit again!” Rin shook his head in frustration. “You sound like Gou. What’s wrong with you people?”

 

“We worry about you, brother!” Nagisa said imitating Gou’s voice and Rin almost choked.

 

They both laughed for a few moments. It was easy talking to Nagisa. Because he was one of those people that made you feel like even if life was shitty, something could be done about it. He had fun in everything he did, and he liked to see people have fun too. Nagisa reminded Rin of his old self; of the way he used to be when he was a kid. That was one of the reasons he had a soft spot for him, and that was another thing he would never admit out loud. Nagisa’s question, though, Rin didn’t have an answer for. How _did_ he feel about Haru? Rin sighed after a moment.

 

“Why does it matter?” Rin asked.

 

“What do you mean?” Nagisa frowned.

 

Rin sighed again. “What Haru and I have is complicated. But we’re both just figuring things out and I do kind of like what we have so far. Isn’t that enough?”

 

“Kind of?” Nagisa gave him a sad smile.

 

Rin’s eyes widened a bit in realization, then he looked to the side feeling a little ashamed. He had given Nagisa the answer to the question he asked. If he only kind of liked what he and Haru had, how would he expect it to be enough? _Kind of_ wasn’t enough. Rin frowned.

 

“Don’t take too long figuring it out, okay? I wouldn’t want either of you guys missing a chance to be with someone you might actually want to be with because you were fooling around.” Nagisa said, and Rin would be damned if that wasn’t the most profound thing he’d ever heard Nagisa say.

 

“Are you feeling okay?” Rin said with surprise and to try and evade Nagisa’s statement.

 

“I don’t know, Rin-chan. Am I sick? Feel me!” Nagisa rubbed his forehead on Rin’s shoulder, lightening the mood.

 

Rin rolled his eyes. How could someone go from being totally serious to acting like a fool in the span of a second? Nagisa had to be one of a kind.

 

And the little shit had given Rin something to think about.

 

\--

 

Haruka was feeling more content than he had felt in quite a while. Makoto came over and they went about their day the way they usually did. It was kind of an odd feeling, though. They had just kissed the night before, and none of them was talking about it. Haruka knew Makoto wanted to bring it up. In fact, there were a couple of times in which Makoto started to say something, but then stopped; probably finding it difficult to bring up something that might disturb Haruka’s good mood. And Haruka himself didn’t know if he was ready to bring it up either.

 

Makoto kissed him back. _Again_. Haruka had a hard time imagining Makoto could be indifferent towards him when he kissed Haruka back so eagerly. It raised a lot of questions for Haruka. He didn’t want to get the wrong idea, but how could it be the wrong idea? But if he was correct, then what about Kou? What could it mean for the two of them? Haruka didn’t have an answer to any of those questions, and he didn’t know if he was ready to have them. What he did have was an immense desire to kiss Makoto again.

 

It was strange. The more he thought about the kisses he’d given Makoto, the more kisses he wanted. He wanted to do different things to Makoto; all kinds of things. He wanted to suck on his tongue to know what it felt like. He wanted to nibble and suck on Makoto’s lips until he left them bruised; leave a mark on his lips that said Makoto was his. Haruka wanted to have Makoto moan into his mouth, and swallow his sounds eagerly. He wanted all of Makoto. Even the things he couldn’t think of, he wanted to discover them with him; to experiment together… and if he wanted to keep a clear head and not jump on his friend like he had the night before, he had to stop letting his thoughts roam to such dangerous territories. Haruka sighed looking at Makoto, and something deep inside told him Makoto wouldn’t be opposed to all the ideas in Haruka’s head. But he didn’t trust his instincts when it came to Makoto anymore, because he really was done for.

 

Haruka sighed softly again. He walked after Makoto on his way out after playing video games. It was getting a little late and Makoto wanted to be home for dinner. When they got to the door, Makoto turned around to face Haruka, and he knew what Makoto would bring up.

 

“Haru…”

 

Haruka just nodded for him to continue. Not sure if he was ready for what Makoto would say. Not even sure what Makoto would say.

 

“About last night… please don’t do that again.”

 

That was kind of unexpected. “What?” Haruka asked. While it was true that he started it, he didn’t like the way Makoto worded what he said. Like it was all Haruka’s doing, when they both knew damn well it wasn’t.

 

“You can’t… you can’t just kiss me like that!” Makoto frowned.

 

“Oh, so is there a right and wrong way to kiss you? What, I shouldn’t use tongue next time?” Haruka replied sarcastically.

 

Makoto flushed despite himself. “You know that’s not what I meant! You have a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend now. It’s different from the first time. It’s wrong!” He looked pained.

 

“Makoto…” Haruka paused, glaring at Makoto. “ _You_ kissed me _back_. Don’t act like this one’s all on me.”

 

Makoto’s eyes widened, then he looked down in shame and Haruka instantly regretted what he said. Not because it wasn’t true, but because Makoto looked sad. He wanted to kick himself.

 

“I… I know! I wasn’t trying to… to pin it all on you. I just…” Makoto trailed off, fumbling with his words and still looking at the floor.

 

The look on Makoto’s face made Haruka’s heart tighten in his chest. “…I’m sorry, I…”

 

“No, you’re right.” Makoto smiled at him sadly. “It’s my fault too.” He turned around and started to put his shoes on. “I’m not even close to being the man I hoped I’d become one day.” Makoto said softly. Too softly, which told Haruka that maybe he didn’t mean to be heard.

 

But Haruka had heard, and he disagreed wholeheartedly. He knew no other person in the world more caring, more pure and more kind-hearted than Makoto. He was being too hard on himself, but that was just the way he was. Haruka reached out for Makoto, pulling on his arm and turning him around so Haruka could fit into his arms and hugged him.

 

“You’re a great guy, Makoto. Anyone who feels like that at the thought of doing something harmful to others can’t be considered a bad person.” Haruka said into Makoto’s chest, feeling self-conscious but hoping his words would soothe his best friend.

 

After a few moments, he felt Makoto wrap his arms tightly around him and hug him back. Haruka wanted to stay like that forever.

 

“Thank you, Haru.”

 

“Hm.”

 

They pulled away. “And I’m sorry.” Makoto said.

 

“Yeah. Me too.” Haruka replied, and he felt the apologies weren’t for the kiss itself, but for the situation. At least that’s what it was in Haruka’s case. He could never be sorry that he kissed Makoto.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Makoto started walking out.

 

“Okay.”

 

And for all the questions Haruka had, he didn’t receive a single answer.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun writing Nagisa this chapter for some reason... He's very fun to write even when he's being serious. ^.^ I tried to keep him as in character as possible. Anyway, things should start falling into place soon, though it won't be easy. 
> 
> I hope I can get the next chapter out this weekend, since I will be busy next week. But if I can't, it should be up some time next week.


	11. Not Haruka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comparing yourself to someone else is never a good thing, but Kou simply can't help it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, point out any grammar mistakes! This chapter is written entirely from Kou's POV.
> 
> **NOTE** Having some "technical difficulties" at the moment. Trying to fix them.  
> ***NOTE 2*** Okay, fixed (Notes withing the notes jfc. I'm sorry! Clumsy person here. *hides*)

There was no way Kou wouldn’t notice _something_ was going on. The days passed and her relationship with Makoto didn’t progress. He was as sweet and gentle as ever, but she felt like their relationship was stuck in the first phase. It wasn’t that she wanted to go any further or anything, it was just a feeling that something was missing. That even though Makoto was being caring and attentive with her, his heart wasn’t completely in on it. That was the feeling that was nagging at her and she couldn’t seem to shake off. It was all the more difficult to disregard what her gut told her when Makoto and Haruka seemed to be hiding something.

 

She could say they were as married as ever, as if that wasn’t enough to spark some jealousy in her, but that wasn’t what did it. It was more like the way they avoided each other’s eyes sometimes; or the way they looked away from each other after holding gazes for too long. Something about the way they acted around each other from time to time rubbed Kou the wrong way. But Makoto denied anything being wrong every time Kou asked him.

 

She didn’t dare ask him directly. She didn’t want to assume anything or accuse him of something, so she just asked if something was wrong, or if something had happened. But time after time, Makoto said nothing was wrong; nothing had happened. Whatever it was what was going on between them, they were both purposely ignoring it. Hence, Kou decided she would ignore it as well, but overlooking what her instinct was telling her was no easy task.

 

“Have you always been able to do that?” Kou asked Makoto while they were on their way to his house. Kou visiting his house was all part of Makoto’s plan for his family to get to know her, though she hadn’t made any advance with making his siblings like her. Even they were more attached to Haruka.

 

“What do you mean?” Makoto asked genuinely confused.

 

“You and Haruka-sempai, have you both always been able to tell what the other’s thinking?”

 

Makoto smiled. “Not always. I guess it’s something we developed with time. When you know someone for as long as Haru and I have known each other, it’s easy enough to guess how they feel about certain things. Though even then, I don’t always get it right. He still manages to surprise me sometimes, and I hope I manage to surprise him too. I wouldn’t want to feel like an open book to him.” He laughed.

 

The way he said it made Kou feel jealous. She wished Makoto would talk about her like that and he would have that connection with her. But she was not Haruka. “There’s gotta be more to it. I’ve known my brother my whole life and I still don’t know what’s going on in that head of his most of the time.” She made a face.

 

Makoto smiled at her. “I don’t even think Rin himself knows what’s going on in that head of his most of the time.”

 

At that, she had to giggle. “You do have a point there.” Kou then sighed. There was no point in trying to understand what Makoto and Haruka had. Not for the time being at least.

 

They got to Makoto’s house, and his siblings were as uncooperative as ever. They greeted their brother excitedly, but as soon as they realized it was Kou the one who got home with him instead of _Haru-chan_ , they got upset. More and more it felt like she had to live under Haruka’s shadow and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling. Makoto soothed them with promises that they would see Haruka later, but Kou wished he didn’t have to do that.

 

They played with Ren and Ran for a while, until Makoto’s mother called him in to the kitchen to help her with something. So there she was, in the middle of the living room with her boyfriend’s siblings who didn’t seem to have a liking for her and they didn’t even know she was their brother’s girlfriend. It really was difficult to be on her shoes.

 

“That’s not how you do it!” Ran complained, taking the controller from Kou’s hands and passing with relative ease the jump quest Kou was having trouble with on the video game.

 

“Oh, wow! You’re great, Ran-chan.” Kou complimented her, honestly impressed.

 

Ran looked smug. “Of course I am! It’s easy.” She bragged.

 

“You can only do it because Haru-chan taught you how!” Ren complained.

 

“And you’re only mad because he didn’t teach you!” Ran retorted.

 

There they went again arguing over who Haruka liked better. It was obvious Haruka belonged here; he was loved and accepted and more than welcome. Was it so wrong that she wanted a place for her there too?

 

“Is there any other game you’d like to learn, Ren-chan? I could probably teach you if I’m good enough at it.” Kou offered with a smile.

 

“But you’re not Haru-chan!” Ren replied with a pout.

 

That stung. But a child had never spoken truer words. She wasn’t Haruka, the one their brother had such a strong connection with that words could not describe; the one who Makoto was truly drawn to even if he lived in denial about that fact. How was it possible that even Ren and Ran seemed to know that much, but Makoto didn’t? She tried to control her expression, and ignored the aching in her chest.

 

“Well, that’s true. But I don’t want to replace Haruka-sempai. Is there a chance that there might be a place in your heart for a new friend?” Kou told them in a soothing tone.

 

Ran looked up at her, expectant and with curious eyes. “You’re not replacing Haru-chan?”

 

“Of course not; he’s irreplaceable. I don’t want you to stop loving Haruka-sempai, but to consider that maybe you could love me as well.” She smiled at them, and deep down, she felt those words weren’t to be directed just at the twins, but at Makoto as well. And she hoped it was possible for there to be a place in their hearts for her too, since she knew she would never be able to measure up to Haruka.

 

“Would you help me brush the hair of all my dolls? Haru-chan and Onii-chan never do it well!” Ran started tugging at Kou’s arm, towards her bedroom.

 

“Sure. That was my favorite thing to do when I was about your age.” Kou smiled warmly at her and let herself be pulled.

 

“No fair! I don’t wanna play with dolls! Kou-chan, play outside with me! You just said you were gonna teach me other games!” Ren complained.

 

“I can do that.” Makoto interrupted before Kou could reply, carrying Ren and putting him in his back for a piggy-back ride to the garden. “Let the ladies have their time together.”

 

“That’s right!” Ran said in a triumphant tone meant to point out to Ren that she had won, but the boy in question was clinging happily to his brother’s back, too jubilant to notice her tone.

 

At that moment, Kou thought that maybe, just maybe, there could be a place for her in here after all. Makoto and her exchanged looks, and there was something in his eyes that told her he might’ve listened to her conversation with the twins. But she couldn’t be sure exactly what that look meant. She was not Haruka after all, and she would never be.

 

\--

 

It was Sunday afternoon and Kou was walking down the mall by herself. It wasn’t that it was all that strange for her to be shopping by herself. After all, Chigusa couldn’t always hang out with her; but it felt different somehow. She kind of expected to be spending more time on the weekends with Makoto. And maybe they would’ve been spending more time together if he had come clean to his parents about their relationship. Maybe they would ask her to come with them to whatever family trip they had planned. Kou was sure the invitation had been extended to Haruka instead, and she couldn’t help the feeling of discomfort that took over her. It was like she was in a constant competition with her sempai, she was giving it her all and he wasn’t even trying, but he was still beating her by a long shot. She vaguely wondered if that was similar to how her brother had felt when Haruka beat him back in middle school.

 

“Gou-kun!” A voice interrupted her thoughts, and she glared.

 

“I’ve told you not to call me that! It’s Kou, Captain!”

 

Seijuro pouted. “Captain?”

 

Okay, she _had_ to smile. His pout was just too cute. “I’ll quit calling you captain if you quit calling me Gou-kun.”

 

“Alright, alright.” He replied with a smile. “Shopping by yourself?” He looked around as if he was looking to see if there was someone else with her.

 

“Yes. I just needed some things for homework.” That was true, though she chose to go to the mall instead of a school supply just because.

 

“What about that boyfriend of yours? Isn’t he tagging along?” He tried to appear friendly, but Kou noticed the twinge of jealousy in his tone.

 

“No, he had things to do.” She smiled. Of course Kou wouldn’t be the only one who thought Makoto and her would hang out together more on the weekends. That only made her more upset that they weren’t.

 

“Eh? Are you sure that’s it? Didn’t his parents just not let him go out because they were afraid he would sneak off somewhere with such a cute girl?” He teased.

 

Kou suppressed a laugh. “No, that’s not it.”

 

“How can you be sure?” He pressed on, raising an eyebrow but keeping a smug smile.

 

“Because his parents don’t know I’m his girlfriend.” Kou told him

 

Seijuro got a blank expression on his face like he was the most confused person on Earth. It almost made Kou laugh. “What?” He asked.

 

“He hasn’t told them yet. He’s waiting for the right time.” She defended her boyfriend.

 

“Is that so?” He still looked confused.

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing.” He looked away, avoiding her gaze.

 

Kou glared at him. “That’s not very polite! You wanted to say something, so say it!”

 

He finally looked back at her. “Well, I was just thinking… if I was lucky enough to be your boyfriend, I would brag about it to the whole world.” He said, still serious. “But that’s just me, I guess.” He shrugged.

 

Kou felt her heart beat faster and heat rising to her cheeks. She allowed herself to smile. “That’s sweet of you. Thanks.”

 

“Anytime.” He said with a big grin. “I’ve got to go now. Take care of yourself… Kou.”

 

Kou brightened. “You too… Seijuro.”

 

They smiled at each other and then he turned around and walked away. It was strange the way Seijuro had made her feel. Of course she was flattered. But it also left her with a bittersweet feeling; because Makoto wasn’t bragging about her to the whole world. And she couldn’t help but wonder if he would brag about Haruka.

 

\--

 

Swim club practice was an uneventful ordeal. Sasabe had gotten the boys some adjustments on their training regimen and they were coping with it really well. Kou was just going through her notes wondering about the schedule of their joint practices with Samezuka, and the pros and cons of holding so many of them. While she was grateful for them and was happy to see her brother with his friends, the amount of information she got from all their members was something she couldn’t overlook; because they would be getting the same amount of information about the Iwatobi boys as well. She considered telling them to hold back a bit when they were at practice in Samezuka, though she instantly knew Haruka wouldn’t listen to her. Kou was absorbed in her notes and in thought when something caught her eye.

 

Haruka was getting out of the pool and Makoto was right behind him, waiting to get out of the pool as well. Nagisa was fooling around outside of the pool because he’d just beat his best time again and felt like bragging about it. In his fooling around he pushed Haruka back into the pool, though he didn’t land in the pool. He landed on top of Makoto and they both fell backwards into the pool. Nagisa started laughing so hard he even cried, while Rei reprimanded him and Sasabe face-palmed.

 

When Makoto and Haruka surfaced, Makoto was so red in the face he looked like he might explode, and started stuttering his apologies to Haruka even though it wasn’t even his fault. Haruka just looked away and told him it was nothing, and Kou couldn’t understand why in the world Makoto looked so flustered. It wasn’t until she noticed the tiny little blush in Haruka’s cheeks that it hit her.

 

The position Makoto and Haruka were in when they were pushed into each other backwards into the pool, would’ve made Haruka’s ass rub against Makoto’s crotch as they landed. Could it be that was the reason why they were so flustered? Anger boiled inside of her at the realization. Yes, that was definitely the reason for their reaction. How could they be acting that way? Did they have no shame at all? It angered her even more when she remembered Makoto’s reaction when something similar happened with her.

 

 When they went to the library together once, Kou was trying to grab a book that was much too high for her to reach. She ended up losing her balance and falling backwards, but Makoto reacted in time and was able to catch her. There was a moment in which Makoto’s arm clumsily touched her bosom, but the only one who seemed to take notice of that was Kou. He just helped her straight up and asked if she was okay; he might’ve as well been touching her back for the way he reacted. Kou thought it was because Makoto was not the guy who was interested in that sort of thing, and was much too respectful to be taking advantage of such a situation.

 

Yet there he was; embarrassed and obviously affected by the sudden intimate contact with his best friend. A reaction Kou was pretty sure he wouldn’t get for anyone who was not Haruka; she certainly hadn’t affected Makoto that way before. It wasn’t fair. She wanted to ignore this; to shrug it off as nothing like Makoto had been doing all along. But it was difficult to ignore when it was crystal clear just how much those two were attracted to each other. It wasn’t just suggestive looks and flirtatious comments anymore, as if that wasn’t enough to drive her insane. No, now there had to be sexual tension added to the mix. There was no way in hell she could compete with that.

 

Well… maybe there was a way. A way she could claim Makoto for herself. It was something she never thought she’d dare to do; a limit she didn’t think herself capable of crossing. But she was jealous enough, angry enough and possessive enough to cross it. Her pride wouldn’t let her go down without a fight; without giving it her all.

 

She would seduce Makoto.

 

\--

 

“Gou-chan, your mother’s not home?” Makoto asked her, looking around her house.

 

Kou didn’t bother correcting him about her name. Makoto did slip sometimes. “No, she’s working late today.” And that suited her just fine. In fact, that was the sole reason why she invited Makoto over that day; so she could carry out her plan.

 

They went up to her bedroom and Kou turned on the radio and lowered the volume. It was a whim to have music in the background.

 

“I don’t know how much I’ll be able to help you, Kou-chan. I’ve only ever helped my siblings with homework, and when I study over at Haru’s—” She cut him off with a kiss. The last thing she wanted to hear from Makoto’s mouth was Haruka’s name.

 

“Don’t worry about it.” She said in a low voice when she broke the kiss, and Makoto gave her a confused look. She pushed him backwards and gestured for him to sit on her bed, which he did, but he still looked like he didn’t have a clue about what Kou was planning.

 

Kou sat on his lap, put her hands on his shoulders and kissed him again. He made it hard for her to deepen the kiss; he always did. But that didn’t mean she wouldn’t try. Makoto was always so hesitant, so unsure. Kou didn’t want him to be like that. She pushed him backwards again so this time he was lying on her bed and she was lying on top of him.

 

Makoto broke the kiss. “Gou-chan, what are you—” She interrupted him again with another kiss.

 

He shouldn’t have to ask what she was doing; it should be obvious. Kou felt how Makoto froze beneath her as sudden realization downed on him. If he was hesitant before, he was downright holding back now. It was her turn to break the kiss, and she looked into Makoto’s eyes; finding worry and concern in them.

 

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Makoto wasn’t supposed to be looking at her like that; he was supposed to want her. He should’ve been looking at her the way he sometimes looked at Haruka. That thought got the best of her. Kou really couldn’t compete with that; she felt anger and frustration build up inside of her. It definitely wasn’t supposed to be like this. Her first time should be special. She should feel wanted and loved, not like she was doing it to try to out-do someone else. Makoto put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her away; slowly, but firmly. He was certainly uncomfortable with their position. He looked at her with serious concern and shook his head slowly.

 

“I can’t.” Makoto simply said.

 

As he said those words, Kou realized neither could she. She felt stupid and was glad that Makoto snapped her out of it. She sat up in her bed and Makoto sat up next to her. She was ashamed.

 

“You should go.” She told him. There was a moment of silence before Makoto replied.

 

“I’m sorry.” Makoto apologized, not making eye contact with her.

 

“No… don’t be.”

 

They looked at each other briefly, and then Makoto nodded slowly, stood up and left. Kou took a deep breath as soon as he was gone. She didn’t know what to think or make out of the situation. What she tried to do was an act of desperation, not an act of love. She did feel strongly about Makoto, but those feelings weren’t what pushed her to try to seduce him, and that was wrong.

 

She lied back into her bed and stared at the ceiling, completely unsure where her relationship with Makoto was going from then on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so here's the thing. This chapter is not complete, there are three (or 4?) more parts left. However, since I won't be able to finish them tonight, and from tomorrow on I will have a busy week, I decided it was long enough to split it into two chapters so I won't leave you guys hanging for too long. Hopefully the second part (or next chapter, I should say) will be up by the end of next week.
> 
> Anyway, I'm sorry if this build-up is not your cup of tea, but I feel it will be very important for this story's conclusion. I just can't go straight to the "and they lived happily ever after" without showing you guys how they got there and everyone's role in it. It's going to take a little longer, but I promise you I will do my absolute best so that it's worth it.
> 
> Ah! Long end notes, I'm sorry. >///> See you next water time!


	12. Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru wonders what Makoto's real feelings are. If only he knew...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...it was bound to happen. Now rated M, so discretion is advised. POV's go from Makoto's - > Haru's -> Makoto's -> Kou's in each cut respectively.

Makoto was on his way home, walking absent-mindedly. He was worried and afraid he might’ve hurt Kou’s feelings, but what she intended wasn’t something Makoto could give in to, because he didn’t want it; he didn’t want her. Things with Kou weren’t going exactly like he had thought they would be going. The more he tried, the less likely it seemed that he would fall for her. And why deny it? The more he tried to get over Haru, the more he fell for him. Haru was the one Makoto desired, and the only one who could awake those feelings in him.

 

Without even realizing it, Makoto walked straight to Haru’s house instead of his own, and when he noticed where he was he looked to the ground with a sad smile. It was like his body already knew what he wanted before even he would admit it to himself. Makoto’s mind had finally caught up with his body’s actions and he was overcome by a sudden urge to see Haru. He didn’t know if Haru would be home but he let himself in anyway, but his worries were vain since his best friend was easy to spot in the kitchen making dinner.

 

Just the sight of Haru brought a smile to his face. And the sight of his best friend’s naked back while he was wearing an apron over his swimsuit, even though he should’ve been used to it by now, made Makoto’s heart beat faster. He didn’t think Haru knew how sexy he was, or the fact that the apron gave just the right amount of cuteness to his sexiness, making him Makoto’s personal weakness. He gulped; he knew he was staring but he couldn’t help it.

 

“You’re unusually quiet.” Haru said without turning to Makoto.

 

Makoto smiled. “And here I thought I sneaked in like a ninja.”

 

Haru half-turned to Makoto. “You drag your feet when you walk. You could never be a ninja.” He gave Makoto a sassy look.

 

“Oh, shut up.” Makoto laughed.

 

“I thought you were at Kou’s place.”

 

“Ah… I was…” Makoto looked away, not daring to meet Haru’s eyes. He couldn’t tell him what almost happened with Kou. It didn’t feel right.

 

Haru looked at Makoto worriedly, but he seemed to understand and didn’t pry. He turned back to what he was doing in the stove. “Dinner?” He offered Makoto.

 

“Yes, please.”

 

Makoto helped Haru set the table for two, and while Haru’s company gave him a sense of security, the fact that he couldn’t correspond Kou because of his feelings for his best friend made him feel like a cheater. He just tried to push those thoughts to the back of his mind for his sanity’s sake.

 

\--

 

Of course Haruka noticed there was something bugging Makoto. But he also knew Makoto was trying to avoid talking about it, so Haruka gave him his space. Nevertheless, after having dinner, sharing snacks and playing some video games, Haruka decided he had given Makoto enough space. Makoto was the kind of person who would neglect himself, and Haruka wasn’t about to allow that. So while they were sitting outside feeding the cats, Haruka had to ask.

 

“Makoto.”

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Haruka raised an eyebrow. “I should be asking you that.”

 

Makoto looked at him in confusion, but Haruka wasn’t having it.

 

“What happened with Kou?”

 

“A-ah…” Makoto scratched the back of his neck and looked away from Haruka. “Things are just… strange.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Makoto seemed to be considering his words; debating whether to tell him or not. Then Makoto seemed to make up his mind and gave Haruka a smile; a fake smile that Haruka didn’t like at all and didn’t convince him in the least. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine.”

 

Haruka frowned. Of course Makoto would say that; of course he would care more about Haruka worrying about him than he cared about himself. _Of course_.

 

They stared at the cats for a while in silence, and there was a question in Haruka’s mind that he wanted to get out for his own selfish reasons.

 

“Do you love her?” He asked while holding his breath and still looking at the cats. But when Makoto didn’t reply right away he had to look at his face.

 

Makoto met his gaze, and in his eyes Haruka could clearly see the answer. No, Makoto didn’t love Kou. Haruka couldn’t deny that the answer relieved him, but since it seemed to torment Makoto he couldn’t feel happy about it. But that raised the question, if Makoto didn’t love Kou then why was he dating her?

 

Sure, Haruka wasn’t one to talk. He was dating Rin and he never saw him that way; he still didn’t. But Makoto wasn’t Haruka. He couldn’t imagine Makoto dating someone for the same reasons Haruka did it: to get over someone else. Makoto wasn’t selfish like that and he didn’t use people. Maybe he thought he liked Kou; maybe he thought even if he didn’t like her he could fall for her. Yes, something told Haruka that was exactly it. But why would Makoto rush into it wasn’t something Haruka could explain.

 

But Haruka didn’t care about that right now. He cared about the sadness in Makoto’s eyes. He wished there was something he could say to make him feel better, but Haruka was never good with words, and his limited knowledge about relationships didn’t help him either. Maybe he couldn’t say something, but he could do something. His first thought was to kiss Makoto, but he knew that would only add to the sense of guilt Makoto was having. So he did the only thing he thought he could do, he held his hand firmly.

 

Makoto’s hand had always given Haruka a sense of comfort. Its warmth and softness made him feel like he had someone to reach out for and lean on. He hoped Makoto would feel the same way. Haruka interlocked their fingers together, and wished Makoto would understand he was saying _I’m here for you_. Makoto stared at their linked hands and slowly his face softened until it formed a smile; a genuine smile.

 

“Thank you.” Makoto murmured.

 

Haruka looked at him meaning to say _Anytime_ , but he didn’t use words. Makoto would understand.

 

\--

 

His mind wouldn’t shut up, so Makoto forced it to. He commanded himself simple tasks just so his mind wouldn’t wander to dangerous territories. _Now put your books away, Makoto. It’s time to take a shower. Brush your teeth. Make your bed; fold the sheets this way_. So on and so forth, and it helped. By the time he got to bed he had avoided all of 40 minutes of thoughts about Haru. But when he told himself to close his eyes and sleep, he couldn’t follow that command. And all thoughts about Haru he had avoided rushed into his mind at once.

 

 _Sleep, Makoto_. Haru’s eyes. _Make yourself more comfortable_. Haru’s wet swimsuit tight around his ass. _Keep your eyes closed_. Haru’s body rubbing against his. _Take a deep breath and calm down_. Haru’s soft hand intertwined with his. _Sleep… just… go to sleep_. Haru’s kisses. That did it.

 

Once he thought about Haru’s kisses he was done for. Makoto knew it. The same thing kept happening each and every night. Just the memory of Haru’s mouth on his, his tongue cool on their first kiss because of the water he had been drinking, made Makoto go crazy. The way Haru’s tongue pushed into his mouth so eagerly; the way Makoto welcomed it with the same enthusiasm. The way their bodies pressed together ever so slightly, Haru’s breath coming out in soft pants when they parted. It was much too much more than Makoto could handle. He was aroused.

 

His right hand traveled down his body to cup his erection through his boxer shorts, palming it softly. Thoughts of Haru assaulted his mind as he touched himself, quickening his pace and growing harder by the minute. Haru’s mouth, so sweet and gentle, awakened Makoto’s wild side. He let out a harsh breath and reached for his bedside table to grab some lotion.

 

Makoto pulled his shirt up a bit and lowered his boxers so that his dick sprang free from its confinement. He poured some lotion into his right hand and began stroking himself slowly, thinking of Haru’s mouth. It had felt heavenly against Makoto’s own mouth, he could imagine how much more heavenly it would feel around his cock. Makoto could almost feel it; the coolness of Haru’s tongue against his tip. A soft “Haru” came out of his lips as he threw his head back and closed his eyes in pleasure.

 

Makoto imagined Haru giving him the blow job of the century; savoring him just as eagerly as he had savored Makoto’s lips. The ghost of Haru’s kisses on his mouth reflected on his member and it twitched under his touch. Makoto quickened the pace of his strokes, going mad, wanting nothing more than to have Haru suck him dry. He could imagine spilling himself into Haru’s mouth and Haru swallowing everything Makoto gave him, and that was enough to drive him over the edge. He stroked himself faster, and faster, until he came so hard he arched his back from the bed and a loud moan escaped his throat. Warm liquid coaxed his fingers as he collapsed back into the bed with closed eyes and parted lips, breathing heavily.

 

After a few seconds he just lied there panting, exhausted. His mouth had gone dry and he licked his lips, opened his eyes and murmured a quiet “Haru” into the darkness of his room. Makoto reached for the tissues box and cleaned himself up clumsily, too tired to do it properly.

 

Then he discarded all of his clothes and went to sleep naked. Allowing himself to enjoy the feeling of satisfaction that he knew would be gone by the morning.

 

\--

 

  _Makoto and Haruka. Haruka and Makoto_. Those were the thoughts that didn’t let Kou sleep that night. Even if Makoto had accepted to be her boyfriend, and even when he had been nothing but sweet towards her, she couldn’t find any reassurance in that. She wanted things to work between them, but she felt like an obstacle between her sempais. Which was, of course, ridiculous, she wasn’t an obstacle; she hadn’t forced herself on Makoto. It made her upset because _they_ were the ones who put both her and her brother in the middle. Her brother… maybe that was someone she could talk to about this.

 

She quickly sat on her bed and looked for her phone, dialing Rin’s number. He answered at the first ring, and his voice was cautious.

 

“Gou? Is everything okay?”

 

“Yeah. Brother, I just wanted to ask how everything is going.”

 

There was a small pause. “Huh?”

 

“I wanted to know how things are going between you and Haruka-sempai.”

 

There was a longer pause this time, and when Rin answered he was furious. “For the love of god, Gou. Did you really just wake me up at one in the fucking morning to talk about this shit?”

 

Kou rolled her eyes. “You weren’t asleep.”

 

“That’s not the damn point. I thought something bad happened!”

 

“Well, I’m sorry. But don’t try to elude the subject!”

 

Rin sighed heavily. “Why is it so important?”

 

Kou could thing of a reason or two, but none of them would sit well with her brother. She needed to know how to word what she was going to say carefully. “I care about you, and I wish you would trust me with your stuff.”

 

Rin sighed again. “Gou, I know you. What is really bothering you?”

 

“I just want to understand what you and Haruka-sempai have! How serious are you about each other? Where is your relationship going? Is Haruka-sempai in love with you? Are _you_ in love with him?” She almost yelled, feeling frustration creeping up on her.

 

“Why the hell are you getting so worked up over this?”

 

 _Because your boyfriend may or may not be stealing my boyfriend away from me_ , she thought. But of course, she couldn’t tell that to her brother. “Are you ever going to answer any of my questions? Or are you just going to keep eluding them with more questions?”

 

“Fine. I don’t fucking know, okay? I don’t know how Haru feels about me. I don’t know what I want from him, and I don’t know if what we have is going anywhere. I don’t know shit.”

 

“Yes, that’s _very_ helpful.” She snapped at him.

 

“Was it supposed to be?” Rin questioned her.

 

 _Yes!_ “Not exactly.” She sighed. “You’re frustrating, you know?”

 

“Right back at you.”

 

“It’s not important. I just want you to be happy, that’s all.” She meant it.

 

“You stressing out over useless shit doesn’t help my happiness.”

 

“Hey!” She complained, and then they laughed at how stupid their conversation was.

 

“Good night, brother. Sleep well.”

 

“You too.” And then he hung up.

 

Kou took a deep breath and threw her phone away. She really did want her relationship with Makoto to work out, and she wasn’t ready to give up on it just yet. Whatever answers she wanted, she wasn’t going to get them from anyone but Makoto or Haruka. But the problem was that it seemed like the only people who refused to believe Makoto and Haruka could be in love with each other, were Makoto and Haruka themselves.

 

…and her brother, because he was an idiot.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides under a rock for eternity in shame* I don't think I've EVER used so much dirty words at once in my life. I'm so embarrassed, but I felt like that scene had to be written. I'm not completely happy with it and I'll probably re-write it in the future, but for now that's what you guys get. I can only say I'm sorry. >///>
> 
> I apologize for the delay, but this week was busy and exhausting. Next week will be the same, but I'll try to update sooner since the next chapter shouldn't be as difficult to write as this one. Hopefully, it will be up by the middle/end of next week.


	13. Between dreams and reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto's nightmare forces him to make desperate decisions, and his decisions force an even worse nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un-beta'd. POV's are easy to catch, I think. Sorry for the delay!

 

 

Makoto woke up startled and sat on his bed quickly, his heart pounded fast. Glancing at the clock he realized he could still have one hour of sleep, but he knew it would be no use. He had a bad dream, and it haunted him.

 

In his dream Kou was crying for him. She kept reaching out for him and begging him not to leave her. In his dream, Makoto was indifferent even when she told him she would love him for the both of them; even when she told him she loved him that much. It haunted him because in that aspect, he was actually indifferent towards his girlfriend, which made his dream a reality.

 

He was betraying Kou; someone who had been nothing but caring towards him, and had offered him her love and company. He used her to not feel lonely when Haru went off with Rin. He had kissed Haru when he was on a date with _her_. He couldn’t go through with her desires, and yet he masturbated to the thought of Haru’s kisses. He was a cheater, he had been incredibly selfish and he felt like the worst piece of garbage.

 

He got up from the bed, put on his discarded boxers and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. Makoto was failing Kou, and he couldn’t have that. He didn’t want to hurt her or make her cry like he had in his dream. He wanted her to be happy. He was disappointed in himself, in the way he had been acting, and he was resolute to change that.

 

He was determined to fix his relationship with Kou, and he wanted to make sure he would get it right.

 

\--

 

On their way to the rooftop to meet their friends for lunch, Rei pulled Nagisa by his arm gently and stopped him from advancing. They stood there in the middle of the stairs and Nagisa looked at him with curiosity.

 

“Nagisa-kun, have you found out anything about what we discussed?”

 

“Yes! I talked to Rin-chan!”

 

“W-what did you talk about?” Rei was suddenly really worried.

 

“There, there, don’t worry, Rei-chan. I found out what we needed.”

 

Rei sighed in relief. “Well, then. What did Rin-san say? We need to know what our next step is.”

 

“That won’t be necessary. Rin-chan and Haru-chan will sort it out on their own.” Nagisa gave him a reassuring smile.

 

 “Are you sure about that, Nagisa-kun?”

 

“Rin-chan isn’t interested in Haru-chan like that. It’s only a matter of time.”

 

Rei looked at Nagisa and saw the sincerity in his eyes. Nagisa really believed his own words, and Rei couldn’t help but believe in them as well. He felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders, and couldn’t help but smile in relief. “I am so glad.” Rei said.

 

“See, Rei-chan? I told you I would take care of it!” Nagisa gave him a big smile.

 

Nagisa hadn’t really taken care of it, but the fact that he did clear things up with Rin and was able to give Rei reassurance that the mess he had caused could be fixed, just confirmed to Rei he had indeed made the right choice in trusting his small and energetic friend. Rei could feel nothing but gratitude. “Thank you, Nagisa-kun.”

 

Nagisa giggled, and threw his arms at Rei for a hug, who protested, of course; even though he didn’t really mind it. But then it seemed like they both came to the same realization at the same time, since they both froze in place.

 

“What about Makoto-sempai and Gou-san?” Rei asked with worry.

 

“Ehhh… I don’t know, Rei-chan. But don’t go feeling guilty about them too.” Nagisa pouted.

 

“But what if… it’s indirectly my fault? What if Makoto-sempai got with Gou-san because Haruka-sempai—”

 

“Stop that, Rei-chan!” Nagisa squeezed Rei harder.

 

“N-Nagisa-kun! You can let go of me now!” Rei adjusted his glasses.

 

But Nagisa didn’t let go; not for a few moments. And Rei was secretly glad for it. He couldn’t think of a way to help his friends, but having Nagisa there for him comforted him. So maybe that was all he could do, maybe he just needed to support his friends and be there for them whenever they needed it.

 

Hopefully, that would be enough and things would also sort themselves out. _Hopefully…_

 

\--

 

Apparently, Kou had something to do and couldn’t stay for swim practice. She went to the swim club to let the boys know about it before she left. Makoto felt his stomach twist, because he felt Kou didn’t really have anything to do, she was just avoiding him. He had hurt her after all, even though she told him not to be sorry for rejecting her. He needed to do something. He caught up to her on her way out before she could leave, and hugged her. She was surprised at first, but hugged him back eventually.

 

“Makoto-sempai?”

 

He pulled away, but held on to her hands. “I’m sorry.” He looked down.

 

Kou frowned. “I told you. You don’t need to be so—”

 

“I do, though.” He looked at her. “I want to make you happy. But let’s just take things slowly, okay?”

 

She looked away and tried to remove her hands from his but he wouldn’t let her. “I know. That was my mistake, not yours.”

 

Makoto could see that Kou was ashamed, and the face she was making was way too much like the one she had on his dream. He paled and the guilt took over him sending chills down his body. If there was something Tachibana Makoto couldn’t stand, was hurting people. He pulled her in for a hug again and he could feel the desperation clearly displayed on his face.

 

“Want to go on a date with me tomorrow?” He asked her, trying desperately to soothe her; to make her happy.

 

Kou pulled away abruptly from the hug and looked at him surprised. “Really?”

 

“Of course.” He said. “It’s a good chance to discuss our future, don’t you think?”

 

“W-what do you mean?” Kou was confused.

 

“I mean I’m going off to college soon. That’s a decision we should make together, right? And after that, I’ll tell my parents about us.” Makoto was determined; he thought it was the right thing to do.

 

“But I’m not going to college yet.” Kou was skeptical.

 

“I know. But next year, you can join me.”

 

Kou looked surprised, and she stared at Makoto’s face directly, studying him. “To discuss our future, huh? That sounds like a plan.” She said finally, but Makoto didn’t think she looked convinced.

 

“Meet me tomorrow at the park near your house. We’ll go somewhere nice together.” Makoto told her, though he really didn’t know where they were going. He just made it up as he went out of desperation.

 

Kou smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

 

They kissed briefly, and then she was gone. Makoto looked after her with a frown. He felt like he owed Kou, and it was his obligation to make their relationship right. He didn’t think about that selfish feeling that told him to run in the opposite direction into Haru’s arms. He didn’t think about his own feelings.

 

He didn’t matter anymore.

 

\--

 

Makoto was looking straight into those deep blue eyes that he loved so much. Haru looked somehow different. His face looked more mature and his hair was slightly longer. His body also looked thicker under his black suit. But it was his Haru, and he was as beautiful as ever. Makoto smiled widely, still confused about what was going on but happy to see Haru anyway.

 

Then he looked around and he realized they were in a decorated church, surrounded by their friends and family. He was in a wedding; _his_ wedding. He turned back to Haru, but Haru wasn’t the one he was going to get married to. Haru was the best man.

 

“Makoto do you have a minute?” Haru asked him.

 

Makoto couldn’t find his voice, but he agreed and followed Haru into the backyard, that was also decorated beautifully with flowers but they were alone.

 

“Makoto, I’m sorry, but I can’t do this. I’ve kept quiet for way too long and I can’t do it anymore.”

 

“You can tell me anything, Haru.”

 

Haru took a deep breath. “I love you. Not just as a friend, I love you as a man. I’ve stayed by your side all of these years because I love you, because I wanted to see you happy. And I still do; I still love you and I still want you to be happy.”

 

Makoto felt his heart beat faster than it ever had. Those three little words coming from Haru’s mouth were like music to his ears; his own personal favorite melody.

 

Haru continued. “But the thing is I can’t do it anymore. I can’t go through with this. I can’t be your best man when I want to be the one you’re marrying. I can’t find my own happiness when I see you in someone else’s arms.”

 

Makoto wanted to tell Haru that he didn’t want to be in anyone’s arms but his, but again, he couldn’t find his voice. He was screaming internally but nothing came out of his mouth.

 

“I’m leaving, Makoto. This is the last time we’ll see each other.”

 

No. Those words were ugly. They were his personal hell. _No!_ Makoto was desperate. He was screaming at Haru, but still nothing came out. He reached out for Haru but his grip on him was weak, and he couldn’t find his strength.

 

“Please, let me go.”

 

_No_! There was no way he was letting go. Even if he didn’t have strength, even if his arms would fall off, he absolutely wasn’t going to let Haru go. But suddenly, he felt Haru disappearing from his arms…

 

“Good-bye, Makoto. And congratulations on your marriage.” Haru said in a quiet whisper.

 

…and Makoto’s heart disappeared along with Haru.

 

Suddenly he was in the middle of the crowd; everyone was congratulating him on his marriage with Kou. They were throwing flowers at them and celebrating their union, but Makoto was still looking for Haru. He was looking through the crowd to see if he could see his best friend; the man he loved, but he was nowhere to be found. Makoto felt like he was screaming, calling out for Haru; crying for him. But nobody seemed to notice; nobody saw his desperation and nobody heard him.

 

Haru was gone and there was nothing Makoto could do about it.

 

_He’s gone._

 

“Haruka!” Suddenly, Makoto woke up screaming his best friend’s full name. He sat on his bed breathing heavily and with tears streaming down his face. Haru was gone? No… no he couldn’t be. He took a look around through blurry eyes to try and take a grasp on reality. He was in his bedroom in the middle of the night, and if he remembered correctly his parents had gone with the twins to spend the weekend with his grandmother. So he was alone… Makoto didn’t care what time it was, he didn’t care that it seemed to be raining buckets outside; he didn’t even care to put his shoes on. He needed to look for Haru.

 

Makoto ran outside under the heavy rain, and kept running all the way to Haru’s house. He didn’t stop running when he got there. “Haru! Haru!” He called out, running to the back door and letting himself in. He was soaked from head to toe and he was making a mess in Haru’s floor, but he didn’t care.

 

It seemed like Haru heard him because he met Makoto in the hallway, and as soon as Makoto saw him, he launched himself at Haru, hugged tightly him and started crying. He didn’t want to let go.

 

He wouldn’t let go.

 

\--

 

Haruka was lying on his bed staring out the window. It was raining. He liked rain. He usually slept really well on rainy nights because he loved the sound of the water against the roof. It was like sleeping underwater, and for Haruka there was nothing more calming than that. But that night, the rain didn’t help him. Sleep was evading him for some reason and no matter how much he twirled and turned he just couldn’t get comfortable enough to sleep. It was 2:03 am and he hadn’t managed to keep his eyes closed for more than a few seconds.

 

“Haru!” That was Makoto’s voice… outside under the rain. Haruka stood up abruptly from his bed confused, but before he could tell himself he was going crazy and there was no way Makoto would be outside at that hour under the heavy rain, he heard him again. “Haru!” Makoto was much closer this time, and the panic Haruka heard in his voice moved his body forward to meet his best friend. What could’ve possibly happened?

 

When Haruka got out to the hallway he was met with a very terrified and sopping wet Makoto. Not even a second passed and Makoto was throwing himself into Haruka’s waiting arms. They wrapped their arms around each other and Makoto started to cry. Haruka didn’t know what was going on, but he wanted to protect Makoto from whatever was tormenting him. Every sob that escaped his best friend’s mouth tore Haruka’s heart. That was wrong, Makoto shouldn’t cry. He had such a beautiful smile that Haruka swore he would protect at all costs. Whoever did that to Makoto, _whateve_ r did that to Makoto, Haruka would never forgive.

 

“It’s okay. You’re okay, you’re safe. I’m here with you.” Haruka soothed Makoto.

 

He rubbed Makoto’s back repeatedly in an attempt to stop him from shivering. Slowly, Makoto’s sobs quieted down and Haruka pulled away from the hug ever so slightly to take a look at Makoto’s face. In Makoto’s eyes, he could clearly see fear and longing. He didn’t like it. He took a hold of Makoto’s hand. “I’ll get you some dry clothes.”

 

“Please, don’t leave me.” Makoto gripped Haruka’s hand tightly and new tears threatened to spill from his eyes.

 

Haruka wasn’t sure if Makoto meant right then or never, but Haruka wouldn’t leave him either way. “I won’t.” He said, then adjusted his grip on Makoto’s hand and led them to his bedroom.

 

Makoto held on to Haruka’s hand with both of his and walked really close behind him; keeping body contact the whole time. That told Haruka just how scared he was. Haruka got a towel from his closet and started to dry Makoto’s face and hair clumsily with one hand, because Makoto still wouldn’t let go of his other hand. He didn’t mind. He removed Makoto’s soaking shirt and quickly took a hold of his hand again once the shirt was removed. He also removed Makoto’s shorts but left his boxers on even though they were damp as well. He wanted to kick himself, that was no time to be having selfish thoughts about his naked and wet best friend, but he had to let his underwear on to try and keep such thoughts away. He hung Makoto’s clothes and started drying his body carefully.

 

“I-I’m sorry.” Another soft sob escaped Makoto’s mouth.

 

“Don’t be.” Haruka said as he finished drying off Makoto and helping him put on a shirt and some sweatpants that Makoto had left in his house.

 

“But I got you wet too.” Makoto nodded at Haruka’s shirt, his voice breaking a little.

 

“It’s fine.” Haruka removed his shirt and put on a clean one, then hung his own shirt along with Makoto’s clothes.

 

Makoto’s breathing was uneven, and there were still tears spilling from his eyes. Haruka pulled him into the bed with him.

 

“Let’s get some sleep.” He wanted to know what had happened to Makoto, but he had a feeling that bringing it up would only make Makoto cry more. He wanted Makoto to calm down, they could talk later.

 

Makoto nodded slowly and left himself be pulled into bed with Haruka. Haruka lay on his back and Makoto rested his head on his chest, cuddling against him. Haruka nuzzled Makoto’s hair and wrapped his arms around him.

 

“Sleep.” He told Makoto, and Makoto closed his eyes, exhausted.

 

He watched Makoto’s breathing even out as he fell asleep, and he placed soft kisses in his hair, eyelids, nose and cheeks. He watched Makoto’s face relax in his sleep, and hoped he was giving his best friend the comfort he needed. The minutes passed by, and Haruka just watched Makoto, keeping an eye out for any signs of distress in his beautiful sleeping face. He didn’t find any; Makoto looked peaceful. Haruka closed his eyes, as sleep had finally begun to down on him.

 

“I love you…” Makoto murmured in his sleep.

 

Haruka didn’t know who Makoto was talking to in his sleep, but he pretended Makoto said it to him. “I love you too.” He replied.

 

And Haruka finally fell asleep.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am surprised that I managed to get this chapter out even with all the craziness going on in my life right now. But I owe it to you guys, and I owe it to myself as well because I want to finish this story so badly. I don't want to get into details that might sound to you like boring excuses, but rest assured even if I don't update as regularly as I am used to, I won't take longer than a week to update the next chapter.
> 
> Thank you to everyone for reading, commenting and leaving kudos. I really, really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart, and I never expected to get the feedback I've gotten when I started this little plot bunny that wouldn't leave me alone. Ah, sorry for getting a little emotional here. >.> See you next water time!


	14. Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So that's what Rin was thinking...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un-beta'd! POV's are from Haru and Makoto this chapter. It's easy to tell which one is which, I think.

 

 

Haruka woke up but remained still with his eyes closed. He felt he slept better than he had in… pretty much all his life. Pleasant dreams still lingered in his thoughts and he wanted to hold on to them; hold onto the memory of that warmth against his torso. Unconsciously, he brought his hands to his chest to cuddle with the cause of said warmth but found it regrettably empty. He opened his eyes abruptly and was met with a pair of green eyes staring at him, but they lacked their usual sparkle.

 

Makoto was resting his head in one of his hands and was looking back at Haruka worriedly; a certain sadness could be noticed in his eyes as well. The memory of the night before, of Makoto’s cries and desperation, came back to Haruka and he brought a hand up to his best friend’s face; rubbing his thumb slightly against his cheek soothingly.

 

“You okay?” Haruka asked.

 

Makoto just nodded slowly, and leaned into Haruka’s touch. He rubbed his cheek slowly against Haruka’s hand until his lips were against Haruka’s palm and he kissed it. Haruka blushed; the kiss on his palm sent a tingling sensation up his arm that spread all throughout his body. He withdrew his hand slowly as Makoto sat up on his bed and looked ahead absent-mindedly. Haruka sat up as well.

 

“Wanna talk about it?” Haruka wondered. He wanted to know what happened but he didn’t want to make Makoto uncomfortable.

 

Makoto hesitated. He looked at Haruka briefly and then averted his gaze while he replied. “I just had a bad dream.” He said in a quiet whisper.

 

“You can tell me anything.” Haruka insisted.

 

Makoto lifted his gaze and his eyes stared into Haruka’s seeking reassurance. Haruka nodded once.

 

Makoto looked away again and took a deep breath. “You left me. You were... gone, just like that.” He looked down at his empty hands. “No matter if I reached out for you, no matter how hard I screamed for you to come back, no matter how much I looked, you weren’t there.” He closed his hands into fists. “You were gone.” His voice cracked in the end and he closed his eyes tightly.

 

Even though he felt like Makoto wasn’t telling him everything, Haruka understood. His bond with Makoto was something that transcended everything. They relied on each other, supported each other, and understood each other in a way that most people wouldn’t understand. There couldn’t be a Haruka without a Makoto, and there couldn’t be a Makoto without a Haruka. They were irreplaceable for each other. It was no wonder he fell in love with Makoto. He couldn’t imagine how devastated he would be if he was to lose Makoto forever, and he comprehended exactly why Makoto had been so scared last night. He didn’t want Makoto to ever feel like that again; he would make sure he wouldn’t.

 

“I’m right here. I’m not leaving you; ever.” Haruka promised, taking Makoto’s hands and unclenching them.

 

Makoto looked at him with urgency. “What if I do something stupid? Something that might make you want to leave me? What if you... hate me?”

 

“I could never hate you.” Haruka replied without hesitating.

 

“But what if you do?” Makoto pressed.

 

Haruka understood what Makoto wanted from him. “I still won’t leave you.”

 

“Promise?” Makoto asked.

 

“I promise.” Haruka said looking into his eyes, and saw Makoto’s face soften with relief.

 

He could see a lot of emotions cross his best friend’s eyes and it took his breath away. It filled Haruka’s heart with joy to see the sparkle return to Makoto’s eyes and know it was because of him.

 

“Haru, I—” The doorbell rang; interrupting whatever it was Makoto was going to say.

 

They both turned their heads in the general direction of the front door, confused.

 

 “Expecting somebody?” Makoto asked, blinking a few times.

 

Haruka just shook his head. He really wasn’t.

 

“L-Let’s go check out who it is, then. It might be important.” Makoto gave him a nervous smile.

 

They got out of bed and walked to the front door together, Makoto behind Haruka. But when Haruka got to the bottom of the stairs he heard Makoto stop in the middle of them, so he turned around to look at him questioningly. The doorbell rang again.

 

“I think I better go brush my teeth.” Makoto laughed nervously.

 

Haruka nodded and turned around to go get the door. He didn’t care that he hadn’t brushed his teeth nor washed his face; Makoto had already seen him like that anyway. And he had a feeling Makoto didn’t care about his sleepy appearance either (he shouldn’t, Haruka found it adorable), he probably just thought it would be rude because he wasn’t in his own home. Even though he was enough at home that he had clothes in Haruka’s closet and had his own toothbrush in Haruka’s bathroom.

 

Haruka opened the door slowly and was met with an annoyed-looking Rin. Well, that was unexpected. Not the annoyed-looking part, since Rin was almost always annoyed at him, but the fact that Rin was there at his home Saturday morning. Haruka frowned slightly, confused.

 

“Rin? What are you doing here?”

 

Rin raised an eyebrow. “You forgot?”

 

Haruka blinked a few times, trying to remember if there was any reason why Rin might be at his doorstep at that moment, but couldn’t come up with anything. Rin rolled his eyes.

 

“We agreed to go for a swim today. Go get changed, I’ll wait.” Rin said plainly.

 

They had? Haruka completely forgot. How easy it was to forget about everything when he held Makoto the way he had held him. How easy it was to forget about the world and everyone in it and just let himself get lost in his own little world with Makoto. Then Haruka realized it was foolish of him to think he could ever stop feeling that way about Makoto, let alone feel that way about anyone else. He couldn’t, and he just had to learn to live with it. Getting together with Rin was a huge mistake and he had to fix that. Rin was his friend so he had to set things straight with him. He didn’t know how, and he knew it wouldn’t be easy, but he had to stop this foolishness.

 

“Stop spacing out like that, it’s creeping me out. And I’m not Makoto to know what the hell you’re thinking so hard about.” Rin snapped annoyed.

 

Haruka was about to cancel on him, but he thought the sooner he got to talk to Rin, the better. But he didn’t want Rin to be there on his house with Makoto. He didn’t want to reveal that they had spent the night together, even though sleepovers were very common for them. Last night had been special for Haruka and he’d like to keep it just between Makoto and him.

 

“Go on ahead, I’ll meet you there.”

 

“Tsk, fine. But don’t keep me waiting long.” Rin left without another word.

 

Haruka closed the door and let out a sigh. Makoto had Kou, and he had Rin to think about now. No matter how easy it was to feel like his love was requited in moments like the one they had last night, those were the facts. He had to face reality and stop running away from it, but he had no idea how everything was going to go down, and he didn’t know how he was going to handle his feelings for Makoto now.

 

He could only hope he hadn’t ruined his friendship with Rin, and take comfort in the fact that Makoto wanted him by his side forever.

 

\--

 

Makoto stopped midway down the stairs. Going to greet someone at the door with a sleepy face and morning breath seemed rude, even more so if it was at Haru’s place. Not to mention, after the dreams he had last night in Haru’s arms and his almost-confession, it would feel like a very couple-like thing to do. “I think I better go brush my teeth” Makoto told Haru and the latter complied.

 

Makoto inhaled deeply, all of his thoughts were a mess. He was about to turn around and walk back up the stairs when he heard Haru say “Rin? What are you doing here?” and Makoto’s legs suddenly felt too weak to hold his body, so he slowly fell and sat on the stairs. He felt defeated.

 

Yes, Haru had promised he wouldn’t leave Makoto’s side and that gave him the courage to almost confess, but thankfully he had been stopped because that would’ve been a huge mistake. It wouldn’t be like on his dream last night where he listened to Haru’s heartbeat while Haru kissed all over his face and told him he loved him too. Reality was completely different from his dream. Haru would remain by his side but only as his best friend. He was with Rin, and Makoto was a fool. He tuned-out Haru and Rin’s conversation, then stood up and went upstairs to brush his teeth.

 

At least this wasn’t as bad as his nightmare.

 

\--

 

“You’re distracted, Haru. I’m kicking your ass!” Rin said smugly as they finished their 3rd race in a row.

 

“And you need to check your eyesight. I clearly reached the end before you did.” Haruka replied just to say something, because he was indeed distracted. And even though there was nobody to time them, he was inclined to believe when Rin said he had won, but there was no way he’d admit that out loud.

 

“Are you kidding me?! It’s the third time in a row I beat you. Stop pissing me off!”

 

“Are you saying you’re afraid of another race?”

 

“Like hell I am! I never get tired of kicking your ass!” Rin put his goggles back on and Haruka did the same.

 

They raced again, and Rin won… again. Haruka made Rin race him over and over again. He preferred being in the water and keep swimming with Rin. Stopping would mean he had to talk to Rin about what he had decided, and he just didn’t know how to bring it up. And after he broke up with Rin, only god knew when they would swim together again if he screwed it up. But that was something he had started, and he had to deal with its consequences.

 

Eventually, they had to stop; they weren’t fish; not even Haruka was, though close enough. Rin brought them some refreshments and they drank after drying themselves off. They had sneaked into the Iwatobi high school swim club pool so they had privacy, but Haruka still couldn’t find the right words. It was frustrating.

 

“Haru, we need to talk.” Rin interrupted the silence.

 

Yes, they did, but Haruka still asked “What about?”

 

Rin frowned. “Not even you are so dense. This isn’t working.”

 

Haruka knew what he was talking about, but he wanted to make sure they were on the same page. He needed to choose his words carefully. “By _this_ you mean… our relationship?”

 

Rin scoffed. “If you could even call it that.”

 

He was right. What they had was a joke; a lame attempt at a relationship that never progressed or moved forward. They argued too much, they competed too much. As friendly rivals, they worked perfectly since that’s what they did. As a couple? Their rivalry got in the way. Each of them pulled into a different direction and both of them hated to give in to or be persuaded by the other. They could never see eye to eye in that aspect and it was obvious they didn’t have romantic feelings for each other. Haruka could never give Rin what he needed, and Rin could never be what Haruka needed. They didn’t balance each other out.

 

Haruka looked to the side. “We’re better off as friends, I know.”

 

“If you know, why the hell did you even ask me to go out with you in the first place?” Rin accused him.

 

Haruka glared at him. “I know that _now_. And I don’t remember putting a bullet to your head so you’d accept.”

 

“Tsk.” Rin couldn’t say anything about that. “At least I know why I did what I did. What the hell did you have to gain from saying you liked me all of a sudden?” Rin questioned.

 

“What did you?” Haruka evaded the question.

 

Rin tensed. He wasn’t expecting the question to be thrown right back at him. “Oh for fuck’s sake, Haru! That shit is annoying.”

 

“I can’t tell you that, Rin.”

 

“And why the hell not?”

 

“Because I was wrong in doing what I did.” That was all Haruka could say in his defense. He couldn’t tell Rin the truth. He couldn’t tell him he had asked him to be his boyfriend trying to hide his actual feelings from Makoto, and to try and get over him. Makoto was Kou’s boyfriend, and Rin would have a thing or two to say about that.

 

“You were.” Rin agreed.

 

“But why did you accept?”

 

“Why do I have to tell you when your own answers are as vague as ever?” Rin retorted.

 

“You don’t.”

 

Rin glared at him and Haruka could tell he was debating whether to tell him or not. In truth, it was not really all that important, but he needed to know where things with Rin stood from then on. Maybe Rin’s motives would be relevant, maybe they wouldn’t be. But Haruka wouldn’t be sure if Rin didn’t tell him. Finally, Rin took a deep breath and seemed to make up his mind and Haruka left him speak without interrupting.

 

“I had been confused for a while. There were some things that made me question whether I actually liked girls or not. I couldn’t be sure and it was frustrating. And then one day you just come up to me and say you like me like that.” Rin scoffed. “It annoyed me how casually you said it. You made it seem like it was so damn easy for you to figure out you were… ugh!” Rin frowned. “I just wanted to be good at it too, okay? I didn’t want to be out-done by you of all people. And I thought I could figure out in the way what was it I really wanted.”

 

Haruka wanted to leave out a sigh of relief, but didn’t. He had been afraid of how Rin might’ve felt about him, but he was glad things had pretty much stayed the same between them. None of them got into the relationship at heart, so they could put all this past them.

 

“I’m sorry.” Haruka said, and he really was. He shouldn’t have started the whole thing and he felt responsible. He regretted it immensely.

 

“Well, it’s not like you put a bullet to my head.” Rin retorted and they chuckled.

 

“What made you change your mind in the end?” Haruka asked.

 

“You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you.” Rin grinned as they walked back to the locker rooms to change.

 

Haruka raised an eyebrow.

 

“Nagisa.”

 

“Nagisa?” Haruka questioned.

 

“Heh, yeah. He came up to me the other day and said some deep shit that got me thinking.” Rin frowned at Haruka’s expectant face. “I’m not going to repeat it.”

 

“Saying something deep is not your thing anyway.”

 

“Shut up! I can do it if I want to! I just don’t want to.”

 

“Yeah, yeah.”

 

They changed in silence, and Haruka was feeling lightened. Things with Rin probably would be a little off for a while, but it seemed like they could get back to the way things were before eventually. Or at least he hoped so. Unless Rin found out Haruka was in love with his sister’s boyfriend… but that was something he was determined to keep a secret.

 

Haruka sighed. It never got easier to think about Makoto being with someone else. It never got any less painful. If it was anyone but Kou, Haruka would probably try and steal Makoto from her. Maybe…

 

Haruka and Rin got out of the school and fist-bumped each other. They parted ways; finally free.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So finally one major problem got solved!! See? I'm not THAT evil. (Hehe) Writing out Rin's reasoning was fun, and I hope it makes sense to you guys as much as it made sense for me.
> 
> I hope I can get the next chapter by the weekend if things go smoothly. See you next water time!


	15. Enough is enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There comes a time when people reach their breaking point and just have to let it all out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the delay. Chapter is un-beta'd, so let me know about any mistakes you spot, please. This chapter we'll get to see Haru, Makoto and Kou's POV's.

 

 

It was barely afternoon when Haruka returned home. He allowed himself to take a deep breath of fresh air and exhale in relief. The disaster with Rin was over and done with. Ever since he had stupidly gotten into that relationship he had been in constant distress. It was like there had been a huge burden pulling at him that wouldn’t let up, and it was finally gone now. He felt lighter already. But there was still one thing that would make his day better: Makoto.

 

Haruka’s home was empty and quiet; too quiet for a Saturday afternoon. Not that he could blame Makoto for that, he left when Haruka told him he was going to go meet up with Rin, and probably thought he was still with Rin. But that wasn’t anything that couldn’t be fixed by a simple call. He didn’t usually use his phone and he would’ve gone over to Makoto’s house instead, but he wanted Makoto to come over. Maybe it was a whim, he didn’t care. He dialed Makoto’s number and brought his phone to his ear.

 

“Haru? Is everything alright?” Makoto answered with concern and Haruka smiled. Of course he’d think Haruka calling would mean bad news, but he couldn’t be further from the truth.

 

“Come over to my place.”

 

“Ah? But aren’t you… out with Rin?” Makoto asked, confused.

 

“No, I’m home. Come over, I’ll wait for you.” Haruka was about to hang up; he would tell Makoto about breaking up with Rin when he was in front of him. Another whim if you could call it that.

 

“I-I’m sorry, Haru. I can’t.”

 

“….why?” Haruka felt himself frown and got annoyed. He would have to go over to Makoto’s house instead, then. Not that he really minded, he just wished they could be alone.

 

“Well, I’m going out to meet up with Gou-chan in a bit, so…” Makoto trailed off.

 

Makoto’s words felt like a direct punch to the gut, and Haruka was sure a punch to the gut would hurt much less. Makoto had other plans that didn’t include him. Had someone else to occupy his time with whenever Haruka wasn’t around. Why hadn’t that sink in before? Oh, he knew why. Because he had been occupied following Rin around like an idiot to keep up something he didn’t care about.

 

“Rin and I broke up.” Haruka said, as if that would make Makoto change his mind about coming over.

 

“Ah! H-how are you holding up?” Makoto asked with worry.

 

“Why don’t you come over and we can talk.” Haruka insisted.

 

“I’m really, really sorry, Haru. But I-I can’t.”

 

“Makoto, aren’t you supposed to be here with me right now?” Haruka accused. He felt ridiculous and he knew he wasn’t being fair to Makoto, but he couldn’t bear the thought of being replaced and that was exactly how he was feeling. It drove him mad.

 

“I’ll come over when I get back, I promise!” Makoto tried to soothe him.

 

But Haruka was far from soothed. Because he felt like everything was his fault. Makoto hadn’t given Haruka’s time to Kou just because he felt like it. Haruka was the one who had foolishly given it away. He hadn’t thought about it until now. He thought when Rin and him broke up, things with Makoto would go back to normal. But it had stopped being normal some time ago; when they both started dating other people. How had he not realized that before?

 

“Please, Makoto.” Haruka pleaded once more but he knew it was futile. He had no right to make Makoto choose between Kou and him. No matter how much he wanted back what he had given away. He was angry at himself.

 

“Haru…” Makoto said, and the guilt in voice made Haruka’s heart clench.

 

Haruka hung up and dropped his phone in the floor. There were a lot of emotions piling up on him. Guilt at making Makoto feel guilty when it wasn’t his fault. Anger caused by the fact that he didn’t notice what he was giving away sooner. Jealousy caused by Makoto and Kou going on a date together. But most of all, sadness. He wanted to remain by Makoto’s side no matter what and he had made a decision that he would learn to cope with his feelings for his best friend. But he hadn’t learned to cope with them yet. He couldn’t just pretend he was happy for Makoto when in reality it broke his heart. He brought a hand to his chest and clenched it over his heart. He felt… empty.

 

He wanted to go swimming. So he got ready to go and do just that.

 

\--

 

Haru hung up on him… Makoto felt like he had been stabbed through the heart. Had he made Haru feel worse? He didn’t sound any different than usual when Makoto answered the phone, but as the conversation progressed he could feel Haru’s mood change. He had just broken up with his boyfriend and was probably counting on Makoto to comfort him. Sure, the relationship between Rin and Haru had never been one of sunshine and rainbows, but a break-up was supposed to be something difficult. He had to be there for Haru, he couldn’t leave him alone at a time like this.

 

But he had a date with Gou… A date he promised to her in order to make their relationship right and make up for all the horrible things he had done. A date to plan their future. Well, the date would have to wait. They could go some other time, and Haru needed him right now. The problem was, what was he supposed to say to Gou? He hated lying, but he had a feeling that if he were to tell her the truth, that he was cancelling on her because he had to go to Haru, she wouldn’t take it too well. She might feel like he was choosing Haru over her, and maybe he was, but that wasn’t the point. He couldn’t screw up things with Gou anymore; he couldn’t keep on hurting her. Makoto dialed her phone number and brought it to his ear still unsure of what he was going to say to her.

 

“Makoto-sempai? I’m almost ready!” She said happily, and Makoto couldn’t feel anymore guilty.

 

“A-ah, Gou-chan…” The words got stuck on his throat.

 

“What’s wrong?” She seemed to have caught up on his mood.

 

“Ah! I uh…” Makoto didn’t know what to say to her. So he coughed. Repeatedly. He felt like an idiot and a fraud, but he couldn’t come up with anything else. “I’m sorry, Kou-chan… I’m not feeling too well.”

 

“Are you sick?” She asked worriedly, and Makoto wanted to punch himself for making her worry unnecessarily.

 

“No!” But what else was he supposed to say? “I mean, yes! Kind of.” He coughed again.

 

“Do you… do you need me to bring you anything?” The disappointment in her voice made Makoto almost drop the façade and tell her the truth. Almost.

 

No, she couldn’t come over. If she did, she wouldn’t find Makoto home because he was going to Haru’s house and would know he was lying. “No, it’s fine. I just need to rest a bit. And I wouldn’t want you to catch what I have.” He hoped she would believe him, though he felt horrible for lying to her like that. “Is it okay… to re-schedule our date?”

 

“Yeah… sure.”

 

“Is tomorrow okay?” Makoto asked her.

 

“If you feel better, yes.”

 

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

 

“Get well soon, Makoto-sempai.”

 

“Thank you, Gou-chan.” He hung up. He felt terrible about what he did. He was supposed to be making amends for the mistakes he had made with Gou, not piling up more. But he had to go see Haru.

 

However, when he started heading outside of his room, his father stopped him in his bedroom door. He had that look on his face that Makoto hadn’t seen since he was a child. The look that said he was about to be scolded for doing something wrong. There was no doubt about it; his father had heard his phone call and had something to say about it.

 

“Makoto, we need to talk.” His father said with the same look. Then he nodded for Makoto to follow him into the study room, and Makoto already knew he was in big trouble.

 

He followed his father into the study quietly and was already feeling ashamed.

 

\--

 

Kou was staring at herself in the mirror. The beautiful red dress her mom had helped her pick really did look great in contrast with her hair. She was pleased by the way the carefully elaborated hairdo she made herself had turned out. She didn’t put too much make-up on; just enough to give her face a little bit more sparkle. Kou felt good about her look, and really confident. She thought Makoto would like it as well, but he wouldn’t get to see it. He cancelled on her. Granted, he said they would go on that date tomorrow instead, but she felt like she was the only one who felt enthusiasm. Even though Makoto was the one who asked her out, she still felt there was something off about it.

 

Kou removed her dress and hung it up, then put on a shirt and a skirt. She removed the make-up from her face and started to undo her hair. All the time she spent getting ready for their date was for nothing. Makoto said he was sick, and in her heart she wanted to believe him, but her mind was telling her otherwise. She felt tears start to pool in her eyes but she forced herself not to cry. They would clear everything up tomorrow, for better or worse. He needed to be honest with her; he owed her that much. Kou brushed her hair and put it up in a ponytail. She was feeling melancholic; like she was paying the prize of ignoring her instincts for far too long.

 

“You’re an idiot.” She sighed at the mirror.

 

Then she heard her brother talking loudly downstairs. Wait… her brother? She stood up hurriedly and went to greet him. It wasn’t unusual for him to come home in the weekend, but lately he’d been spending more time with Haruka and he would come home a little late. But there he was, getting hugged by their mother and grumbling something about it not being a big deal that he was home.

 

“Brother!” Kou joined in on the hug and Rin sighed.

 

“Seriously you two, I come home every weekend. What’s the big deal?”

 

“Oh, shut up and let us love you.” Their mother said as she pinched his cheek, making him grumble more protests. Kou giggled.

 

“I’m taking this to my room.” Rin huffed carrying his bag and heading upstairs. Kou followed him and their mother resumed putting away some books she was reading.

 

“But you’re earlier than usual today. Aren’t you going out with Haruka-sempai today?” Kou asked as she entered her brother’s room after him.

 

“Nah. We broke up.” Rin said with a shrug.

 

“…you what?”

 

“It wasn’t working for either of us, so we decided to end it.”

 

Kou frowned. “You’re not upset?”

 

“Why should I be?” Rin raised an eyebrow.

 

She shrugged as well. She guessed he didn’t feel strongly about Haruka after all. And if her brother was fine, then everything was okay, she supposed. But then a thought came to her mind. “Wait… when did you guys break up?”

 

“Just today after we went swimming.” Rin chuckled. “That lasted more than it should have.”

 

_Just today_ Kou thought to herself, and suddenly it all made sense. She offered her brother a smile and headed to her bedroom with the excuse that she had something to do. Once in her bedroom she locked the door behind her and leaned on it. So that was the piece of the puzzle she was missing. Makoto’s weird behavior, cancelling their date at the last minute and pretending to be sick; it all made sense now. Haruka and her brother broke up, and Makoto had to be with Haruka right now. Maybe he wasn’t cheating on her, but the fact that Makoto lied to her to go to his best friend made her feel betrayed either way.

 

Kou had enough. She had been stood up for another guy, and her pride had taken a huge blow. She didn’t want to think about it, she didn’t want to feel what she was feeling. She just wanted to forget. She grabbed her phone and dialed Chigusa’s number. She owed her one, and they had promised.

 

“Hello?” Her friend answered.

 

“Hana-chan, I’ll take you up on _that_ right now. Meet me at the school.”

 

Enough was enough.

 

\--

 

Makoto was fidgeting in the cushion he was sitting on under his father’s scrutiny. He didn’t dare meet his father’s gaze and was waiting for him to speak. The seconds went by and he started to feel very awkward. Finally, his father broke the silence.

 

“Makoto, I want you to know that it wasn’t my intention to eavesdrop. But when I hear my son lying so casually, I get concerned.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Makoto said, still not meeting his gaze.

 

“No, I don’t think you need to apologize _to me_. But I would appreciate it if you answer my questions honestly. Can you do that?”

 

Makoto finally looked at him and nodded.

 

“That girl, Matsuoka-san, she’s your girlfriend, isn’t she?”

 

Makoto looked away again. “Y-yes.”

 

His father nodded thoughtfully. “I understand you need your privacy, and even though your mother and I were concerned, we decided to give you your space. But I wish to know why you kept it a secret from us.”

 

Makoto took a deep breath. He’d been lying and keeping many secrets for far too long. He had made one too many mistakes and he just wanted to come clean about everything. He couldn’t lie anymore; he didn’t want to lie anymore. At least not to his father, even if that meant he’d be disappointed in him.

 

Makoto told him everything and his father listened without interrupting, which Makoto was glad for. He told him about his feelings for Haru and how he felt when Haru started dating Rin. He told him about how Kou helped him feel better and when she confessed to him he thought he could give it a chance. He told him how his feelings for Haru didn’t waver and he wasn’t able to return Kou’s feelings even if he tried. He told him about the kiss with Haru on their date with Rin and Kou respectively. He told him about today, about Haru breaking up with Rin and wanting Makoto to be there for him, which was the reason why he lied to Kou. Contrary to what he expected, Makoto didn’t feel good about letting it all out. Saying all the mistakes he had made one after the other just made him feel miserable because his actions affected other people.

 

“You… accepted a girl’s genuine feelings for you, because your own feelings were unrequited?”

 

Makoto nodded, ashamed of himself.

 

“I don’t need to tell you how wrong that is, do I?”

 

Makoto shook his head, unable to form anymore words. His father was right; he knew very well how wrong everything he had done was.

 

His father sighed. “To be quite honest with you, your mom and I already suspected about you and Haruka-kun…”

 

Makoto looked up suddenly and interrupted his father. “So you’re… you’re okay with my… sexuality?” He said embarrassed.

 

“That was never a problem, Makoto.” His father frowned. “But I can’t approve of your actions.”

 

Makoto knew that much, but that didn’t make him feel any less ashamed at hearing his father say it.

 

“I see you don’t need me to scold you. You’re a smart young man and you understand what you’ve done wrong. You’ve done bad things, but that doesn’t make you a bad person. Though I believe I’ve raised you to be better.”

 

Makoto looked at his father in the eye, feeling conflicted at his words.

 

“Make amends and prove to me you’re still the man I raised you to be, and then you’ll fully have my support. I believe you can find an answer on your own. I believe in you.” His father reached for him and put a hand on his shoulder firmly.

 

Makoto looked at him with desperation, because he didn’t have any answers yet. But he held his father’s hand to his shoulder and bowed his head. He didn’t want to disappoint his father, and he didn’t want to disappoint himself.

 

\--

 

Haruka twirled and turned underwater as the sun began to set. Their swim club’s pool was the one place he escaped to when he didn’t have the answers he desperately wanted. But it never gave him any answers, and no matter how much he submerged himself or how much he swam, it didn’t soothe his heart.

 

Makoto was on a date with Kou at that very moment, and that was the only thing he could think of. He remembered that feeling he had some time ago, when he felt Makoto was slipping from him into someone else’s arms. It was just a feeling back then, but it was very real right now. It downed on him the realization that “always by Makoto’s side” actually meant whenever he wasn’t with his girlfriend. Haruka submerged himself deeper into the pool; his tears mingling with the water as soon as they were out of his eyes. _Why is this happening?_ He repeated in his mind over and over again. He surfaced for air and then he heard it; the sounds of footsteps and loud chatter that he couldn’t understand.

 

Haruka remained nose-deep in water and took a peek to see who could possibly be at the school’s swim club so late on a Saturday. Well, who else apart from him. He saw two people there, but he couldn’t see their faces well, it was getting dark. One was leaning on the other.

 

“Come on! Stop being difficult and walk!” He heard one of them say; a girl’s voice.

 

“I don’t want toooooo…” the second person replied. “This is my swim club, mine!” That was also a girl, and her voice was quite familiar.

 

Haruka got out of the pool and approached the pair, suddenly concerned. “Gou?” He said as he got closer to them.

 

Gou’s friend, whose name he couldn’t remember, looked at him abruptly as if she was scared they had been found out. Gou looked… terrible. But when she saw Haruka she finally stopped clinging to her friend and stood up straight before bursting into laughter.

 

“Hana-chan, is that Haruka-sempai or is my mind playing dirty tricks on me?” She said, still laughing.

 

“Are you okay?” Haruka asked him concerned.

 

“Oh, terrific! Can’t you see I’m dancing in the clouds? My boyfriend stood me up so he could follow your ass around!” Gou laughed again and started walking towards Haruka but tripped with her own feet. Her friend, Hana like Gou had called her, caught her in time. “It’s great! Everything’s great.” She hiccupped.

 

“Is she… is she… drunk?” Haruka asked her friend, who nodded in return. “Why would you let her do something like that?” He snapped at her.

 

She glared at him. “You have no right—” She started, but Gou cut her off.

 

“Hana-channnn just did what I did for her.” Gou pinched her friend’s cheek. “We promised the first time we get drunk it’d be with each other…” She hiccupped again. “…and we wouldn’t let the other do anything stupid. Riiiight?” She pinched her friend’s cheek harder.

 

“Ow! Gou!” Her friend complained.

 

“It’s Kou, damn it!” She yelled.

 

“…we should take her home.” Haruka said, turning to look for his clothes.

 

“No, she’s staying at my place today. And I sure as hell don’t need your help.” Hana snapped at him, and Haruka turned to her with a questioning look. Had he done something to offend her?

 

“What?” Haruka asked; he didn’t understand the girl’s cold attitude towards him.

 

Kou laughed again. “Y’know Haruka-sempai, for a smart guy you’re pretty stupid.”

 

Haruka felt he should be offended by Kou’s words, but he was more concerned for her than anything.

 

“Haven’t you seen the way Makoto-sempai looks at you?! Haven’t you seen that smile he gets when he sees you?!” Kou yelled, getting closer to Haruka and throwing her arms in the air. “I don’t get that reaction from him!” She hiccupped. “I have to make a joke or do something _stupid_ to make him smile like that, and you manage it by just showing up!” She laughed again, putting a hand to Haruka’s shoulder. “But I don’t, because he’s in love with you.” She accused.

 

Haruka’s eyes widened. No… Kou was drunk and that was why she was saying outrageous things. Makoto was her boyfriend; he’d chosen Kou. It wasn’t appropriate of Haruka to let a little bit of selfish hope creep up on him at the words of a drunken girl.

 

“You don’t know what you’re saying. Just go home, Kou.” He replied to her, not meeting her eyes.

 

“And you take it for granted?!” Kou yelled, slapping his shoulder. “You have something I so very much wish I had, and you don’t appreciate it. You don’t deserve it! It pisses me off!”

 

“Kou, you don’t… Makoto doesn’t… it’s not…” He didn’t know what to say. He had never allowed himself to harbor any hope that Makoto felt the same way about him, because he thought that was all in his head. But hearing someone else say it made him feel… he didn’t know how it made him feel but it was confusing. But Kou was drunk…

 

She hiccupped again. “Makoto-sempai is almost perfect for me. His only flaw is that he loves you.” Tears started pooling in her eyes and she laughed through them. “Oh, shit, I’m crying!” She laughed harder. “Wow, that’s pathetic. Chigusa!” She turned to her friend. “You promised you wouldn’t let me do anything stupid!” She said accusingly.

 

“I think it’s time I take you home.” Hana told her.

 

“No, wait! I still have to kick his ass!” Kou said.

 

“Would you just go, please? It makes it more difficult.” Hana told Haruka, who nodded in understanding. Even if it was all in Kou’s head, his presence wasn’t helping her at all.

 

He turned around, and started picking up his clothes from the floor.

 

“Hey! Get back here!” Kou struggled in Hana’s arms.

 

Haruka retreated, putting his clothes back on when he was out of sight. Kou was drunk; she didn’t know what she was saying. _She’s drunk, she’s drunk, she’s drunk_.

 

And yet… could there be any truth in her words? Haruka didn’t know. But truth or not, a drunken girl had said something that made him feel like a switch had been turned on and he could see everything in a different light.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the delay, and though I had my reasons, they probably will just sound like excuses. So I apologize.
> 
> Anyway, this chapter gave me quite a lot of trouble. I'm still unsure about some parts of it, but I needed it to happen this way. Papa Tachibana has definitely been the most difficult character to write so far. orz
> 
> Let me know your thoughts about this chapter. If you feel like I went overboard, do let me know so I can improve. 
> 
> I really do hope I can get the next chapter out by the weekend, but just in case, I won't make any promises. See you next water time!


	16. Ultimatum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kou gives Haru an ultimatum, and the latter ponders about his options.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written from Makoto's, Haru's and a little bit of Kou's POV's.

Makoto couldn’t fall asleep that night. He hadn’t gone on his date with Kou, nor did he go to see Haru either. He thought whatever it was he was going to do next would undoubtedly hurt someone, and it scared him.

 

His father believed in him, but he didn’t believe in himself. How could he? If he was in that situation in the first place, it was because he had gotten into it himself. Makoto saw that kind of thing all the time in school, though. Boys who date one girl today and another one next week; girls who date one boy to make the boy they really like jealous, so on and so forth. It was like it was a common thing for people in his age group to screw up in love. He could say he was young and reckless and still had too much to learn about life, and it was true, but it still just sounded like a pitiful excuse for his behavior. He had given false hope to a sweet girl who was also a good friend, and he didn’t know how to fix that.

 

“ _Make amends and prove to me you’re still the man I raised you to be_.” His father had said. But how could he make amends for something like that? He had to start by being honest, but being honest meant admitting he didn’t have feelings for Kou and he had them for Haru. There was no way to come clean about that without hurting Kou’s feelings; she would feel betrayed and humiliated. And if he made her suffer, how could that amend anything? How would she even react?

 

“ _I’ll love you for the both of us! Please, don’t leave me!_ ” Kou had said in one of his dreams. If she did indeed take it that way, if she actually said that to Makoto, would he have the will to deny her anything? No, he didn’t think he would. He thought he owed her. The more he thought about it, the less likely it seemed he would come up with a feasible solution. Maybe there was no way to make things right; maybe there was no way he would earn his father’s support. Maybe he had put too much faith in Makoto and he would let him down. Maybe his only option was to try and make Kou happy.

 

Makoto took a deep breath and pulled the covers up to his head to cover himself completely. He wouldn’t know anything until he talked to Kou tomorrow on their date. It was no use trying to come up with hypothetical scenarios that may or may not come true. He could only make one decision right now, and promise to stay true to it no matter what.

 

_No more lies._

 

\--

 

Haruka was up earlier than usual on a Sunday morning. He made sure to take a long amount of time in the bath, but it was still barely 7:15 am when he started on breakfast. He was restless; he hadn’t slept well. He was worried about Kou and he was worried about Makoto.

 

Makoto, who cancelled a date with his girlfriend for him. Kou, who got drunk because of it, convinced Makoto had chosen Haruka over her. And then there were all the things Kou had said; things that Haruka had thought to himself countless times before, but he didn’t trust his intuition enough to believe such things. It was different to hear someone else say so. It made it more real; more plausible. But Kou was drunk. He shouldn’t take her words seriously… right?

 

His phone rang, and Haruka would’ve ignored it, but the personalized ringtone indicated it was Makoto calling. It was still really early and Makoto usually would sleep in on the weekends. The fact that he was calling so early meant he was really worried about Haruka.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Haru! H-hi! Good morning!” Makoto greeted, a little startled.

 

“Hey…” Haruka simply replied.

 

“H-how are you feeling today?” Makoto asked.

 

Haruka paused to think. How was he today? He had finally broken up with Rin, so that was a good thing. But there was something else. Something that Kou had brought up and he wanted to clear up, even if it was selfish of him. But asking Makoto directly didn’t seem right; because what if Kou was wrong?

 

“…Haru?” Makoto inquired, concerned at Haruka’s silence.

 

“I don’t know.” Haruka answered truthfully. He didn’t know how he was feeling; he was more confused than anything else.

 

“I, uh… would you like me to come over?” Makoto offered.

 

It was tempting; so very tempting. But Haruka needed to clear his head before he faced Makoto; because with the ideas circling in his mind he would probably take Makoto sitting next to him as a sign of love. “I’m sorry. About yesterday.” He was about to apologize for making him cancel his date, but then he realized he probably wasn’t supposed to know that. “I wasn’t fair to you.” He apologized for something else instead.

 

“N-no, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it, Haru.”

 

“It’s not.” Haruka frowned. He didn’t want Makoto to be so wishy-washy. Sometimes Haruka deserved for Makoto to get mad at him, even though he never did.

 

“You were upset, Haru. I understand.”

 

 _No, you don’t._ Haruka wanted to say; because Makoto really didn’t understand. He wasn’t upset for the reasons Makoto thought he was. Haruka sighed.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come over?” Makoto asked.

 

Haruka hadn’t said he didn’t want Makoto to come over, but he guessed the fact that he didn’t reply gave Makoto an answer. Why were some things so easy for Makoto to understand, yet he couldn’t see others at all? “It’s fine.” Haruka sighed again. And he thought about doing something to start sorting everything out. “I have something to do.”

 

“O-okay.” Makoto said.

 

“…yeah.”

 

“I’m here if you need me, okay? You can call me or stop by whenever you want. As always.”

 

Haruka felt his heart flutter, and that was exactly what he wanted to avoid: getting hope from the smallest of things. It still didn’t make him any less grateful at Makoto’s words, though. “I know. Thank you.”

 

“See you later, Haru.”

 

“Bye.” And then he hung up.

 

The conversation felt bittersweet. Haruka was struggling to let his feelings out, and trying to keep them inside. It was as if since last night, Kou had opened Pandora’s Box and now Haruka was at a complete loss. He supposed he had to start by talking to the one who had put all those doubts in his mind. Preferably when she was sober.

 

But would she want to talk to him? She probably had a hangover and was in no condition to be having a conversation. She was also staying at her friend’s house, and Haruka had no idea where that was. But he had to talk to her for several reasons. He was worried about her, he felt guilty about the state she as in, and the more selfish reason: he wanted answers. He decided to send her a text to at least see if she would tell him how she was doing. **Are you alright?** He sent. It probably wasn’t the right thing to ask, but Haruka didn’t have it in him to be worrying about little details right now. He had enough in his mind already.

 

It didn’t take long for her to reply, surprisingly. **Yeah. Can you please say nothing about last night to anyone?** Was her reply. Haruka wasn’t planning to tell anyone, so it was fine. But Kou didn’t really answer his question.

 

 **I won’t. Don’t you have a hangover?** Haruka asked, not wanting to drop the subject of her well-being just yet.

 

She replied quickly enough again. **Thanks. Hana-chan gave me something for that and I’m already home. I still have a bit of a headache but not anything I can’t handle.**

 

That was good, she was home. **Can we talk?** Haruka couldn’t help but asking.

 

Kou took a while to reply. Several minutes passed and Haruka thought she was ignoring him, but then he received a new message. **What about?** It said.

 

Haruka could tell she was reluctant, but he couldn’t just leave things like that. He had to talk to her. **I’ll tell you when I get to your place.** He said, getting ready to leave.

 

 **Fine.** Was her answer, and Haruka swore he could sense the snappy tone in her one word reply.

 

\--

 

Haruka got to Kou’s home and simply stood there; just staring at it. He didn’t have good memories about that particular place. Right there on the doorsteps was where he saw Makoto and Kou kissing for the first time. The memory was still as uncomfortable as ever, and right here, what Kou said the night before really seemed impossible. How could Makoto feel anything for him when he’d chosen to give his kisses to someone else? Makoto wasn’t like him. Yet here Haruka was; looking for answers and clinging selfishly to a false hope.

 

Haruka looked around and thought maybe he should ring the bell? But he didn’t want Kou’s mother to know he was here. He would have a hard time explaining why he was visiting Kou, and he had promised her he wouldn’t tell anyone about what happened last night. So he just texted Kou instead, letting her know he had arrived. **I’m here.** He sent, and went to stand by a tree nearby to cover from the sun. The day was starting to heat up.

 

A few minutes went by and Haruka was spacing out, looking at some flowers that the breeze was blowing. Kou came out of her house and when she didn’t see Haruka there, she started looking around. He was about to go up to meet her but she spotted him and started walking towards him instead. She looked… worse than she had made Haruka believe she was. Her hair was down; Haruka couldn’t remember ever seeing Kou with her hair loose completely. It was probably because of the headache, he thought. She was wearing sunglasses and covering her face with her hand as if to block away the sun. Seeing her in that condition made Haruka feel suddenly overcome by guilt. Kou thought Makoto had feelings for Haruka, and that was why she had gotten drunk and said the things she said. It obviously made her feel miserable enough to want to go through such lengths. Yet here Haruka was, hoping something that caused a dear friend so much distress was true. When Kou stood in front of him under the tree’s shadow, Haruka had to look away. He couldn’t look her in the eye.

 

“What did you want to talk about?” Kou snapped, getting straight to the point.

 

Haruka frowned. He didn’t know how to bring it up. “Do you remember about last night?” He asked lamely.

 

“I see no reason why I wouldn’t.” She responded flatly.

 

“…you were drunk.” Didn’t drunken people forget about the things they did when they were in that state?

 

“I guess I wasn’t _that_ drunk.” Kou shrugged.

 

Haruka looked at her finally with a slight frown. “Don’t do that again.” He said. Regardless of the fact that he was in love with Kou’s boyfriend, he really did care about her.

 

“I won’t.” Haruka could see her frown through her sunglasses. “But that’s not what you came here to talk about, is it?”

 

Haruka sighed. This was it. “You just said some things last night…” He took a pause, feeling uncomfortable talking about this. “…and I’m not sure what you meant, or _if_ you meant them.”

 

“I meant every word.” Kou replied.

 

“You don’t even know what I’m—”

 

“Of course I know!” Kou cut him off. “I called you stupid, Haruka-sempai, for ignoring the obvious. I know it was a disrespectful thing to say, but it doesn’t make it any less true!”

 

“But how could you know that?”

 

“How could you _not_?!” Kou brought her hands to her hair in disbelief. “How could you let it get out of hand like this?”

 

“I never thought he could—”

 

“No, you just refused to believe it.” Kou gave him a look. “Didn’t you?”

 

Haruka looked away again, and realized there was truth in Kou’s words. He had indeed been refusing to believe many things he noticed from Makoto for a while. His silence seemed to be enough of an answer for Kou.

 

“Of course.” She scoffed. Then she sighed. “I’m tired of everything, Haruka-sempai. Do I have to be the grown up, here? Because I’m not very good at the role.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Haruka apologized. He didn’t know what to do, and he didn’t know what to believe. He felt as lost and confused as he had felt when he lost that race against Rin. He didn’t know what he was expecting from whatever it was Kou would tell him, but it didn’t make him feel any better. He just felt guilty; guilty for ignoring Makoto’s possible feelings for him, guilty for causing distress to Kou. What else could he do other than apologize? He didn’t know. He had no answers.

 

Kou sighed. “Alright, Haruka-sempai, this is your last chance. At 5 o’ clock this afternoon, I’m supposed to meet Makoto-sempai at the park down the street for a date. We’ll be discussing our future.” Haruka met her gaze and saw she had taken off her sunglasses. Her eyes were serious, even though she looked tired. “If you can beat me there, if you can get to Makoto-sempai first, tell him how you feel. Work things out and stop running away once and for all. If you don’t, we’ll go on that date and decide which college Makoto-sempai will go off to so I can join him when I graduate. I’ll make sure it’s one as far away as possible, and I’ll make sure you never get a chance like this one ever again; because if you let this opportunity slip, you sure as hell don’t deserve another one.” Her voice cracked at the last word and she looked hurt.

 

Haruka was alarmed. Was she serious? He saw how much pain it caused her to say those words. He saw the kindness in her ultimatum. Even though it hurt her, she was giving Haruka a chance to be with the one he loved; a chance he didn’t deserve. Would he dare to take her up on her word?

 

“You have until 5:10, I’m not making Makoto-sempai wait anymore than that. Be there.” She frowned at him, put her sunglasses back on and then walked away without saying another word.

 

\--

 

Water surrounded him completely, blurring his vision from the outside. Submerging in water was the one thing Haruka did when there was nothing else he thought he could do. Going to the school’s pool would’ve been ideal, but he settled for his bathtub. He didn’t want to have the memory of a drunken Kou haunting him while he tried to sort out his thoughts. He broke the surface for air, raised his arm to look at the water dripping from it; feeling it travel down his skin and back into the tub. Haruka took a deep breath and submerged himself completely again.

 

He was having a hard time picturing it; picturing what Kou had said. _Makoto is in love with me_ he repeated in his head over and over again. It sounded so unreal, so far away. He had been running away for so long, that he didn’t know how to stop now. He had spent so much time telling himself that it wasn’t possible; that it was all in his head. He had convinced himself he was right. And now, he couldn’t see it as truth.

 

Haruka surfaced again but not completely. He only surfaced from his nose up so that he could breathe and stayed like that. He had a deadline to make. He had to make it to Makoto before 5:10 like Kou had said. But why did he have to make a deadline? If Kou was so sure Makoto was in love with Haruka, why did she think she was capable of taking him away just like that? It was possible she was counting on Makoto’s kindness and thought him incapable of breaking up with her. Haruka himself thought about it sometimes; that even if Makoto were to feel the same way about him, he wouldn’t just leave Kou for him; even though he did kiss Haruka while on a date with Kou, and also cancelled a date with her for him. If Kou asked him, or begged him, Makoto would comply. But Haruka was sure Kou wouldn’t manipulate Makoto like that. The truth was Kou didn’t know anything about Makoto’s feelings. Or even if she was in the right about them, it had been foolish of Haruka to look for answers from her. Only Makoto could tell him for sure what his feelings were.

 

And that was the thing, he had been telling Haruka all along how he really felt. His kisses screamed how much he wanted Haruka. His touches shouted how much he longed for Haruka. And his eyes… those looks just yelled _I love you_ time after time again. Makoto had put himself out there, but Haruka had decided to ignore him, running away to Rin, and pushing Makoto into Kou’s arms. It was all his fault and he couldn’t believe how stupid he had been. Kou was right. He didn’t deserve this chance; he had been stupid and taken something so precious for granted. But he wanted it. He wanted Makoto’s love, and he wanted the chance to make it work.

 

He had to make the deadline; he had to get to Makoto before Kou made him promise anything he wouldn’t dare to back out on. But would he make it in time? He had lost track of time in the bathtub like he usually did. He had probably been soaking for hours without realizing it. He took too long sorting out his thoughts and he still didn’t know how he was going to go on about things. He just knew he had to make it.

 

Haruka got out of the tub quickly and ran to his bedroom to change. He took a look at the clock. _Shoot!_ It was already 5:09 pm.

 

He wouldn’t make it.

 

\--

 

Kou was looking at Makoto from far away. He was sitting, facing away from her, on a bench at the park they had agreed to meet up at. It was already 5:10 and Haruka was nowhere to be seen. _He has to come. He has to be here!_ She repeated to herself. And so she waited… and waited. Until she couldn’t take it anymore. It was freaking 5:30 and there was still no sign of Haruka anywhere. If he was so willing to let something like that slip away from him, then so be it. He didn’t deserve it. She would probably regret what she was going to do, but they left her no choice.

 

_Damn it Haruka._

 

And she started walking towards the one who was still her boyfriend; a million scenarios playing in her head.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I truly apologize for the delay for this chapter. But stuff that has been happening started to take a toll on my health and I needed to take care of myself. I'm still not at my 100%, but I could still write this much. Again, I'm sorry for the delay, but I hope you understand that I will prioritize my well-being.
> 
> Also, I want to thank you all for all your comments. Even if I do not reply, I read every single one of them and I appreciate the feedback from the bottom of my heart. :') Thank you so much, really. <3
> 
> Anyway! The next chapter will probably be posted later on tonight or tomorrow, since it's already almost done and I just have to go through it a couple of times to check for spelling mistakes and errors (yes, a couple of times; sad part of not having a beta T-T ) See you next water time!


	17. Deadline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Haru make it on time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here it is! Un-beta'd; it's only revised by myself while half-asleep and half-awake, so there are bound to be more mistakes than usual. Sorry in advance. >.

He was running as if his life depended on it. He was getting strange looks and glares from the people he shoved as he ran past them. It didn’t matter to Haruka, they could think whatever the hell they wanted and they could hate him for all he cared. He probably was overreacting. Even if he didn’t make it in time, he could talk to Makoto and clear everything up later. But no, that wouldn’t be right. Kou had given him a chance and he would be stupid if he were to let it slip. He couldn’t let Makoto make a promise to Kou, only for Haruka to make him break it later on. He _wouldn’t_. It wouldn’t be fair to Makoto, not when he had the chance to make things right _now_. He had wasted way too much time, and he couldn’t waste another minute. He had to make it. If only his legs moved faster!

 

He didn’t remember it being this far away when he came over this morning to Kou’s house, and the park was close enough to her home that it shouldn’t make a difference. But he still hadn’t arrived there yet. The bus had been too slow, his legs were too slow. It was all Haruka’s fault; why did he have to take so long thinking about it? Now he was running out of time and he had no one to blame but himself.

 

He got to the park finally and stopped to catch his breath, but started to look around desperately. Makoto and Kou were nowhere to be seen. Was he too late? _No, please, please, please!_ He repeated in his head over and over again as he continued to search. There were some kids playing in the swings, and people lining up to buy ice cream from a truck, but no sign of Makoto and Kou anywhere.

 

He was too late.

 

Haruka kept walking without direction, feeling his legs go weak. This was his fault. He only had to do one thing, and he couldn’t make it. He felt defeated. _“I f you let this opportunity slip, you sure as hell don’t deserve another one.”_ Kou had said. And he did let it slip; he wasn’t good enough. He hesitated, and this was the result.

 

But then before he realized where he was walking to, he looked ahead and saw Makoto sitting on a bench, tapping his foot impatiently and looking worried. Several feet behind him was Kou, walking to where Makoto was, but he hadn’t noticed her since she was coming up from behind him. Haruka was on time.

 

He walked hurriedly and got in Kou’s line of vision, and she noticed him before she could make Makoto aware of her own presence. She glared at Haruka, pointing at the watch in her wrist. He knew he was late, but Kou had still waited for him a bit longer, and he was so grateful to her for that. No matter the death glare she was giving him.

 

“Haru?” Makoto called him, getting up from the bench.

 

Kou took a step back, nodded at Haruka and then left without saying a word to Makoto. Haruka felt a wave of relief wash through him. He felt like he was going to cry, and that made him feel stupid.

 

“Haru, what are you doing here? Are you okay?” Makoto was right in front of him now, clearly concerned.

 

There was so much Haruka wanted to say. He wanted to tell Makoto how much he loved him and how much of an idiot he had been. Never in his life did Haruka wanted to say so many things at once so urgently. And never in his life had words failed him so much. Considering how bad he was with words, that was saying a lot. He started to shake a little, and Makoto was alarmed now.

 

“Haru!” Makoto said, putting both hands on Haruka’s shoulders and trying to lead him back to sit on the bench.

 

Why was this so hard? Why couldn’t he just say what he felt? How hard could it be to say _I love you and I know you love me too_? Or something like that. Something. _Anything!_ Well, if he couldn’t get the words out, he’d let his actions speak for themselves. Haruka stopped walking backwards to where Makoto was leading him and put his hands on Makoto’s chest, looking at him in the eye. Makoto seemed confused.

 

Then, Haruka brought his hands up to Makoto’s face and caressed it. He could feel Makoto’s hands on his shoulders tremble a little, and Makoto’s eyes widened ever so slightly. Haruka held Makoto’s gaze for a few seconds, seeing his eyes sparkle with something he now knew it was love, and he hoped Makoto could see the same thing in his eyes. Then, without any further notice, Haruka pulled Makoto’s face closer to his and kissed him right on the lips.

 

It was gentle and so very sweet that it warmed Haruka from head to toe. Makoto’s lips moved against his of their own accord, and Haruka just knew that even if Makoto didn’t intend to return the kiss, his reaction was automatic. Because he loved Haruka as much as Haruka loved him, and Haruka’s lips were made for Makoto to kiss. The sudden realization made Haruka deepen the kiss, pushing his tongue into Makoto’s mouth and moving one of his hands to the back of his head to interlock his fingers in Makoto’s hair. He pressed his body against Makoto’s and felt Makoto’s hands travel from his shoulders down his body all the way to his hips, holding him in place. The heated kiss, Makoto’s touch and the feeling of their bodies pressed together made Haruka feel light-headed, but it didn’t matter. Because it was so good; it was perfect. Haruka reluctantly broke the kiss for air, but put his arms around Makoto’s neck to keep him close.

 

Haruka pressed his forehead against Makoto’s and their noses bumped. They were both panting; the feeling of Makoto’s breath against his face tickled. Haruka loved it.

 

“Haru…” Makoto whispered. Then his eyes widened and he pulled away slightly, looking around alarmed. But he still didn’t remove his hands from Haruka’s hips, and that much pleased Haruka.

 

“She’s not coming.” Haruka told him, knowing what Makoto was looking around for. Or rather _whom_.

 

“She’s not?” Makoto asked, confused.

 

Haruka simply shook his head and brought a hand to Makoto’s face to trace his bottom lip with his thumb. He wanted to kiss Makoto again.

 

“H-how do you know?” Makoto wondered. His bottom lip trembled against Haruka’s thumb, and it was so very tempting to just get close and suck on his lip.

 

So Haruka did just that. Makoto gasped at his bold action, but then they were kissing again. Slower this time, but just as passionate. Haruka couldn’t have enough of Makoto’s hot wet tongue against his, and he shivered into the kiss, pressing his body even closer to Makoto’s. Makoto wrapped his arms around Haruka, but they still weren’t close enough. Haruka wanted more.

 

But one of them had to be the rational one, and that was Makoto. They were still in a public place and there were children around. Makoto pulled away slowly but kept his arms around Haruka.

 

“Haru, what are you doing?” Makoto inquired in a soft husky voice, and Haruka could see so much just by looking at Makoto’s eyes. He looked excited, confused, a little startled. But the one emotion that overshadowed them all, was love. Haruka didn’t know how he could tell, but he could tell.

 

Looking into Makoto’s eyes he honestly couldn’t remember there being a time where there wasn’t any love for Haruka in them, and the fact that he had been so stupid as to ignore it made him angry at himself. Haruka really couldn’t blame Makoto for having doubts, though. He himself had hesitated so much that day that he spent hours in the bathtub trying to figure out what to do. Makoto had every right to feel insecure, but Haruka wanted to change that. He wanted to wash away Makoto’s doubts with his kisses. “Let’s go home. We’ll talk about it there.”

 

Makoto frowned. “I… but you’re… Gou-chan…” He was hesitating, clearly unsure.

 

Haruka gave him a quick peck on the lips and took his hand, trying to reassure him. “Let’s go.”

 

And they didn’t let go for a second as they made their way back.

 

\--

 

Makoto felt like his head was going to explode with confusion, and his heart would burst with happiness. An hour ago he was preparing himself mentally to grant Gou whatever it was she would want from him to make her happy, even if that meant he had to give up his love for Haru once and for all. But now, he had been kissed by Haru again and they were holding hands, walking to Haru’s house together. They were almost there.

 

Haru had said they would talk about it, and Makoto really needed to have that conversation before he went crazy. But really, what else could a kiss mean other than reciprocated feelings? If Haru wanted to kiss him, then that meant he wanted Makoto, didn’t it? Or did that just mean Haru had found out how Makoto really felt about him? And what was that about Haru knowing Gou wouldn’t make it to their date? Had they spoken about anything? Suddenly he was really nervous and he could feel his hands get sweaty. They were in Haru’s house already by now, and once they got inside, Makoto let go of Haru’s hand to wipe the sweat on his shirt, only to have Haru pull him by the arm and lead him to sit on the couch. As they sat next to each other, Makoto tapped his foot nervously and folded his arms in his lap, waiting for Haru to speak.

 

But he didn’t. Haru was having trouble with his words; more so than usual. Makoto could tell. He would try to encourage Haru to speak; try and say something that would make Haru feel comfortable enough to let out whatever was on his mind. But Makoto was at a complete loss. He didn’t have a clue of what he could say, so he just looked at Haru in the eye trying to get some answers.

 

Haru’s eyes… were truly beautiful. Beautiful and deep like an ocean Makoto wouldn’t mind diving into at all. But as beautiful as his eyes were, Makoto couldn’t decipher what Haru’s eyes were saying. Because what he saw in them was something impossible. Haru’s eyes were shining like they did whenever he saw a body of water, but there was a tenderness to his look that not even water could get from Haru. _Could it be… because of me?_ Makoto asked himself.

 

“I talked to Kou.” Haru finally broke the silence. “She told me you’d be there waiting for her for a date, but that I should go instead of her.” Makoto could tell he was having a hard time finding the right words.

 

But at his choice of words, Makoto felt a slap of disappointment hit him in the face. “D-does that mean… you only did this because Gou-chan…?” Makoto trailed off, his voice cracking in the last word.

 

“No!” Haru said alarmed. “Makoto, I wanted to kiss you.” Haru brought his hands to Makoto’s face again. “I still want to.” He said in a low voice, and kissed Makoto once more.

 

All reason flew out the window whenever Haru’s lips met his. And at this rate, Makoto would end up completely insane by the end of the day. He knew there were a million questions he should ask, but he couldn’t find the will to even form them in his mind when Haru’s lips moved against his so sweetly and tender.

 

They pulled away slightly but kept close enough for their lips to brush against each other when Makoto spoke, making him shiver. “But… why?” Was all he could manage at the moment.

 

Haru pulled apart a little more so that he could look into Makoto’s eyes directly. “Can’t you tell?” He asked Makoto, and Makoto could swear he had never seen Haru look more beautiful in his life.

 

He was blushing; the pink in his cheeks looked absolutely lovely. His lips were parted slightly; so kissable. And his eyes… his eyes were just glowing. Haru’s eyes were a whole other world. Makoto could just look at them and transport himself to somewhere completely different; a remote place where there was only the two of them being linked together. Makoto felt such a strong connection by just looking into Haru’s eyes that suddenly he _knew_. He knew what it was Haru wanted him to find out and he gasped in understanding. “But… that’s… impossible!” Makoto almost whispered.

 

Haru gave him a tiny smile and got closer to place a kiss in the corner of Makoto’s mouth. “It’s not.” He said.

 

“You were with Rin…” Makoto mumbled, struggling to keep his grip on reality.

 

Haru placed another kiss in the other corner of Makoto’s mouth. “That was a mistake.”

 

“Haru…” Could it be possible? Was this real? Makoto’s heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest.

 

Then Haru pulled him into another kiss; deeper, more passionate than all the kisses they have had before. Haru started to lie back on the couch and pulled Makoto so that he was lying on top of him. Makoto put his arms on either side of Haru to support his weight, and continued his exploration of Haru’s mouth. He tasted so good; he felt so good. Haru arched his back to eagerly press his body more against Makoto’s, and Makoto couldn’t help the low moan that formed in his throat. It was all so unreal; like a dream. Makoto started to feel light-headed and had to break the kiss for air; breathing heavily.

 

Reluctant to break contact, Makoto kissed down Haru’s neck until he was resting his head on Haru’s chest, and listened to his heartbeat. Haru’s heartbeat was the single most significant sound in the whole world for Makoto, and hearing it beat so fast made his beat just as fast. He swore he could hear both their heartbeats almost in sync, and before he even thought about what he was going to do, he was confessing. “I love you.” Makoto said a little over a whisper. He heart Haru’s heart flutter cutely at his confession.

 

“I love you too.” Haru replied in such a low voice that if Makoto wasn’t so close to him, he would’ve missed it.

 

And it was way too nostalgic for Makoto not to be reminded of something he had been certain had been a dream. When he had that nightmare the night before, he had come to Haru for comfort and he had fallen asleep in Haru’s arms, listening to his heartbeat. He had dreamt he confessed to Haru and Haru told him he loved Makoto too while he showered him with kisses. Makoto thought it was a dream… but then it hit him… it hadn’t been a dream.

 

Makoto raised his head abruptly and gasped, looking at Haru who had a small smile on his face. “That was real?”

 

Haru simply nodded in reply, knowing exactly what Makoto was asking. Makoto felt like his whole chest was full, he felt his heart beat faster than it ever had, and he couldn’t help but smile and gasp again like an idiot. Haru loved him, and there was nothing else in the world that could’ve made Makoto happier. And Haru was looking at him with the most endearing expression in his face, like he was treasuring Makoto’s reaction. Then, Haru pulled Makoto down for a big kiss that left them both dizzy.

 

Makoto knew there were still things to be done; things to clear up and be said. But at that moment he just couldn’t bring himself to care. Not when Haru’s lips felt so good against his own; not when Haru’s body molded into Makoto’s perfectly. For now, all he wanted was to stay in the couch and continue to kiss Haru senseless until he took his breath away. So that was all he did.

 

But of course, he was a young boy in love. And it was natural that all the kissing and all the touching started to do certain things to his body. The way Haru squirmed under Makoto’s touch and the way he insisted in getting even closer to Makoto’s body were driving him insane. Haru was absolutely beautiful. “Haru…” Makoto whispered between kisses.

 

Haru had his arms wrapped around Makoto, and his lips didn’t leave Makoto’s for more than 2 seconds at a time. He spread his legs so that Makoto would accommodate himself between them, and it was too much. Because when he did so, Makoto’s crotch brushed against Haru’s; the sudden contact sent such a jolt of sensations through Makoto’s body that he broke the kiss with a gasp, causing Haru to let out the softest whine of protest at the loss. But Makoto wasn’t thinking clearly, and this was dangerous. He tried to raise his hips so that his groin wasn’t pressed against Haru’s body, but Haru wrapped his legs around him, keeping him in place. Makoto grunted and searched Haru’s lips again desperately in a heated kiss.

 

He had finally let go. He was finally doing something that he had fantasized about for so long, and he knew they were going too fast. But to Makoto, it felt like he had been holding himself back far too much, and after breaking free from all restrictions it was difficult to set a limit. Haru started moving his hips in a circular motion, grinding against Makoto, and Makoto couldn’t help but return the favor. The heat was too much, and waves of pleasure coursed through his body. It was like nothing Makoto had ever experienced before.

 

“Haru… I’m…” Makoto whispered against Haru’s lips. Were they really going to go through with this? If Haru wanted to stop, he would have to be the one to stop it. Makoto didn’t think himself capable of it.

 

“It’s okay.” Haru responded, nibbling on Makoto’s lips. And in a series of quick movements, Haru managed to maneuver in such a way that they exchanged positions. Makoto was lying with his back on the couch, while Haru was on top of him, legs spread on either side of Makoto’s hips. “I’m the same way.” Haru said softly as he grounded his hips down to grind against Makoto’s hardness.

 

Makoto moaned softly at the sensation of Haru’s erection pressed against his. He could feel it, hard and hot against his own even through clothes. “Ha-Haru… is it really okay?” Makoto wondered. The rush of sensations in his body didn’t let him think clearly, but he forced himself to focus; he needed to make sure Haru was okay with what they were doing. Nothing could be more important to Makoto than making sure Haru was comfortable. To give Haru a clue of what he was asking, Makoto brought his hands to Haru’s bum pulling him closer while he jerked his hips upwards at the same time, eliciting a moan from both of them.

 

Haru took a deep breath and looked at Makoto in the eye. “I don’t want to stop now.” He said, and Makoto knew he was searching for an answer in his eyes.

 

Makoto squeezed Haru’s ass cheeks and shook his head slightly as he replied “Me neither.”

 

Haru bit his lip. “G-good.” Then he started kissing Makoto again.

 

Makoto felt Haru raise his shirt up to his chest and start touching his abs. It tickled but it felt so good; sensual, even. The touch of skin on skin was a thousand times better than through clothes. Not that touching through clothes was bad; not at all. But their clothes were in the way, and suddenly, Makoto wanted them out. He started fumbling with Haru’s belt while his lover kept his ministrations on his stomach muscles. Once he loosened the belt, he unbuttoned Haru’s pants and undid the zipper slowly, pushing Haru’s pants and swimsuit (no surprise there) down just enough to free his dick. At that, Haru broke the kiss and hid his face in Makoto’s neck.

 

And that was how Makoto realized Haru could be amazingly sexy and incredibly cute at the same time. Something about a shy Haru turned him on even more so than he already was; made him want to break Haru out of his shell and have his way with him. But it also made him want to cuddle him and shower him with kisses. Makoto wrapped his arms around Haru and pressed soft kisses against his forehead; reassuring him. Haru hadn’t given him the chance to see him, and just the thought of Haru’s exposed cock sent shivers down his spine.

 

“Let me touch you.” Makoto requested Haru in the softest voice he could manage.

 

Haru rubbed his forehead slightly against Makoto’s neck, before moving his face to whisper in Makoto’s ear. “I want to touch you too.”

 

Haru’s voice in his ear was so sexy; so full of lust. It made Makoto feel hot from head to toe. Then he felt Haru undo his pants with much more ease than Makoto had, and feeling himself exposed he could understand why Haru had reacted the way he did. It was a little intimidating being like that, naked and aroused, for the first time in front of someone. But his someone was Haru, the one person he loved and trusted more than anyone else in the world, and one tender kiss was all it took for Makoto’s insecurities to dissipate.

 

Haru started moving, aligning himself so that his cock brushed against Makoto’s, and the sensation was exhilarating. “A-ah” Makoto let out as the foreign touch of skin against his member clouded his mind. But more than feel it, he also wanted to see it. He un-wrapped his arms from around Haru, and as if Haru knew of Makoto’s intentions, he pulled himself upwards a little to let some room for him to see.

 

The sight… was breath-taking. Haru’s hair was mussed over his hungry eyes and swollen lips; his cheeks tainted with the perfect shade of pink. His shirt was all crumpled, and viewing Haru’s hard member pressed against his own almost made him lose it. Makoto’s hips rose involuntarily making them rub against each other and they both grunted at the feeling. Makoto put one of his hands on Haru’s hips and wrapped the other one around their erections to stroke them together. Haru moaned obscenely and started moving his hips up and down almost desperately. Makoto could feel it; it wouldn’t be long now. Haru had closed his eyes and was biting his bottom lip as he continued to move against Makoto; Makoto pressed his thumb against both their tips eliciting a gasp from Haru. Makoto was so close… _so close_.

 

“Haru” he managed to get out through his heavy breathing. And that was all it took for Haru to reach his orgasm with a soft cry. The feeling of Haru’s hot cum against Makoto’s dick pushed him to the limit and Makoto was letting out his release as well; his seed pouring out of him tainting his fingers and his exposed stomach.

 

Haru collapsed on top of Makoto breathing heavily, and after a few seconds Makoto pulled him for a soft, sloppy kiss. Then, once again, Haru hid his face in Makoto’s neck, and Makoto couldn’t suppress a giggle.

 

“Don’t laugh at me.” Haru reprimanded him.

 

“I’m not laughing at you. I’m just so happy.” Makoto said honestly.

 

Haru raised his face again and looked at Makoto in the eye, bringing a hand up to Makoto’s face to caress it. “Me too” he said.

 

Makoto felt his heart flutter happily, so he pulled Haru down for a hug. He could lay there for the rest of the afternoon, basking on his happiness. But they were both dirty and sticky.

 

“We should take a bath.” Haru then said, echoing Makoto’s thoughts.

 

Makoto smiled. “Yeah. I’ll go ahead first so you can take your time.”

 

“No.” Haru responded as he raised his head to look at Makoto’s confused face. “Together.” He said with a slight blush on his face.

 

Makoto understood right away, and he found the idea of taking a bath with Haru very, _very_ appealing.

 

So they did.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, eh? FINALLY!! Aaaaaahhhhh! *hides myself in a hole* LOL! I'm so sorry, I am at a complete loss when it comes to smut. I wanted to make it cute and sexy and special... but what is anatomy? What is gravity? What are physics? I don't even know how it turned out! I bow my head to those who are able to write good smut; I appreciate your work even more now. <3 I hope at least it's not terrible? I'm sorry. ^.^" 
> 
> Anyway! This is what we've all been waiting for, right? The idiots finally got together! :'D Now, there are conversations to have and loose ends to tie, but the most important thing is done at least. I'm going to go on a little hiatus, because I want to be at my best when I write this story's conclusion. There's maybe 1 or 2 chapters left? Something like that. But worry not! It will be finished and I don't plan to disappear for too long. For now, enjoy the MakoHaru love. Woot, woot!
> 
> See you next water time!


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